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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sick, worried and upset about something so trivial?

85 replies

TangoPurple · 14/12/2012 11:36

DD is in primary one. She went to a special nursery several towns away from our home, so therefore didn't know anyone when she began school this summer. More than half of the class came from the local nursery, meaning more than half of the parents already knew each other.

I'm quite a shy person and find it uncomfortable making small talk. So it therefore required a heap of courage for me to go ahead and plan a party for dd's 5th brithday in January.

I like being organised, so I've already booked and paid for: the hall, bouncy castle, cake, invitations, entertainer, food, party bags etc. The only thing left to do is give out invitations!

But i've decided not to do this before the Christmas break as i think they'll get lost, people will forget etc. DD's birthday is on the Monday they start back at school, and her party is booked for the Saturday after this. I had planned on giving out the invitations on the Monday (1st day back at school).

Anyway, everything was fine until yesterday. DD told me that a boy in her class has his birthday on the same day as her, and that he is also having a party.

Today i got dd to point out the boy and i went and spoke to his mum. I was friendly, and introduced myself, and brought up what DD had told me. She confirmed her son's birthday was on the same day. I told her i have a party planned on the Saturday, and asked (apologising for being nosey) if she has anything planned yet, as i hadn't heard.

She said no, not yet, but she probably will have a party. I said jokingly 'Oh, hope it's not the same day as dd's.' She got a bit awkward and explained she works Sundays, and doesn't want to leave anything until the next weekend as that's almost 2 weeks after the actual birthday date.

I told her a bit about the party i had planned, and said i'd be more than happy to do a joint party, if she wanted to go halfs, or whatever she could manage.

She said thanks, but if she was going to do anything, she'd rather her son had his own.

I'm now worried sick that she might organise something for the same day as dd's. This little boy has lots of friends, and his mum is friendly with lots of the mums and dads from school (she's also on the PTA, and volunteers in the classrooms, school trips etc).

My little girl doesn't have many friends. She used to get a taxi to and from her nursery last year, so I've never even met those parents, and dd barely remembers any of the children.

Outside of school, there are no children in the family except my 2yo nephew, and a friend's little 3yo girl.

I'm now tempted to get the invitations handed out tomorrow (beating the other mum to it). But i think this is silly because A) it's far too early; B) Christmas break is near and the party will get forgotten and C) the invitaions will get lost.

I'm not sure what to do. I know this is extremely trivial, but it's had me in tears this morning. As i said before, i'm quite a shy person and it's taken a lot of courage for me to throw a party (not forgetting the fact it's cost a small fortune), and i'm now anxious that no one will turn up and dd will be traumatised.

OP posts:
LifeofPo · 14/12/2012 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeWe · 14/12/2012 11:41

Give the invitations out now. Then if she wants to adapt round it then she can.

TennisFan42 · 14/12/2012 11:42

You've organised the party for your DD so hand out the invites. People won't forget.

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 14/12/2012 11:43

Definitely not too early to hand out invites for a Jan party IMO. I think I would have handed them out prior to finalising some of the details so you knew how many people were going. Hand them out today/ tomorrow!

BelleDameSousMistletoe · 14/12/2012 11:43

It's not early at all... It's better to give enough notice especially at this time of year. Give them out!

BelleDameSousMistletoe · 14/12/2012 11:44

Plus, if you give them out now and the other mum still needs to organise she can do party at a different time on same day. It would probably be helpful.

pepperrabbitanddesultorytinsel · 14/12/2012 11:44

Hand them out now! Less than a week is too short notice for most people, and you'll have a lot more of an idea of how many can attend a lot quicker.

Also, there are a lot of hours in the day, so why don't you say to the other mum "DDs party is 3-5pm, just so you know when you book/arrange yours"
She can do 11-1 or some such, then there's no clash and everyone should get attendees.

SavoyCabbage · 14/12/2012 11:44

I can understand why you are in a panic but there's not much you can do. She works on Sunday so it's going to be the same day. It might be at a different time though. That's happened to me before.

Another plan could be that you invite all the girls.

Tingalingle · 14/12/2012 11:44

Definitely give them out! Just make sure it's obvious they aren't Christmas cards or they might never get opened...

