as usual the in-laws just can't be bothered...........

[skyblue11]

Disappointed DH went over to take their pressies we'd spent time and effort over, to come back with a card and cheque. Apparently they'd not been able to get out bit FIL had managed to get out to mall to buy an ipad! Also everyone else has pressies, fuming,,,,,,,,,

My friend always buys something for the children that is approximately three years too young for them. This would be fine if she brought it on time and we could put it "under the tree", however she invariably brings it on Boxing Day and they have to open it in her presence, smile and thank her. My SIL sends a cheque. I know what I, and they, would rather have!

Yabu, my PILs don't buy for us. It's never crossed my mind as something to worry about before- should I?

To the posters not the op.

your parents have carefully chosen your 3 siblings and their families individual gifts lovingly bought and wrapped meanwhile you get bunged £20 - would you feel 2nd best/unloved/inferior to your siblings. Bearing in mind this happens every Christmad and birthday and they never bother with your children yet dote on all the DNs?

Personally, I think it's a bit pathetic when grown-ups throw a hissy fit about Christmas presents....

We decided years ago to just do it for the children in our family. Easier all round. (And keep it where it belongs).

You are complaining about receiving a cheque?

YANBU OP, and I understand why you're upset. It's nothing to do with the monetary value, it's the clear message that you don't warrant any thought or effort on their part. To me, the most important part of any gift is the thought that goes into it, it's a message from the giver to the receiver that they are important, loved, and thought of fondly. So if everyone else gets gifts while you get a cheque, it can be hurtful even if it seems ungrateful.

Glad it's not just me Annie who can understand the op's point of view.

I've spent years surrounded by others opening carefully thought out gifts whilst I get a thoughtless token gesture it really hurts and it's such a clear sign that your so little thought of.

I don't think yabu. If you usual exchange gifts with adults and children alike, why wouldn't you be a bit pissed off to have just had a cheque bunged in an envelope?

On the upside, I'm sure the card was better than the one I received from we in-laws yesterday. So well chosen and the words were just perfect. It read, 'to our dear daughter and son-in-law'. Hmmm.

'the one WE received from MY inlaws! Sorry, brain working faster than fingers!

What Annie said

i think the best part of xmas is the getting together of the family to eat, drink, play games and remenise about times gone by. People get so stressed about gifts, wether its the giving, the receiving, or the fact that they dont have enough money to buy gifts. Our love and appreciation for our family can be shown in ways that dont involve spending money. The greatest gift for my parents/grandparents is to have all their family together, far more so than any material gift, and a framed photograph of the event sent afterwards tops off a perfect day. Perhaps gift buying should be abandoned/reduced......apart from for the DCs

I honestly think I would prefer a 10p mix (age showing here) of well thought out sweets that i love than a cheque for a large monetary value (and I am not well off) - because gifts are about the thought or value of you to someoneelse so agree RANDOM and Annie. But it's different for kids if they genuinely don't know what to buy for them and because its the intention/meaning behind the action thats important to me IF their meaning was a nice one i.e. moneys tight, they thought you'd prefer to pick your own and treat yourself then maybe they were still being nice??

YANBU. Mine are exactly the same with our kids, it no longer annoys me though except when DH tries to give some of the things we have bought to have come from PIL. I just bank it for the kids, I don't buy anything with it as have hard enough time choosing things from us!

Can I also add that my MIL buys actual gifts for her bosses 3 kids. She talks about what she is buying for them and expects me to give a shit!

Yanbu, it must be really hurtful to see them taking time to choose and wrap things for the rest of the family when no thought went into what to get you. Just wondering though, do you have a lot of debt or a really low income? Maybe they think they are being really thoughtful iyswim.

at people saying op is ungrateful while complaining about the crap presents they get given! Pot, kettle etc....

Yabu I wish I had a cheque for Christmas, my dp has been made redundant so we can't even afford a Christmas dinner, let alone the gas, electric etc. We've just had to explain to his kids (they live with his ex wife) we can't even get presents this year, we are in serious rent arrears. I wish all I had to complain about is a cheque, witch I wouldn't!

Vouchers are a pain. If Martin Lewis tells me vouchers are a bad idea then I won't buy them!!
I think cash is OK as a present. It is much better than buying something that is not wanted.

There's still a week to go before Christmas. Maybe they hadn't finished their Christmas shopping yet?

And be happy it's not knitted socks!!

I love handmade socks!! They're far superior to any other foot attire imo.

honestly present giving is cr*p for adults - I mean who really needs those (however nice)scented candles (or whtever crapgift)? If I wanted them so much I would have bought some myself. Really can't see anyreason for adult presents (i don't do adult birthdays either).

Kids though great - love buying stuff for them.

I think yabu, I never know what to get my dsis so we always write lists.

This year she wants a blusher and even picked it up for me.

I think you need to get some perspective, being given a cheque instead of actual presents is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Some people just don't enjoy shopping. How old are they? My parents are in their late 60's and no longer have the inclination or energy to traipse around the shops.

A cheque is a damn sight more than some people will get this Christmas!

God, you're upset 'cause you got a cheque? Really?

You're upset 'cause they did,kt run around trying to figure out what they could possibly give you this year to convince of their (presumably) ongoing love, affection and esteem?

Yabu.

Cheque is way better than presents for any kid over the age of about 8 - way better than a crap present anyway, which they often are when from my mil. Every year a load of old tat, almost immediately broken and binned as it is poor quality tat, but the kids have to smile and say thanks.
Thank god for the family members who send cheques.
If it's a cheque for you, just say you don't want a present? What adult does really (apparently some but I've never understood why, unless they're broke and can't actually afford to buy stuff they want)