To expect my sister to not bring her ill kids to family lunch tomorrow?

[SendMum]

My sister has spent the whole week ill and bed with flu. My other sister is hosting a big family lunch tomorrow for my dad who we never see over Xmas and everyone is going. When i rang my poorly sister this morning she told me that two of her three kids were now ill in bed with raging temperatures, sore throats and coughs. This evening she has suddenly announced she is feeling much better and is going to come tomorrow and bring all the children. I am worried as I have two and if they catch the lurgie , which they undoubtedly will, they will be sick over Christmas. I said I didn't want her to bring the ill ones, couldn't she come with the well one and leave the sick two behind with her husband? She says she can't as its not fair on the ill ones, so she's bringing them all. When I said that didn't seem fair on us she went mad, said thanks a lot for my understanding and hung up the phone. Now it's up to me to not go, or leave my kids at home with my husband, if I am worried. Am I being unreasonable to think that is bloody unfair?! Any advice gratefully received

OP asked/expected her to leave the sick kids at home, not herself.

Yes it's the kids who are expected to be left at home but they have the same cold as the mother so you can estimate how the kids illness will go based on the mothers illness.

I personally think the mother is being really unfair to her kids making then go to a lunch when they are sick.

Poor children- taken out to a long family busy lunch with raging temps.

That is just cruel.

Oh she is being VERY u!

Two years ago I got flu and got struck down with it at my in-laws and couldn't leave for a week! I infected everyone even though DO quarantined me in his room and he slept on the sofa. Felt really awful about everyone else getting sick, I would never have knowingly traveled somewhere!

Really selfish to take the sick one.

YANBU. She is selfish

YANBU

I loathe selfish people who readily spread their bugs to others and we are not meant to complain.

My family take this philosophy - they arrive at my house (with two small children), often with a streaming cold and last year my mum arrived recovering from full-blown flu and before I knew it had scooped my young children up - and infected them. My sister - this week - asked if she could pop in - she has norovirus and is off work!

Parents should be allowed to make decisions about who infects their children. Yes, they are exposed at school, but out of school it should be my decision.

The amount of misery and stress just a headcold causes to a family of 5 when both parents work full-time.

Don't get me started on the people who think it's OK to come an visit a newborn baby with a streaming headcold...

It's not really up to you whether your sister goes or not. I'd feel the same as you though. It's up to the family who is hosting to decide if they will welcome sick people into their home. All you can do is decide if you are still willing to go or not.

It should be up to the sister who is hosting the party. She needs to know that other sister is planning to bring poorly children to the party. If she is happy with that then you need to decide whether you want to go our not. If she is not happy it is up to her to tell your other sister.

In the situation you describe I wouldn't want people with anything other than a simple cold to come to a party I was hosting so close to Christmas.

Cross posted with outraged who said the same thing much more succinctly!

YANBU. It's not fair on the ill children and not fair on anyone else. I think I would be staying at home if she didn't agree not to bring them. Any other time of year, I probably wouldn't worry about so much, but I wouldn't want to put my family at risk of being ill over Christmas.

YANBU, ask your sister how she would have felt about going to the party in the middle of her illness and if the answer is she could never have faced it then it I totally wrong to take her children. Hate it when people make their kids go to things when they are ill just cause they are ok. I wouldn't expect my children to do anything I wouldn't want to do and that includes socialising when you feel dreadful. Not to mention passing on bugs to others which is totally selfish.

If your sister had flu she wouldn't be up and atending parties within a week

YANBU. She is.

On sofa with my little one both have tonsillitis - we are supposed to be meeting up with family this evening for carol singing and mulled wine - it is really festive and father Christmas turns up with sweets for the little ones - I want to go and reckon we could all make it through an hour if we are wrapped up and dosed up - I have however just called family to advise we are NOT going as I don't want ti infect anyone else before Christmas - it's the decent thing to do.

I hope she has seen reason and kept them away. Totally unreasonable to take poorly children anywhere unless it's an emergency.

Poor things. If she's still taking them, I think I'd stay at home if I were you.

I think your sister is being selfish, although I'm surprised by the number of posters who think otherwise.
Why not stay away yourself? Would it be too passive aggressive to say you have flu and wouldn't wish to spread it around ?
You can arrange to see your dad another time, surely?

YANBU but in my family this would be just one of those things with the risk of catching something being far outweighed by the enjoyment of a large family get together before Christmas.

But it might be 'a large family get together before Christmas that effectively cancels Christmas" Sara!

If it's just sore throat/temp, then it would be polite to check with everyone to see if they were ok with a visit. If it's flu, the idea of even going out shouldn't cross her mind. Flu can kill, and not just the elderly/young, but any age and those in good health. Although with proper flu, it would be beyond cruel to drag anyone out
I'd give it a miss, op

A bug that puts a healthy adult in bed for a week is not just 'a cold' and her DC were in bed ill with high temps yesterday. She's being very selfish.

Sometimes I feel like the only person on the planet who doesn't get their knickers in a twist over public illness. Meh. Stuff goes around, I'm not going to be able to avoid everything and only get ill at convenient times.

Sister being v selfish. My dc currently have sore throat, temperature, one of them with occasional vomiting due to coughing. We have been housebound for a few days and cancelled everything. Can't believe any sane person would act differently. Disgusting and selfish to pass this on IMO.

I think your sister is selfish. But as you can't do anything about her selfishness, then you'll have to decide whether to go or not yourself. A raging temp and sore throat doesn't sound like my idea of fun, so I'd probably give it a miss.

MrsKeithRichards - try a dose of (proper) flu, followed a couple of weeks later by norovirus sweeping through the family. You might feel differently after that - happened to me a couple of yrs ago! Don't think I will forget that, ever.

mistressigi and more than likely it won't.

I have had close contact with people with flu several times without catching it. If we all cancelled plans for fear of a bug most of us would never leave the house.