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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to everyone else's Christmas shopping

75 replies

creamteas · 12/12/2012 19:45

I do not live close to any of my family. I met up with some at the end of Nov and gave them presents and have posted the rest.

Over the last few days I have had a series of calls/emails from my family asking what my DC want for Christmas. It's great that they want to give them something but all the conversations seem to go:

Them: So good presents would be x,y,z

CTeas: Yes that would be great, thanks

Them: Well I'm not sure how I could get them to you

CTeas: You could order online or post etc etc or if that is a problem, I'm sure they would be happy with money/vouchers

Them: I don't like giving money/vouchers, I'll sent you the money and you can get them

CTeas: I'm not really sure I have time, I'm working pretty solidly till Christmas, that's why I finished my Christmas shopping weeks ago

Them: They won't get a present unless you buy it for me

None of these conversations involve anyway who is elderly or has a disability. None of them are difficult suggestions (eg one is Men in Black 3 DVD).

Surely you either care enough about someone to put the effort in and organise a present or you don't. You should not expect other people to do your present buying for you.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDude · 12/12/2012 20:49

YANBU.

I think this is really rude.

It's different if you've got an arrangement going on both sides of the family or if you're buying gifts that are difficult to send in the post, but honestly, how lazy do you have to be to refuse to pop a DVD in the post?!

If they'd got in touch with your children and said 'look, you're teenagers/adults now, can I send you the money', that would have been less rude and maybe fine. But not this.

PuppyMonkey · 12/12/2012 20:51

I'm with Snog - the CHEEK of these relatives offering to send your children money like that.

ENormaSnob · 12/12/2012 20:51

Yanbu at all.

Op has managed to buy their gifts and ensure they are received in time. Why the fuck should she have to sort out their gifts to her family too Hmm

They are not being fair.

hugoagogo · 12/12/2012 20:51

Are you possibly related to me? Shock

For years Christmas present buying for my sil consisted of her visiting HMV and buying a whole bunch of gift vouchers-job done. We rolled our eyes at this and moaned a bit to ourselves, but hey ho.

Last year instead of the vouchers she texted dh and said she was putting some cash in our paypal. Shock Shock

Mil does what your relative does-leaving me to rush around in the last week before Christmas when I've been organised and finished all my own shopping. Then I have to supply the wrapping paper aswell ( not too bad at Christmas, more annoying at birthdays) and forge her bloody handwriting!

Why so the dc have something to open on Christmas morning, poor little buggers.

elfyrespect · 12/12/2012 20:52

Do as Rhubarb says

ENormaSnob · 12/12/2012 20:54

Puppy, op said she wasn't bothered about them sending cash. It was that the relative is adamant she must buy the suggested gifts with said cash. Not just pass it to dc.

TheSkiingGardener · 12/12/2012 20:54

The rudeness comes in the assumption that they don't have the time, but you do. The implication is that they are therefore oh-so-much-more important and busy than you. If people are happy to do it then fine, but to still insist it's done this way even when the OP says it will be difficult for her is just bloody rude.

DontmindifIdo · 12/12/2012 21:03

thing is, this is the worst week for Christmas shopping, it's hellish out there now, all the shops are heaving with people who've left it doing their shopping. If you work full time then it's even worse if you have to go on Saturday. Why should you give up your saturday doing shopping for other people when I'm sure they could easily do the on line delivered to you option. they've left it until it's not an easy "pick this up when you're doing your own shopping" but a "special trip because they can't be bothered on one of the most busy shopping days of the year".

Stand firm, call back and say you now have plans for the weekend so can't get to the shops, so rather than waste time with them sending money to you then you ordering on line tonight, can they not just do it themselves? Say you will just give the DCs the cash if they send money to you.

PuppyMonkey · 12/12/2012 21:03

Still, nice to give something isn't it? Or did you tell them to eff off for being so rude, op?

Original poster
creamteas · 12/12/2012 21:07

I think perhaps taking the cash and 'not having time' to get the gifts might be the way to go! Thanks for that suggestion.

hugo whilst I commiserate, I'm also glad someone else shares my pain Xmas Grin

OP posts:
BerthaTheMangerBurglar · 12/12/2012 21:11

But Puppy, the relatives aren't offering to send the children money. That's the whole point, they don't want to just send the children money. They want to send the money to CreamTeas and have her buy and wrap the present that they can't be bothered to buy themselves, so that the children get a present and they get the credit without making any effort.

