To feel sick, worried and upset about something so trivial?

[TangoPurple]

DD is in primary one. She went to a special nursery several towns away from our home, so therefore didn't know anyone when she began school this summer. More than half of the class came from the local nursery, meaning more than half of the parents already knew each other.

I'm quite a shy person and find it uncomfortable making small talk. So it therefore required a heap of courage for me to go ahead and plan a party for dd's 5th brithday in January.

I like being organised, so I've already booked and paid for: the hall, bouncy castle, cake, invitations, entertainer, food, party bags etc. The only thing left to do is give out invitations!

But i've decided not to do this before the Christmas break as i think they'll get lost, people will forget etc. DD's birthday is on the Monday they start back at school, and her party is booked for the Saturday after this. I had planned on giving out the invitations on the Monday (1st day back at school).

Anyway, everything was fine until yesterday. DD told me that a boy in her class has his birthday on the same day as her, and that he is also having a party.

Today i got dd to point out the boy and i went and spoke to his mum. I was friendly, and introduced myself, and brought up what DD had told me. She confirmed her son's birthday was on the same day. I told her i have a party planned on the Saturday, and asked (apologising for being nosey) if she has anything planned yet, as i hadn't heard.

She said no, not yet, but she probably will have a party. I said jokingly 'Oh, hope it's not the same day as dd's.' She got a bit awkward and explained she works Sundays, and doesn't want to leave anything until the next weekend as that's almost 2 weeks after the actual birthday date.

I told her a bit about the party i had planned, and said i'd be more than happy to do a joint party, if she wanted to go halfs, or whatever she could manage.

She said thanks, but if she was going to do anything, she'd rather her son had his own.

I'm now worried sick that she might organise something for the same day as dd's. This little boy has lots of friends, and his mum is friendly with lots of the mums and dads from school (she's also on the PTA, and volunteers in the classrooms, school trips etc).

My little girl doesn't have many friends. She used to get a taxi to and from her nursery last year, so I've never even met those parents, and dd barely remembers any of the children.

Outside of school, there are no children in the family except my 2yo nephew, and a friend's little 3yo girl.

I'm now tempted to get the invitations handed out tomorrow (beating the other mum to it). But i think this is silly because A) it's far too early; B) Christmas break is near and the party will get forgotten and C) the invitaions will get lost.

I'm not sure what to do. I know this is extremely trivial, but it's had me in tears this morning. As i said before, i'm quite a shy person and it's taken a lot of courage for me to throw a party (not forgetting the fact it's cost a small fortune), and i'm now anxious that no one will turn up and dd will be traumatised.

Am I reading this right. You spoke to the Mum this morning and she hadn't arranged a party, you told her about yours and now she has rushed off and booked a party the same day before lunch and got the invites out??? You have to be kidding me. What a COW

You only need about 8 kids to make a decent party. See how many RSVPs you get back from the school friends I am sure you will have enough but if not you can then maybe look into inviting some other friends from her old nursery or neighbours? xx

Is the other child's party also 1-3 then? I echo what Mrsscoob just said - what a cow!

If the other lady has deliberately booked a party on the same day and then managed to get her invitations to school before you, after your conversation then I feel that's a really mean and unkind thing to do.

You were kind enough to speak with her and include her when you didn't have to, and it seem like you have had the rug pulled from underneath your feet.

I promise that your DD will not remember this, just concentrate on making her party day special, whether you have 3 guests or 33.

I am sorry things have turned out this way, it's crap.

I'd get the invites out right now and then on the first day back send out some sort of reminder cards.
I have trouble getting Dd's party done too, she's new year and everyone id partied out by then. I usually wait till first week back to school, but this year it's not till two week into new year.
Ds had same day as a very popular boy in school, and every year the parties seemed to clash, and Ds was never invited to his, so his parties were always small sadly.

I just read the update about her getting invites out immediately, At least now you know what you are up against for the future, what a mean spirited woman.

Incredibly mean of that woman.

I am not at all surprised you are feeling sick through the stress of it all. I reckon though that between you and all of us on here, we can come up with a good solution.

Can you call the cake lady and get a smaller cake made? She won't have started to make it yet will she, so hopefully that won't be too much of a problem.

Have you just paid a deposit for the venue? Could you call them and see if there's any movement on the date/time? Call the entertainer and ask if she would consider coming to your home on the Monday instead. If not, speak to a local soft play (if you're not totally averse to this) and see if they would do a party package for a few children on the Monday.

Unfortunately this woman has given you a load more work and additional stress for what should be a nice thing. I am very cross on your behalf. However, this can be solved with a few phone calls I promise you, and your DD will be none the wiser

Oh dear OP what a shame & how bloody annoying!!

