To plan to hold to ransom the next BT Openreach engineer that wanders into our close until our phone line is fixed?

[BungerBear]

My first AIBU and I most probably am, BUT I am a woman on the edge.

Basically our phone and internet were cut off 21 days ago by another utility company. When they backfilled the hole our services ceased to work. For the whole street save for one house. The guys who did this were approached by my DH and they denied all responsibility and schlepped off.

Ok cut a loooong and very boring story short and despite numerous complaints to all our service providers BT Openreach continue to lie to us. We have had so many dates of completion that have been and sailed past with no resolution in sight. And they will not talk to anyone who is not a BT customer. I have had a snotty email from them telling me I am not allowed to talk to them. . And the buttmunchers have told us that we would have 10 engineer here to fix the problem today

So am I BU unreasonable to hatch a plot to ambush the next engineer who wanders into our street and hold him ransom until our job is fixed. And if I take this course of action am I also allowed to demand a takeaway pizza, 1 million dollars and a helicopter to take me to a tropical island as in all good hostage movies?

YANBU if you promise to give him to me when he's done

Our internet wifi is broken, it only works with the cable, which is no good with 6 teenagers!

Done but be warned I will work him hard. You are invited on my helicopter with me if you need to escape the 6 teenagers!

Where in the country are you? DH is an Openreach engineer, I am fairly open to pimping him out!

Yes please to both

BT are shocking.

Took them three weeks to send an engineer to our new address, he installed it, all working.

Then phoneline stopped working but BB still ok. But BB kept turning off if we lifted the phone to try it.

BT convinced engineer hadnt installed properly. So sent him out again. He said he wasnt supposed to fix it as we needed a faults engineer. But he did it anyway. Some other engineer had hooked up our phoneline to someone elses house

DP was on the phone (at his mums) for hours to sort it all out.

Kidnap him. Do it! Its the only way!!

Pop. We are Welsh Marches. To be fair the engineers that have come out have been nice but the bigwigs are useless excuses for DNA. They have made me mad. I am now not a nice person because I am so mad. The other residents in the street are open to the kidnap and ransom plan. We will make the news.

I can see an upside and a downside to this plan.

The upside is you are pretty much guaranteed to be able to access working broadband.

The downside is that you will only get to see your husband during visiting hours, if he can be bothered to come visit.

But but but.....

Awwwww. I will get the helicopter and everything. To a tropical island. One with no extradition agreement. I would be safe. Its foolproof.

Won't I? Don't tell me I won't get away with it.

In that case I need help to hatch a suitably dastardly plot...