as usual the in-laws just can't be bothered...........

[skyblue11]

Disappointed DH went over to take their pressies we'd spent time and effort over, to come back with a card and cheque. Apparently they'd not been able to get out bit FIL had managed to get out to mall to buy an ipad! Also everyone else has pressies, fuming,,,,,,,,,

I get where you're coming from, my df used to give me cheques for Christmas. Not for a small amount either (normally £1000). It was appreciated and generous but didn't give me the same feeling as I get now. A few years ago he changed, I started receiving gifts instead.
Monetary wise the value is heaps lower. He normally buys me perfume or some clarins.
I just get a warm feeling knowing he's gone to a department store (he doesn't do online) sniffed various perfume (he's not a grab and go kind of man) and chosen one he thinks I'll like.
Then he has to go home and wrap it which he would be all clumsy about . I love picturing all of that in my head, makes me feel loved

But I think yababitu to be so annoyed by it and I do think its a bit ungrateful.

Sorry, but I don't see why the OP is BU to be hurt when she is the only family member to be given a throwaway gesture gift just because some other people are hard up this Christmas. It's MN competitive poverty at it's most spiteful. People are allowed to be upset by things even when others have it worse, you know.

Will you cash the cheque?

I think some of us just think pressies are a bit childish and crap and don't feel all 'loved and snuggly' cos someone grabbed some random thing off a shelf, or even worse, chose some awful thing thinking it was 'us'
(Projects wildly here)
I'd be delighted to be the only person given a cheque, honestly. I suppose that would be because the gift giver had actually realised the kind of gift I liked, so maybe the op does have a point to feel put out. I'd be feeling the same if everyone else got cash and I got the luxury scarf (bleurgh).
Ideally, no present or money for adults who have access to their own savings
For kids - don't they like getting money? Mine would be fine with it.

My SIL buys gifts for everyone except me (DH and our 2 DC) and makes a big deal about giving them out and ignoring me.

MIL asks me to buy my DC gifts from her and then doesn't give me the money.

FIL has never bought a card or gift for the DC ever. He doesn't even know how old they are and often forgets their names.

I'd settle for the cheque! YANBU though, I agree that it is about taking the teeniest bit of effort and showing you have thought of someone. It can make you feel very unloved and unimportant, particularly if the cheque giver has made an effort for others and not for you (yes, I am looking at you evil SIL!!)

My mother has just given me a cheque for all of us-she can't get out-I don't see a problem with it even if she could get out.

We are the only people in DH's extended family that get NOTHING from the ILs, for Christmas or birthdays. SILs and BILs all get something, as do their partners, and their kids get loads of actual presents (as opposed to money)....

We've (DH and I) never had anything and last year DD got nothing for Christmas and a £10 note for her birthday. Her cousins get well thought out presents, plural.

Forgot to say - we'd be chuffed with ANY gesture at all.

If someone I knew was the kind of person who would be upset if they didn't get a "thoughtful" present, I would cut them out of my life. The days of stress and anxiety and the inevitable failure on my part, and disappointment on theirs, twice every year, are not things I want in my life.

Adults with their own income, unless very poor, should not be given presents.

I'd much rather have a cheque so I can buy myself something I really want, than get a present that ends up festering in the cupboard until I send it to the charity shop.

This is the first year ever that SIL hasn't given me a load of cheap tat bought in the market which has gone straight off to the charity shop after Christmas. Finally the "please don't waste your money" message has got through to her. I'd much rather she didn't buy me anything at all. I hate to see waste.

Well maybe they can't be bothered but you sound like a nightmare. I can imagine an equal post ... IABU that my ILs gave us a Le Creuset pan when they KNOW I don't cook / diamonds when I don't wear jewellery yada yada yada.

IT'S cheque can be exchanged for anything your heart desires in the specific price range. Daydream a bit then spend it, tell them what you spent it on, let them know how happy it made you and stop being a misery

Could you get the cheque made out to "hyperballad" next year. Cheers.

I understand that you would like your in-laws to care enough to by a thoughtful gift, especially for children, however, I think YABU.

How lovely it would be to receive a cheque (it is a particularly tight year for us this year). I usually get cheap and nasty gifts. One year my MIL gave me a couple of novels, that she'd already read, and said "could you give them back when you've finished them please" (I kid you not). One year my DH got a box of air -yes, a lovingly wrapped, empty box with a note that said,"I couldn't think of what to get you, so I am giving you a box of air". They are not wealthy, but neither are they poor. We'd be happy with a cheque for $20( I am Australian). Every little bit helps.

Wow, YABVVU and ungrateful.

Maybe the only reason you 'only' got a check is because you're hard to buy for?

Geez. So much for Christmas cheer!

Would love a cheque rather than the bounds of cheap crap/tat carboot remnants we usually get!

Arf at hyperballad

I don't understand why it is childish to give presents to adults. Seems a really odd perspective to me. In my family we write lists in November and then don't buy anything until Christmas. It's long enough to have forgotten what was on your list so it's still a nice surprise and it's always things you want/need.

But then I was brought up to think that one of the best parts of Christmas was watching someone open your gift and see their face light up (followed shortly after by them putting on the clothes, or playing with the game, or reading the books etc). Plus my father always gave my mother lots of presents so Christmas to me is very much a time to show people that you love them.

dh's family don't do lists and often seem to give each other somewhat random gifts. I can't really see the point in buying presents you are fairly sure the other person doesn't actually want. In fact I hate being given things I don't like and won't use.

OP I'd be sad in your shoes too, and wonder what message was being sent to my family compared to the rest of the family. There is nothing wrong with a cheque if that's what you want and expect but it is incredibly low effort.

Gifts mean different things to different people. To some it is an expression of love, so when they either don't receive gifts from others, or gifts with little or no thought, then they feel unloved. It also upsets people when they are treated differently to others in the same situation. That is why the OP is upset. She's not ungrateful, she is hurt.

redexpat has summed it up beautifully. It's irrelevant what the gift it, it's about being treated differently from everyone else, with less thought and care than others in your family.

I got a packet of dishcloths last year from my MIL. I kid you not.

You sound lovely

Stop being so ungrateful and get a bloody grip.

Sky blue I know what u mean. Especially if, like in my case, the cheque doesn't cover the cost of petrol for the journey and you are expected to be eternally grateful for the cheque!

Grabby, grabby, grabby.