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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my sister to not bring her ill kids to family lunch tomorrow?

81 replies

SendMum · 15/12/2012 21:00

My sister has spent the whole week ill and bed with flu. My other sister is hosting a big family lunch tomorrow for my dad who we never see over Xmas and everyone is going. When i rang my poorly sister this morning she told me that two of her three kids were now ill in bed with raging temperatures, sore throats and coughs. This evening she has suddenly announced she is feeling much better and is going to come tomorrow and bring all the children. I am worried as I have two and if they catch the lurgie , which they undoubtedly will, they will be sick over Christmas. I said I didn't want her to bring the ill ones, couldn't she come with the well one and leave the sick two behind with her husband? She says she can't as its not fair on the ill ones, so she's bringing them all. When I said that didn't seem fair on us she went mad, said thanks a lot for my understanding and hung up the phone. Now it's up to me to not go, or leave my kids at home with my husband, if I am worried. Am I being unreasonable to think that is bloody unfair?! Any advice gratefully received

OP posts:

SantasBigBaubles · 15/12/2012 21:07

tell the other sister to uninvite her or stay home. let everyone know they should stay home

Gigondas · 15/12/2012 21:08

No yanbu - your dsis is tho

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 15/12/2012 21:09

Tell your other sister. Yanbu.

Witchety · 15/12/2012 21:12

She will likely be infected. The non ill one is likely to be infected..... You would possibly catch it and pass it on to your own dc too

You can't really avoid it IMO

BrewEmoticon · 15/12/2012 21:13

I wouldn't expect my sister not to bring ill kids. Not coming to a big family do just because a couple of kids have a temperature and a cough? It's not how we do things in my family though every family is different and as such only actually know how unreasonable or not you/your sis are being.

LaCiccolina · 15/12/2012 21:14

She should be uninvited. End of discussion! Terribly bu of her. I'm really surprised by the position she's putting everyone else in. Selfish!

elfyrespect · 15/12/2012 21:16

It's not fair on the ill ones to be dragged out really.

Original poster

SendMum · 15/12/2012 21:17

If it wasn't the week before Christmas, brewemoticon, I wouldn't expect her to stay away, but we are spending Xmas with my in laws who are in their 80s and if the children are ill we won't be able to go. Plus I want them to be well enough to enjoy the day of course.

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/12/2012 21:21

Yanbu.

She is bu and selfish

logitech56 · 15/12/2012 21:23

i think you are being incredibly unreasonable to even think that your sister should leave her kids at home.
Quite frankly, from your attitude, she would be better off if she never saw you or the rest of the clan if that is how you all think.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:26

'Not coming to a big family do just because a couple of kids have a temperature and a cough?'

It's likely they have influenza. You seriously think it's okay to willingly expose a bunch of children to that and an old man?

ll31 · 15/12/2012 21:26

Depends how sick they've been tbh. Probably No worse than what your kids are being exposed to every day at school

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 15/12/2012 21:27

I had flu last week. I was in bed most of the week feeling dreadful. Would not wish that on anyone for Christmas.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:29

They don't let them stay in school with a temperature.

Shelby2010 · 15/12/2012 21:30

If they have actual flu rather than coughs/colds then presumably the children will be too ill to leave their beds anyway.

Although I can see your point, I would be almost permanently housebound if we never anywhere because dd had a cold. If the rest of the family are ok with her going then you will just have to decide whether to go yourself. I don't think it's you can realistically ban her from someone else's house.

FryOneFatChristmasTurkey · 15/12/2012 21:31

If I were in OP's position, then if the sis insisted on attending the dinner with her sick kids, I'd have to decline to go.

I have a MIL who is 83, we are having her at Christmas and she's undergoing chemo. I cannot afford for DP, me or kids getting an infection and passing it on, especially something like flu, which is potentially dangerous for any elderly person let alone one on chemo.

The OP has said she's seeing elderly inlaws at Christmas, I doubt she wants to pass on any indection to them.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 15/12/2012 21:34

YABVU and precious and extremely selfish IMHO. What gives you the right to tell anyone what to do? Why should your sister and her Dcs miss out on seeing your Dad? If it bothers you so much you should be the one to stay home. You have not mentioned in your post any reason as to why your Dcs being exposed to the flu would be any worse than any other, so I am just going to assume that Christmas madness has descended! Better to think that than you are actually deranged OP

ENormaSnob · 15/12/2012 21:36

Yanbu

Your sister is stupid and selfish.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/12/2012 21:36

Nolittle

Flu can be very dangerous

BrewEmoticon · 15/12/2012 21:36

Presumably none of the people at the big family do are undergoing chemo or are unvaccinated newborns or the OP would surely have mentioned it in the OP.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 15/12/2012 21:37

Yanbu but, sadly, as evidenced by this thread, yours is not the view that prevails.
I expressed annoyance at my sister for bringing her sick kids to a party 12 years ago; she instantly cut us out of hers and her kids' lives.

You're meant to bow to others' rights to Have A Good Time and keep quiet about any potential or actual harmful consequences.

I think it stinks, but the selfish view always wins ime.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:38

Flu can be very dangerous and even fatal in the elderly.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 15/12/2012 21:39

Neither have you mentioned ill health on the part of any other adult attending, age does not automatically lead to increased vulnerability and susceptibility. My Dc's have 2 GGMs both 83 yo, 1 has heart and respiritory conditions, so obviously we would not go anywhere she is with the flu or recently recovered. GGM# 2 is fit as a fiddle, never ill with anything so of course we would go if she were attending alone.

ENormaSnob · 15/12/2012 21:40

Complications of flu can be severe.

And it's not just newborns or the immunosuppressed that are at risk.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 15/12/2012 21:42

Socks I know it can be fatal thanks, having lost a dear friend with MDD as a result of the flu two years ago.

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