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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my sister to not bring her ill kids to family lunch tomorrow?

81 replies

SendMum · 15/12/2012 21:00

My sister has spent the whole week ill and bed with flu. My other sister is hosting a big family lunch tomorrow for my dad who we never see over Xmas and everyone is going. When i rang my poorly sister this morning she told me that two of her three kids were now ill in bed with raging temperatures, sore throats and coughs. This evening she has suddenly announced she is feeling much better and is going to come tomorrow and bring all the children. I am worried as I have two and if they catch the lurgie , which they undoubtedly will, they will be sick over Christmas. I said I didn't want her to bring the ill ones, couldn't she come with the well one and leave the sick two behind with her husband? She says she can't as its not fair on the ill ones, so she's bringing them all. When I said that didn't seem fair on us she went mad, said thanks a lot for my understanding and hung up the phone. Now it's up to me to not go, or leave my kids at home with my husband, if I am worried. Am I being unreasonable to think that is bloody unfair?! Any advice gratefully received

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:43

I was a health, fit 25-year-old woman when I caught flu. I spent a Christmas in hospital with double pneumonia. It took me months to get back to my previous level of fitness.

ENormaSnob · 15/12/2012 21:43

And anyone that would take a child with flu out on a jolly needs their parenting skills questioning.

Although with the influx of stupidity we've had on here recently there's not much surprises me.

BrewEmoticon · 15/12/2012 21:45

The OP says the children have "raging temperatures, sore throats and coughs".

There is no mention of flu.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:46

Flu is a respiratory illness characteristed by high temp and cough and often sore throat.

BrewEmoticon · 15/12/2012 21:47

I think we woiuld all agree that proper flu is a very nasty illness. But this is not what the OP, even whilst wishing to make us all realise how ill said children are and how at risk potential contacts might be, is claiming the children to be suffering.

ENormaSnob · 15/12/2012 21:49

It's in the first sentence that the sister had flu.

It is therefore not unreasonable to presume this is now what the children have.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:51

The OP mentions flu in her opening line.

Original poster
SendMum · 15/12/2012 21:51

I don't know what the kids are coming down with but my sister has had proper flu. She said she has never felt so awful in her life and thought she was going to die. So reasonable to assume, I think, that it is at least possible that her kids could have it, especially as the youngest sleeps in her bed. They are certainly displaying symptoms. Even if they don't, temperatures, sore throats and coughs are enough to spoil Xmas in my book.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 21:52

Not to mention, that's warped to drag ill kids out of bed so she can go to a jolly. Poor kids.

apostrophethesnowman · 15/12/2012 21:55

I don't think she should take her children to the dinner, for the sake of her children. If they're very ill then they're going to be feeling miserable and sleepy. they need to be home in bed having fluids and calpol, not out trying to get through the day.

BrewEmoticon · 15/12/2012 21:55

OK, TBF I hadn't registered the flu reference in opening line, though it doesn't change my first comment - in my family I'd expect them all to come, for the rest of us to look after the ill ones etc. (Not that I'd expect them to get up off their deathbeds to fulfil their committments etc, just I wouldn't expect them to cancel because of the risk of infecting others).

However I was hanging round MN for a pleasant saturday night and don't want to be drawn into a row. So OP, erm.... hope you have a nice time. And do what you think best.

fidelma · 15/12/2012 21:56

If you are sick you keep away from people.It is not fair.Especially at this time of year. I am missing 3 parites this weekend.But I am not passing on our bugs .

Original poster
SendMum · 15/12/2012 21:58

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Will see how everyone is in the morning and make a decision. Much appreciated xx

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 15/12/2012 22:01

Good god, my dd is hospitalised regularly due to chest nfevtions, would do anything humanly possibly to avoid anyone else getting any kind of illness so YANBU.

MsElleTow · 15/12/2012 22:04

YANBU.

DS2 is poorly with a raging temperature, cough and sore throat. I, actually think he aphas a chest infection. He won't be seeing his GP's before Christmas. FIL has just had an OP for bladder cancer, the last thing he needs is Ds2's lurgy as well, but even if he had't have had the OP I wouldn't have exposed him to the illness.

bonkersLFDT20 · 15/12/2012 22:06

If the ill children care enough that they might miss out on a family meal then they are clearly not THAT ill and your kids catching it won't be too bad.

If your sister is just going to bundle them up and plop them in bed when they arrive then I don't really see the point of them coming and yes, it would be kind to expose people under those circumstances.

Was you sister maybe being over-dramatic about how ill the children were?

ChristmasJubilee · 15/12/2012 22:07

She should stay away. If she won't then, in your position, I wouldn't Go. Ds's 2&3 have high temps, cough and sore throats at the moment and ds3, because of other health problems, has to be watched carefully when he is unwell as he can get worse quickly. I feel guilty enough because I got it at work and gave it to them. If I had got it whilst socialising with someone I knew was ill it would be far worse.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 15/12/2012 22:08

Actually, given the age of your inlaws, do you reckon they have had the flu jab?

MistressIggi · 15/12/2012 22:08

She never felt so awful in her life, and doesn't care if her nearest & dearest catch the same thing! What a charmer.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2012 22:11

I'd stay home.

BeaWheesht · 15/12/2012 22:18

Yanbu

I wouldn't go . A few years ago I'd have risked it but after we all caught swine flu there is NO way I would willingly expose anyone to that. We are all vaccinated now apart from my youngestHmm

The week we had swine flu was the worst of my life and was over Christmas it was hell and ds ended up with pneumonia on Christmas day Hmm

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/12/2012 22:22

Nolittle

If you knew that and you also know that its not just the elderly who are at risk then why on earth did you say the op was being vur?

A few years ago a friends husband who was fit active and healthy and only 53 died from flu.

Startail · 15/12/2012 22:35

Children with high temperatures will be tired and grumpy and should be at home.

No one should bring nasty bugs to visit the week before Christmas, we all have far too much to do.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 15/12/2012 22:40

I have to say it sounds like the sister had a bad cold. If she had proper flu at the start of the week she would still be on her arse this weekend.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 15/12/2012 22:40

OP WBU to tell her sister to stay home, and [s]he did not indicate that any of the other attendees had an objection to the sister and her kids coming along. Moreover, OP's concerns seemed to be motivated by Christmas than health IMO. Also, my dear friend who passed, would have been mortified to think that his young relations would have been kept away from a gathering because of his condition and would have stayed away himself. I simply said if it is OP who is bothered, then [s]he should stay away IMO, and it is quite rude to tell an adult what to do IMO

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