And this isn't about family helping each other out, is it? Because CreamTeas clearly thinks that if she'd not bothered to buy any presents, and just phoned her relatives this week and said "get your own, I'll send money" that wouldn't go down well.

Hmm. Of course, the follow-on to that is "lets not bother sending each other money to buy our own presents, lets just keep our own money and spend it on ourselves". [Genius. Why didn't we think of this earlier?]

I think the answer to They won't get a present unless you buy it for me is "Oh, shame. Would you like us not to bother buying you presents in future, too?".

Speedos · 12/12/2012 21:17

YANBU my PIL do this for every birthday and every Christmas. My DH picks something out of the presents we have bought to come from them, drives me insane as I have taken the time and effort to pick something! I keep saying to DH why can't we just put the money in their bank!

Snog · 12/12/2012 21:18

But Bertha they Have made an effort!!
They rang up
They asked what the mum would like them to buy for the dc
They agreed to give their hard earned cash for the mum to get the present she selected herself
I would find this fab and not berate them for their perceived lack of effort!! Has the world gone mad?

Snog · 12/12/2012 21:20

I feel very sorry for the relatives in question, and for the dc as I think the OP is obstructing the relationship not helping it

ENormaSnob · 12/12/2012 21:23

Asking for suggestions for gifts usually doesn't mean the receiver purchases it and you just pass the money over.

It means you take into account the suggestions, decide what to buy, buy it, wrap it, tag it and send it.

Expecting someone else to spend time and money doing the dirty work is not on. If you can't be arsed going shopping then just send the cash directly. Not with stipulations that someone else has to do the donkey work and you get the glory.

PuppyMonkey · 12/12/2012 21:23

If they send the money they should get the credit though. As if any of them would really check it's been spent on the precise items mentioned - they don't exactly sound the type to spend ages investigating the matter.

Well hopefully they'll get the message and spare op the bother in future - by offering zilch.

Snog · 12/12/2012 21:27

I would be delighted to give a relative the glory in this situation
Am utterly staggered by how ungrateful you lot are except for puppy monkey.

Snog · 12/12/2012 21:34

Do you require all presents to be delivered by real reindeer too?

ENormaSnob · 12/12/2012 21:34

Not as ungrateful as happily receiving gifts that the op bought, wrapped and delivered then not being arsed about reciprocating unless op does the hard work.

In future op I would suggest no gifts at all.

I couldn't be arsed with all this. And certainly wouldn't have time to do last minute shopping that someone else couldn't be arsed to do.

Not entirely sure why some people think their time is worth far more than yours.

shrimponastick · 12/12/2012 21:36

Op I hear you.

YANBU.

I end up having to do the same. I do have the time , bit having found out what y the DC might like and passed on the info I get fed up being given a cheque to buy their gifts.

Double pita as it means a special trip to bank said cheque.

I hate Xmas shopping, therefore get my gifts sorted out in advance.

Just give them the money.

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 21:37

Snog, really, after buying all presents for for four kid, for 18 years?

Shes' a working mother with 4 kids. I think her relatives could be more thoughtful towards the OP.

Why can't they chuck a tenner in a card? That's what people who can't be arsed to go christmas shopping have done since time immemorial.

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 21:38

apols for apostrophe fail
I realise that invalidates my argument

skatebauble · 12/12/2012 21:41

I completely understand this. You are cross because you have finished but cross because they wont put an order through on the internet. Why dont you just order it off the internet and wait to be reimbursed from relatives.
A pain in the backside yes, but your dc get gifts that your relatives wanted to buy. Does it really matter who checks out on the internet?

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 12/12/2012 21:43

The OP is not ungrateful. Her relatives are rude. They're basically telling her that their time is much more important than hers.

My mum used to ask me every year what the DC wanted but she would go and buy it and wrap it because they were important enough to her for her to make the effort.

Snog · 12/12/2012 21:45

Honestly, you folk are vilifying people who I would feel very fondly towards in this situation and I think it's a shame and yes I think it's unchristmassy to think having to go to the bank to bank a cheque so you can buy what you choose for your own kids is some kind of insult or slack behaviour from the giver. What planet are you all on?