To think I wasn't in the wrong here?!

[PenguinBear]

We sometimes have the little children over the road to play while their mum does the shopping/ has a rest etc. I know she is using me as free child care as DP loves to remind me but my dc love her children so I don't mind having them. This has been going on a couple of years now but they are no bother so it's all good. Their father works from home but I usually only see their mum.

She is currently pregnant and wanted to go with her DH to buy some baby stuff at the weekend so asked if we could have the children for the day.

I foolishly said yes and we had them for about 8 hours (much longer than expected). I tried to ring but they were 'stuck' in London.
We ended up all going out for dinner in the evening so took them with us, dropped them home, all was well so I thought.

One of them left some bits at our house so I have just dropped them over and her DH answered the door and proceeded to tell me off for letting his children have ice-cream. I felt like saying well come back when you said you would. They never told me not to let them have ice-cream and it was only a small child's portion after their pizza dinner at a local Italian.
AIBU to be annoyed? I did them a favour imo and feel like I won't bother next time which is a shame as the children are lovely.

Sorry for the long post, thanks if you got to the end!

Smellslikecatspee - the suggestion to tell the wife is because the op has more contact with the wife, may feel more comfortable telling the wife and couples do talk, so the wife can probably tell the husband. I don't disagree with your comments about the husband looking after his own DC.

If someone said to me "your DH said X to me and I was a bit surprised" I could translate that to DH as "you said X to her, which makes you sound like a complete bastard and you have clearly upset her, you need to apologise". DH would do a few minutes of self righteous indignation before realising he was wrong and apologising to her. Much easier than her confronting DH, having already felt belittled by him.

"Loved having your monkeys over last weekend. They are super and I was pleased to be paying you a service. I am therefore upset and confused to myself reprimanded rather than thanked by your husband. Felt like being a school girl in the headmaster's office. Is all well at home?"

Or something line that?

Good luck. I still think talking rather than texting is best though.

"To find myself being reprimanded"

Sorry to say this but stop bring such a bloody doormat! Pull them up on their shite, RUDE behaviour, present them with a bill for the kids meals and don't babysit again! Please grow some balls and stop letting these people walk over you.

Don't you DARE apologise to them in your text! And no 'how are you's either! This text is not a social call, it is informing her that THEY ARE IN THE WRONG. So no nicities!

I'd go with something along the lines of what BornToFolk posted -

(slightly editted)
"I was very hurt by what your husband said the other day. I looked after your children all day and bought them dinner and to be honest a thank you would have been more appropriate than a telling off. I love having your children over but I really don't appreciate being spoken to like that."^

And see how she responds. If it is anything less than prostrating herself in apology for her wanker husband - and insisting that he apologise too - you absolutely MUST NOT provide her with free childcare at her convenience again. Ever. By all means invite the children to play with yours, but do not accede to her requests again.

And incidentally - does she ever invite your children over to play at hers?

How about
Hope you & Victor (Meldrew) enjoyed your day out in London,probably your last day out before the baby?! The kids were no trouble,they are always nice for my dc to be around. I do feel I wanted to say I was really suprised to have a telling off after having them for rather longer than I'd planned,which is why we had to take them with us for our planned meal out. Didn't know about the ice cream being such a problem,still you have an au pair starting soon so you won't have to ask for the help,we are so busy. Have a lovely Christmas,good luck with the new baby x

Don't bother confronting the crazy neighbours if you don't want to. And have the children over again if they play so nicely with yours. It's great for your kids, too.

Just make sure that absolutely every time they come over, you offer them ice cream. Every time. Make sure you have some sweets to sprinkle on top, too.

Use whereyouleftit's text

Was there something particular about the ice cream that pissed the dad off? I have friends (a couple) who occasionally look after my dd (I also look after their dc a lot, I am not your neighbour) and despite my having told them at least 1000 times that we don't eat animals they repeatedly give my dd marshmallows and jelly sweets that contain gelatine. I have tried to be nice about itso far but I will be going mental at them if they do it again.