Obviously it is really disappointing and annoying esp if you have shelled out loads of cash but you don't sound like the sort of person to have a big confrontation and there is little point anyway.

Also don't think there is any point in calling the other mum all the names under the sun.

Instead just focus on what to do next. Best case scenario the other mum MAY text back with some kind of compromise/ perhaps move her party time. Worst case scenario you just forget the big party thing and have a few friends round for a party tea on another night - simple party games/ fairy cakes etc. I did this for my DD's 5th and she enjoyed it just as much as (if not more than) a big party with loads of kids.

So as far as your DD is concerned I'm sure she will be less upset than you. Really hope it works out x

She knew there would be a party clash due to your goodwill and she got in there first! Bitch. Total cow.

I think you need to talk to her. Has she seriously organised it bang on the same time as well?

I would still get the invites out, see how many RSVPs you get and make a decision from there. If my child got two invites I would ask which party he wanted to go too and yours sounds like so much fun and probably a lot of the girls would choose your dds over a boys!

Obviously if you don't get many replies you can always cancel further down the line.

I would probably mention it to a few of the other mums in the playground in a "oh no, what bad luck" kind of way, and let them see what a cow she is.

You could do a party after school at your house for a few of her friends. Make it a pyjama party. Dress up your sitting room with duvets and pillows. Do pizza and cake for tea. Do a mug plus sachet of hot chocolate and little bag of marshmallows as a party bag. A few games...theme it all around bedtime. I reckon 6-8 children will be plenty and the party will go with a swing (but probably not a snore!

Rindercella's idea sounds great! As OP has already said she is quite shy and does not know/ is not friends with as many parents as the other mum so I just don't think there is much point in discussing it with lots of other mums implying the other mum is a cow (even if it's true!) or in trying to have a big conversation with the other mum.

Realistically may be just better to chalk this one up to experience & do something different on a different date instead (IMHO)

Rindercella - you have some great ideas! If you would like to pop round and give me a few tips here and there, it would be much appreciated

I like the pyjama party idea - it makes small people feel quite grown up and isn't too stressful for you either.

Agree - what the other Mum has done is rotten, but just don't go there, 'tis not worth it.

Thank you! Actually, I have often thought about helping people out organising kids' parties

DD1 and her best friend had a joint 5th party this year. We did a pyjama party but it was for a lot of kids (think about 25), in the afternoon and we had a bouncy castle and ice-cream van (the ice-cream was their pudding). The mugs + hot chocolate was what we came up with as a party bag & it was a damn fine idea and cost less than £2 per child.

Honestly OP, you can have a lovely party for your DD, you just have to think slightly differently now this woman has come along and scuppered your plans.

Definitely hand out the invitations now. It's never too soon.

If the other boy has his party on the same day it won't matter. It used to be quite routine for DS to go to two parties on the same day. I think the most we ever had was three on the same weekend (one on Saturday, two on Sunday).

I have to ask, why on earth would you make all these arrangements and incur all this cost without actually knowing if anybody can come?

I know you don't want your DD to be upset because nobody is coming, but to be fair, you hadn't even attempted to find out who could make it.

The other mother has tried to organise the party at another time to yours, but if she doesn't know because you haven't handed ou tinvitations, what's she to do.

Her DS party is as important to her as your DDs is to you.

p.s. FWIW I would take my children to two parties on the same day - have done 3 before, but if two clashed, I would go to the one who invited first.

I don't know anyone who's ever booked the party after sending out invites - could you imagine the upset if you got the RSVPs then couldn't get the date or time you'd planned?

I've only ever paid in full (always had to stump up a deposit) when I've had parties for my three DS.

Two weeks notice is probably the minimum to give for a party, I would have said, people get booked up.

that didnt make sense.

I've only ever paid in full when I've had ideas of final numbers.

Agree with MrsR. Unless it's going to be at your home, or another private venue, you have to secure the venue before you send out invitations.

DamnB, of course both parties are equally important to the children. However, knowing there was going to be a potential clash, the other mother should have double checked the times with Tango before she sent out the invitations for her son's party.

I wonder if she said no to the shared party because she saw Coffeedogs thread.

It sounded to me as if she did book it at a different time and sent a note to that effect or I have I read this wrong?

I've just re-read it, seems as though the parties clash for some of the time at least.

That's a bit rotten, especially if you'd already told the other mother the time.

Can you have some friends childrens/ neighbours/ relatives etc..

Will the venue not let you rearrange the time - seems a bit inflexible on their behalf?