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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want get married after 7 long years

100 replies

Purplefurrydice · 15/12/2012 18:50

I mentioned the 'M' word last night and now my bf has been sulking and not speaking to me for 24 hours so far.

OP posts:

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 15/12/2012 19:50

I am with lovebunny on this one. Sadly.

If he is sulking at the thought of marriage, after 7 years together, it is time to move on.

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 15/12/2012 19:56

DH and I met at 27; I had been married and very badly hurt before and wanted to take things slowly.

When we were 33 we had a chat about babies and marriage etc etc and he got all excited and we started making plans. That's how it should feel, not one of you going in a huff.

chrismissymoomoomee · 15/12/2012 19:58

lovebunny I shall be more careful in future when naming your rants in the future (it was still pretty epic though).

AKissIsNotAContract · 15/12/2012 19:59

Bollocks peaceandlovebunny. I've slept with loads of blokes and I'm still getting married. I didn't aim for this all my life, it just crept up on me.

OP this man sounds like a waste of your energy. If you leave now you have time to meet someone better to marry and have children with.

scottishmummy · 15/12/2012 20:00

he's not that into you,doesn't want to get married or have kids (stalling you)
at 32 yep clock a-ticking and he's shown no interest in being married to you
if you want to be married you need start dating another marrying kind of man

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot · 15/12/2012 20:00

He doesn't sound that into you, tbh. Though I am feeling a little bit sorry for him, if he's being hounded by everyone about proposing

BOFingSanta · 15/12/2012 20:03

Nobody has ever seen Katie Hopkins and lovebunny in the same room. Just thought I'd mention that.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 15/12/2012 20:06

I have not seen Katie Hopkins and Bof In the same room either.

simplesusan · 15/12/2012 20:08

Purple- I think you need to speak to him when you are both relaxed and calm.
Tell him how you feel and make it clear that you would like a child but that will never happen unless you are married.
Give him a time limit too to set a dte BUT you must be prepared to leave him if he cannot commit.
Hope it all works out for the best.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot · 15/12/2012 20:08

I've just read lovebunny's post.

''Behave accordingly''? You mean like bake and curl my hair and make sure I never have an orgasm?

Your posts normally make me roll my eyes, but this one actually wants to make me tattoo the words "I SUPPORT THE REPRESSION OF WOMEN" on your forehead.

scottishmummy · 15/12/2012 20:09

he's not doing anything wrong its permissible to not want to marry.up to him
doesn't make him selfish or anything else,just his preference.
the biggie is why you've hung about 7yr when you're so determined to be married.and he's not

BOFingSanta · 15/12/2012 20:09

True, true. I must ask my good friend Matthew Wright if he is interested in a disappointingly progressive and mild-mannered Rent-A-Gob

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 20:16

Bollocks peaceandlovebunny. I've slept with loads of blokes and I'm still getting married.
i didn't say it couldn't be done. just that women shouldn't come around moaning that they haven't got a husband when they didn't plan for one.

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 20:18

lovebunny, seasonally known as peaceandlovebunny, has never heard of katie hopkins but knows how to google and will find out.

RogueEmployee · 15/12/2012 20:23

I'm also far from virginal, am v happily married to a man I lived with for two years before a proposal and was engaged to marry my last boyfriend before him. So ner! I could have had two husbands by now!

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 20:28

you must be especially marriageable

scottishmummy · 15/12/2012 20:30

errr Gosh what an achievement you must be so proud.nearly married twice
hell that wipes floor with all other achievements
pop in on a cv maybe

samandi · 15/12/2012 20:34

RogueEmployee I have always been very clear that I view marriage as VERY important to me.

And you've been with him for SEVEN years without getting married?? What does he say when you say that? It obviously isn't important to him. You need to find someone on the same page.

RogueEmployee · 15/12/2012 20:37

Exactly SM this is the point I'm trying to make in relation to the point made earlier that women who want to be married must plan for it from an early age, never have sex with lots of men, live with their boyfriends, have children out of wedlock because it will make them unmarriageable.

I did lots of the above while travelling, enjoying a good career, eduation, social life etc and not caring less whether some guy wanted to marry me and it still happened.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 15/12/2012 20:40

Why do you want to marry him? He doesn't sound all that keen on you tbh.
Have a little funeral in your head for what might have been and move on.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 15/12/2012 20:41

Ach. The funeral comment wasn't a reference to your dad, sorry, that came out wrong. But you know what I mean.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 15/12/2012 20:43

DP and I are just starting to plan our wedding for next August - we'll have been together for nearly 15 years and are absolutely sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We've been vaguely discussing it for years but just never got round to it because living together has been wonderful enough. We're doing it now because DP's family are coming over from NZ and it seems as good a time as any.

I think there are a few things in life that you should ideally only do if you are absolutely sure you want to - having DC is one, getting married is another. It doesn't really sound like you should be getting married to this man OP. He's obviously not into the idea and if you are thinking of leaving him if he won't marry you then you are already imagining life without him - not a great basis for a marriage. His sulking is not great either, neither is the way he treated your home before you moved in together. I wouldn't want DC with someone who behaved like that.

peaceandlovebunny Do women really 'plan for a husband'? Any old husband will do as long as they get married? How sad. I think it's better to find a person who you want to spend your life with and take it from there.

scottishmummy · 15/12/2012 20:44

if you define unmarriageable as kids out if wedlock,livin in sin.count me in,sound great
marriage holds no significance to me.I've never wanted to be married
I spent longer thinking about what washing machine,than shall I marry

FamiliesShareGerms · 15/12/2012 20:47

He doesn't want to marry you. Sorry, but if he did there would have been a ring by now

I agree with what some others have said about being explicit about what you want from a relationship: if you want to get married, you say so loud and clear, if he doesn't feel the same then it's time to move on.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 15/12/2012 20:51

I am probably unmarriagable.
I don't give a shit.
Luckily I don't live in a Jane Austen novel, so its not an issue.

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