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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to everyone else's Christmas shopping

75 replies

creamteas · 12/12/2012 19:45

I do not live close to any of my family. I met up with some at the end of Nov and gave them presents and have posted the rest.

Over the last few days I have had a series of calls/emails from my family asking what my DC want for Christmas. It's great that they want to give them something but all the conversations seem to go:

Them: So good presents would be x,y,z

CTeas: Yes that would be great, thanks

Them: Well I'm not sure how I could get them to you

CTeas: You could order online or post etc etc or if that is a problem, I'm sure they would be happy with money/vouchers

Them: I don't like giving money/vouchers, I'll sent you the money and you can get them

CTeas: I'm not really sure I have time, I'm working pretty solidly till Christmas, that's why I finished my Christmas shopping weeks ago

Them: They won't get a present unless you buy it for me

None of these conversations involve anyway who is elderly or has a disability. None of them are difficult suggestions (eg one is Men in Black 3 DVD).

Surely you either care enough about someone to put the effort in and organise a present or you don't. You should not expect other people to do your present buying for you.

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 12/12/2012 19:48

YANBU state firmly any money sent will go into DCs savings as you haven't the time.

Pandemoniaa · 12/12/2012 19:50

If anyone said to me that "they won't get a present unless you buy it for me", they would find their present politely declined.

chrismissymoomoomee · 12/12/2012 19:51

My nephew lives in Shetland, rather than pay postage I sent his presents with the click and collect service at Tesco, I think asda do it too. All you have to do is pick it up then.

degutastic · 12/12/2012 19:53

Or buy it off almost any online site with your address as the delivery address Xmas Hmm are they just deliberately difficult?

Yama · 12/12/2012 19:53

Just put the money into their accounts. I certainly wouldn't go and buy numerous presents for other people. No way.

So, either bank accounts or nothing at all.

Original poster
creamteas · 12/12/2012 19:56

I have 4 DC and two are over 18, so the savings thing just wouldn't work.

I would decline but then they would only have presents from me and to/from each other. So one biggish thing and probably some chocolate each as the two eldest are skint students!

OP posts:
Snog · 12/12/2012 19:57

I think you are being ungrateful and unhelpful here - these relatives want to give you money to buy items of your choice for your dc and although the suggestions aren't difficult to buy (by your own admission) you can't be bothered to do this?

Original poster
creamteas · 12/12/2012 19:57

All my suggestions could have been Tesco's Direct or Amazon and delivered here, but that was clearly was too much effort

OP posts:
Original poster
creamteas · 12/12/2012 20:00

I can do it, but don't see why they can't. I never expect other people to do my shopping for me.

OP posts:
Snog · 12/12/2012 20:00

Why is it too much effort for you then?
Is it not enough that people want to buy for your kids, are willing to go along with your suggestions and to bankroll this? That's hardly an insult!

Snog · 12/12/2012 20:02

I work full time but would be delighted if my relatives said this to me so I think your attitude is quite unreasonable and humbug

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2012 20:06

Yanbu. I can't believe people could be so lazy.

Pandemoniaa · 12/12/2012 20:10

I work full time but would be delighted if my relatives said this to me so I think your attitude is quite unreasonable and humbug

Really? It strikes me that the OP has been extremely reasonable. She's provided ideas, suggested that vouchers would be welcome, said that the items in question can be bought online and been rewarded for her helpfulness by being told that the giver can't, basically, be arsed to put any effort into the actual purchase of the present.

Original poster
creamteas · 12/12/2012 20:10

But why is it too much effort for them? This is not a single time, it is every birthday and every Christmas I have to shop not just for my own presents but also for half my family as well. I can't actually remember the last time any of them bothered to buy a gift. To me handing over cash is not the same as buying a gift. It basically shows a going through the motions (none of them are spending anything other than what they would consider to be small change).

If you do your own shopping you are investing effort and showing you care.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 12/12/2012 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 20:36

If they are going to hand over money to you they might as well hand over money to the DC, especially if they are teenagers/students.

But they will live if they only get presents from you and each other, won't they?

TheSkiingGardener · 12/12/2012 20:36

Of course YANBU. I would just do i this Christmas as it's a bit late now and you want them to have gifts. After Christmas I would send a note pointing out that it was very inconvenient for you to buy everybody's presents for your DC and that Amazon (or similar) have a wonderful service whereby all they have to do is click a few buttons.

Then refuse next time.

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 20:38

amazon gift list is genius idea, if only amazon paid their taxes

Roseformeplease · 12/12/2012 20:40

Isn't present giving all about thought, love and care? I would far rather have a small gift, posted and chosen than an easy, but more expensive, option where the giver can't be arsed to do anything more than provide money. It is not as if Christmas is a surprise - it is the same date every year.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/12/2012 20:40

YANBU. How hard is it to send something from Amazon? Or to buy a DVD and stick it in the post? I think part of gift giving must involve making some sort of effort - in fact the effort put in suggests more "giving" to me than the money spent, if you see what I mean.

I do provide a gift-buying service for my granny, as she is very old, disabled, and has no internet.

Those who can get to the shops or click on an Amazon wishlist have no excuse. Either get a present, or don't bother.

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2012 20:40

Agree to do it. Take the cash. Give it directly to the children and get them to write thank you letters for the cash. If the relatives complain, say you didn't have time in the end in the same casual off-hand way they said it to you.

Snog · 12/12/2012 20:41

I would honestly be extremely grateful to have these relatives you are all moaning about - this thread blows my mind

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 20:42

Rose, this is teenagers and skint students we're talking about
I agree take the cash, then oops you ran out of time
Kids send profuse thankyous saying how useful it was to have cash
Rellies take hint

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 12/12/2012 20:42

I do this every year with my family in Ireland. They send me the money and I buy for the English family and vice versa. Sometime we know we email links of what we want buying for the kids other times we say do as you please.

I don't consider it lazy or feel I'm doing their shopping. I call it family.

racingheart · 12/12/2012 20:46

I shop for the rest of the family too. Don't mind. I quite like getting to choose, but I agree that they could make the effort to fill in your address online. That's hardly difficult.

But teens love cash anyway. If they send cash just wrap it up in a Christmas cracker.