Aibu to think I should care about not beig married?

[Cathycomehome]

Not really a Fred about a Fred, but someone posted about being upset about the reaction she got to talking about marriage after seven years.

I've been in a monogamous relationship for fourteen years, we have dc aged 12 years and 5 months.

Some people expressed the view that seven years with no wedding equalled lack of commitment. Really?

Where does that leave my family?

I think if two adults want to cohabit and everything is sorted so that provisions are made if they split or one dies, then that's fine.

Unfortunately I know several couples cohabiting where this is not the case. In 3 cases I know the women would desperately love to be married, but the guys are "not ready yet", the women have given up careers to raise kids, have no pension, no name on the mortgages, no name on the car ownerships, ... If the guys leave or die they are financially screwed.

You'd have to be daft t put yourself in that situation though!

The 3 cases I mentioned are all smart, capable women, but common sense was drowned out by loud biological clocks ticking, and the partners are not against marrying, in fact they're all for it, but they are just not ready yet....

Biological clock irrelevant if you've got kids though?

We got married after being together 10 years when I got pregnant with DS1. Dh had spent at least 8 of those years railing against marriage and the fact his parents expected it of him and he refused to give in to their expectations and then realised that (at the time) it was the easiest way to give me and our DC all the legal protection, and give himself parental responsibility. I couldn't care less one way or the other tbh. It didn't feel any different afterwards and I don't feel our relationship is any stronger or more committed than any of our friends who haven't bothered.

What documents can you have drawn up that give one spouse a share of the other's pension and a claim on their assets in the event of an acrimonious split? Married men or women who have given up their career to care for children have a claim on their spouse's pension when a long marriage is dissolved.

If prenuptial agreements limiting a claim on the other's assets are often dismissed by the courts when they are contested in the context of a divorce then I wonder if anything can be drawn up by non-married couples which is really binding.

On a personal level I'd have been very sad if DH hadn't wanted to marry me. We can't have children, so it wasn't about that, it was about having a legal commitment.

My partner and I both work full time on the same pay grade in the same career.....

Why would you be sad to be unmarried, vbisme?

I'd be sad if DH hadn't wanted to marry me, if I hadn't met DH I'd be happily unmarried.

I wonder if anything can be drawn up by non-married couples which is really binding.

Yes. A contract is a contract, covered by contract law. Cathy's correct. Most family lawyers are experienced in drawing these up; it's not that unusual!

What makes marriage a special case it's that it's the only automatic contract (iirc) in English law. As such, its terms are adjusted from time to time through acts of parliament. Basically, when you get married you enter into a contract that the government has drawn up for you.