'Hi Margot, hope you & Jerry had a nice day out. WTF is this about the ice cream? Jerry had a go at me about it, very odd. Can you point out to the silly sod that I was stuck with taking the kids to dinner with us because you guys were late back? Not that they weren't lovely, as ever! BTW, you owe me £x for their meal...haven't included the ice cream, obviously ;)'

...& then gauge further interactions depending on whether the response is apologetic or arsey.

What about saying "DH and I have some jobs to do on Saturday, could you mind our DC for a few hours please? We're on a new family diet, so they are not allowed to have anything apart from organic, raw food, and no tv thanks. Knew you wouldn't mind returning the favour. Cheers."

But seriously, please address this now in one of the ways outlined by other posters, these people are pisstakers.

I'd have told him he was nutter and he wouldnt have to worry about ice cream again as you won't be doing him any more favours.

I'd text "Wtf is up with Horace today?! Telling me off because I gave Bono and Yoko some ice cream while out on our planned family meal!

Use whereyouleftit text as a guide.

Do NOT apologise anywhere in your text. There is nothing to be sorry for.

Don't be a doormat. It is liberating and empowering to stand up for yourself, without any of the (British?) compulsion to water it down with sorry, sorry, sorry bollocks.

You'll feel better once its done, I promise.

Please....Do Not Apologuise, you did nothing wrong.
Unless you count being a good neighbor and friend wrong.
I'd send a text or message saying "I have done nothing but try and be a friend and help you our with your children, and don't appreciate your husband complaining to me about what I fed them. I am not your paid nanny, I am merely a neighbor trying to lend you a hand out of the kindness of my heart."

Ooh, use Raven's version.

I think you're all overthinking it. The only txt message I'd be sending is "fuck off to the far side of fuck and go fuck yourself". Simple and to the point. Hard to misinterpret.

Please don't apologise. They are both cheeky buggers. Has the mother thanked you for her free child care day out? Pull her up on it immediately.
"Was upset that after taking care of your 2 all day Sat that I was told off by Victor rather than thanked profusely. Is he usually such a wanker? love Penguin. "

Cheeky bastards.

You sound a lovely, generous and caring person OP. Please don't let these people jade you!

Personally I'd wait until they ask again and just say no. If you don't like confrontation then don't create a situation that will cause you stress.

*That isn't to say that if the don't like confrontation you should let them take advantage of you - just say a firm no to the next request.

Agree with everyone else, what a horrid man. Cheeky gets too - I can't believe anyone would leave their children that long and not apologise profusely and offer to pay for the meal! How very rude.

I'm afraid I agree and you should probably refuse to help out in future, OR - if you don't want to fall out (but really!) you should maybe talk to Mum about it. I'd certainly want an apology, that's disgraceful.

Cheeky!!!! I'd have to say something. He needs to be set right.

Do not apologise!
They should apologise to you on several counts.

OP you need to work on your self esteem :). I dislike confrontations as well. Think of it less like a confrontation and more of a 'after the confrontation' event.

This man was wrong. Either you avoid the 'confrontation' (a perfectly valid choice) or remind yourself how rude and ungrateful this man has been and let him politely know how he has made you feel. Do not apologise for feeling this way. You are not at fault. If you apologise you are effectively saying 'you upset me but its my fault'

Either nothing or something... but be clear of the purpose of that something

I understand the 'talk to the mum' but really this man is an adult and should be accountable. His wife is not his parent.

Bloody hell.

OP, you sound lovely. I would be inclined to say something now otherwise it would play on my mind.

What a dick.

Penguin, please promise to come back and tell us how it goes (and how the neighbours react) when you've decided how you're going to tackle it!

I've been in this situation - looked after dc when parents were late back, looked after dog when owners (different ones) were 8 hours later (they'd stopped for 'dinner'!) and never said anything. But i make sure I'm not available every time, just so I don't get walked over. (i loved having the dc, and the dog, but they are not mine, and i don;t feel any responsiblity to house them. I feel as if you think you have, OP)

But then I've never been attacked for doing them a favour, so would have prob said something to the wanker at the time - bit back if you like. Something like 'well if you were back on time I wouldn't have needed to feed your children.'

I'd say something, even if it's just 'I didn;t know the dc weren't allowed Ice cream?' to the DW.