It'll give the children something to look forward to after Christmas. Very important when you're 5.

LimeLeafLizard · 14/12/2012 11:44

Look, don't worry too much about this. The other mum hasn't even planned a party yet, and if she does, well she's perfectly entitled to do so.

And as for worrying about other people not coming - well you haven't even invited them yet!

Just hand out the invitations today. A) it is not too early. People are busy at weekends and are more likely to come if it is scheduled in their diaries a few weeks in advance. B) OK some people might forget (and you can chase them up on the first Monday back) but others won't, and then they'll be coming. C) the invites are no more likely to get lost now than later. Post Christmas houses are full of cluttter anyway.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 14/12/2012 11:45

We had this year with my DD's friends. Two had a party on the same day. People went to the one they got the invitation for first.

Pancakeflipper · 14/12/2012 11:45

Invites out now.

katedan · 14/12/2012 11:46

Get the invites out today and then if she wants to do a party for her ds she can do the same day but a different time. We have had two invites for the same day in the past and the kids just have a lovely day with two parties to attend.

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 14/12/2012 11:46

And yes, try not to fret. Your DD will enjoy her party no matter how many people turn up I'm sure. Most people are fairly reasonable and hopefully this mum is one of them. If you get your invites out it may be that the other mum can arrange something in the morning if yours in the afternoon, or vice versa. Or it may be that her child is only having a small event with a few friends so it may not impact on your DD's do anyway.

MrsReiver · 14/12/2012 11:46

Get them handed out tomorrow, like LifeofPo says people need notice, I'm sure they won't lose them.

Svrider · 14/12/2012 11:46

I agree hand out invites
You carnt possibly expect people to make arrangements for a party they don't know about
Make sure time, date and venue is on invite, with a RSVP date
Then in new year hand out update eg ooooh just to let you know theirs face paintings/ bouncy castle etc just as a gentle reminder

Whistlingwaves · 14/12/2012 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redlac · 14/12/2012 11:48

YY hand out invites today - I would rather have lots of notice than just a weeks notice (but do remember and put an date for people to RSVP by)

DD has gone to 2 parties in one day and others that clash then she goes to the one who got the invite in first.

Someone up there mentioned maybe inviting just all the girls - a little sad for the boys but thats maybe what the other mum is going to do for all the boys.

TangoPurple · 14/12/2012 11:52

Thanks, everyone.

Her party is at lunchtime 1-3pm. I never even thought that it would be possible for the children to attend two on the same day. I thought it would be a 'one or the other' type of scenario. sigh of relief

I don't trust dd to hand out invitations (sent her in with Christmas cards yesterday, she came back with ten of them and told me she'd given six to her best friend!). And her teacher is probably too busy to hand them out, so it'll be a case of me asking in the school yard which parents are in dd's class.

I really thought it was far too early to give them out now. It's almost a whole month away. DD's been invited to two parties this year, and they've all been handed out 1-2 weeks before the party.

OP posts:
LoopsInHoops · 14/12/2012 11:54

I agree, just hand them out now. Regardless of the other birthday, notice is needed.

LoopsInHoops · 14/12/2012 11:56

no no no, give to teacher to hand out.

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 14/12/2012 11:57

Good luck! Yes think you will have to bite the bullet and be brave and try to hand them out yourself as if you give them to teacher they presumably won't be given out until Mon now. Hope it all goes well and DD enjoys her birthday! (I think after the first year or two of school it gets a lot less stressful and less of a big deal if that's any consolation!)

11needsleep11 · 14/12/2012 12:01

My Daughters Birthday is on the 4th of January, and on the few occasions she's had a party, we send out invitations in Christmas cards. We've done it this year, and her party isn't till the 12th. Be brave. xxx

lynniep · 14/12/2012 12:09

Give them to the teacher to hand out and do it now. I would include the boys whose birthday it as well - this way his mum will know what time your party is and if she's thoughtful she will arrange his at a different time. You can't guarantee this, but on the other hand she might think 'oh DS can go to this party then have his own later on'

salemsparklys · 14/12/2012 12:11

Teachers are normally happy to hand them out, hope she has a lovely birthday when it comes x