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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

as usual the in-laws just can't be bothered...........

73 replies

skyblue11 · 15/12/2012 19:42

Disappointed DH went over to take their pressies we'd spent time and effort over, to come back with a card and cheque. Apparently they'd not been able to get out bit FIL had managed to get out to mall to buy an ipad! Also everyone else has pressies, fuming,,,,,,,,,

OP posts:
LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 15/12/2012 19:43

Who's everyone though? Children or adults?

If they've bought the entire family presents apart from you then it's a bit off

chrismissymoomoomee · 15/12/2012 19:45

You are fuming because they gave you a cheque for christmas?

I can't believe how ungrateful some people are.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 15/12/2012 19:46

Yes a cheque, can't even be bothered to get a voucher! I am annoyed at their lack of effort, shameful.
Yes adults have pressies...

OP posts:
EuphemiaInExcelsis · 15/12/2012 19:51

Cheque = money
Voucher = money with restrictions

What's the problem? YABU

TisTheSeasonToBeJolly · 15/12/2012 19:52

Can see why your annoyed but on the bright side at least they got you a card and a cheque. You would be a lit more upset if you and your family received nothing. If the cheque is for all of you then you can buy your children somthing and sign it from granny/grandad. Will take you all of ten mins x

happyhorse · 15/12/2012 19:52

I wish my MIL would give us a cheque instead of random weird stuff that we have to find house space for.

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 15/12/2012 19:54

YABU, and bloody ungrateful too.

SantaWearsGreen · 15/12/2012 19:54

I'd be happier with that than nothing or with something useless.. What is the issue? They probably just didn't know what to get you so are giving you money to get something yourself..

chrismissymoomoomee · 15/12/2012 19:54

'Disappointed', 'fuming', 'shameful' because you got a cheque. All this 'everyone else got...' stuff is something I would expect from a child. You sound pretty hard to please I'm not surprised they gave you money.

zippey · 15/12/2012 19:55

Why ont you get presents with the cheque given? I dont want to come across as santimonious but they do say that Christmas is about giving. Some people dont like shopping or getting gifts for people. You guys do. Both are fine. Its nice they gave you something.

Petsinmypudenda · 15/12/2012 19:56

Yabu
You only got a cheque? Diddums

You sound like hard work, perhaps they've picked up on that

WelshMaenad · 15/12/2012 19:57

It is actually quite gutting when you invest a lot of thought into gifts and the effort isn't reciprocated.

My inlaws have bought me a case of lager for my last two birthdays. I don't drink. I feel you.

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 15/12/2012 19:57

I also wish MIL would give us a cheque rather than cheap shite she found in a charity shop.

ENormaSnob · 15/12/2012 19:58

Did the cheque come with the stipulation that you must go shopping before Xmas day, buy specific gifts and then wrap them before presenting then as being off the cheque sender?

No?

Yabu then.

ViperInTheManger · 15/12/2012 20:01

My mum always gives us money as she would sooner we had something we like rather than a possibly unwanted gift. She has explained this and we are all quite happy with that.

My ILs always ask what we would like, we tell them what and where to get it then they give a cheque despite having numerous opportunities to buy it and expecting us to jump through hoops for them. They are never going to change though so why stress over it? We just accept the cheque, say thank you and treat ourselves.

ChasedByBees · 15/12/2012 20:06

OP - I think some people have different ideas about what a gift is supposed to be. For my family (and perhaps for you too) it has always been an opportunity to think about that person and what they might like - it can be free or home made, but the point of it is to put some thought into it.

I think a lot of people don't agree - my husband's family like to have a list to buy from and are worried if you don't provide some ideas. I think I may as well just go shopping!

I can see why you would be hurt if everyone else's gifts had had some thought and yours was a cheque. IMO, YANBU.

JustCallMeDavesHorse · 15/12/2012 20:06

At least you can buy something you'd like. I have to fake pleasure over things I don't want and can't return!! Every cloud, silver lining..... At least you got something!!

golemmings · 15/12/2012 20:14

Actually I get this. It's not the value of the gift its the time and effort taken to get something appropriate within the budget. A cheque, to me, smacks of either "i don't know you at all well enough to chose anything for you" or "i ought to give you something but I can't be sears"

Every year we are asked for ideas for what we want, we dutifully write our lists and get... A cheque from my mil. It's not a big issue but the lack of effort and thought is annoying.
It's even more annoying because I've not changed my name and she always writes my cheque to my married name so it gets paid into the housekeeping account rather than my account. Yes it takes all of 5 mins to transfer it but it takes me more effort to deal with it than it does her.

MammaTJ · 15/12/2012 20:15

My mum puts £100 into my bank account for the five of us and tells me to buy our pressies. That suits me. We live quite far apart and she doesn't know what to buy. I am grateful.

Wowserz129 · 15/12/2012 20:17

You sound ungrateful and immature! Drop your sense of entitlement and take the cheque and buy your own presents!!

CombineBananaFister · 15/12/2012 20:20

Aw, I think people are being a bit harsh on you OP. I don't think you are ungrateful it just comes across a bit churlish to those who get nowt. But I also think a gift is a time to show someone what they mean to you and the amount of effort you put in=shows how much you care. Like the others said though, perhaps they feel differently and think you would appreciate money more and they actually thin they are doing you a favour

concernedrose · 15/12/2012 20:22

i think it is becoming increasingly difficult to buy for people, especially parents and grandparents, who already have everything they need. I ask DCs to make a list of items they would like, and then choose from this.
I would rerely buy anything as a "suprise", as i have very vivid memories as a child, of presents bought as a suprise, were not quite what i wanted, or were not wanted at all, and the accompanying dissapointment. Without wanting to be too much of a bah humbug, so much is bought that is simply put away in a cupboard, never to see the light of day.
I like getting a cheque, i can then treat myself to something frivolous that i would not usually buy, and can write a nice thank you letter, detailing how much i enjoyed spending the cheque, and what i bought. I dont think a cheque demonstrates thoughtlessness, but a realisation that they may not be sure about an appropriate gift to buy. enjoy treating yourself to something you would not usually buy!

JustCallMeDavesHorse · 15/12/2012 20:23

Hope I didn't sound harsh, just don't worry too much. And be happy it's not knitted socks!!

willowstar · 15/12/2012 20:25

Incredible. I' be delighted with a cheque instead of the ill thought out crap we rt from my MIL that I have to find house room for. My granny sends me a cheque. This yr the children really really son't need any more so we are using it to help pay for us to go out on Xmas day...because I cook every day in our squalid hovel of a kitchen and refuse to do it on Xmas day, anyway I digress. Yalu.

crypes · 15/12/2012 20:25

Abit early aint it for exchangeing presents? its not Christmas week.yet? wanna know what your gonna Get early? I reckon your pil have stitched you up.