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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think its not ok for ex to play cricket on his day with the dc ?

78 replies

rednailpolish · 10/12/2012 16:55

.... because he's playing cricket for several hours and the children are at the ground "watching" (ie largely unsupervised)... the dc are 8 and 5.... I am really unhappy about it and have said I would rather have the children back.... he says i'm irrational, mad and over reacting....

OP posts:

racingheart · 10/12/2012 19:26

I think YANBU. If I only saw my kids two days a week, I'd jack in every hobby that clashed so they had my full attention. We'd still do some dull stuff together - cleaning, shopping - as that is important too. But I think DC who only see a parent part-time and then are utterly ignored for the best part of one of those days, are getting a clear message that they are WAY down their father's list of priorities.

You're right IMO.

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast · 10/12/2012 19:32

I do think your youngest is a little young to watch his Dad playing cricket for hours just with his brother and little attention from a grown-up.
Could be fine in a couple of years time.

ChristmasPickles · 10/12/2012 19:37

I really can't believe people think it's ok for a 5 year old to be left in an open space, near a carpark unsupervised!!

OP I would be horrified too.

Hobbitation · 10/12/2012 19:39

Why doesn't he arrange to have them on a different day if he plays cricket on one of the days he has them?

BillyBollyBrandy · 10/12/2012 19:41

YANBU A cricket match is a whole tedious day. It's not like a couple of hours for a footie match so he is BU to not want to spend that time interacting with his dc. He could take them to watch a match if that important.

YADNBU regarding the child safety. If he was playing no one would be watching the dc as it would take his attention. Bored kids wander off.

Hobbitation · 10/12/2012 19:44

^ I think YANBU. If I only saw my kids two days a week, I'd jack in every hobby that clashed so they had my full attention. We'd still do some dull stuff together - cleaning, shopping - as that is important too. But I think DC who only see a parent part-time and then are utterly ignored for the best part of one of those days, are getting a clear message that they are WAY down their father's list of priorities.

You're right IMO.^

Completely agree. If you only have kids for two days surely you can arrange your life to spend most of your time with them on those two days, not hours and hours when they are left to their own devices, plus the dodginess of that in itself. Really not on.

OTTMummA · 10/12/2012 20:54

IMHO it is incredibly selfish for him to ignore them over cricket, but,, he can spend his time with them however he wishes, so long as the children are safe. One day they will look back and remember either that it was fun or that they weren't as important as cricket.

nagynolonger · 10/12/2012 21:34

But the DC are not safe. They can wander off and he might not notice. They can get dehydrated/sunburnt, hit by a cricket ball,.... all sorts of things. The youngest is only 5 and if he is fielding in a 45 over match he is effectively away from them for 3 hours. He does neeed another adult to mind them.

Alconleigh · 10/12/2012 22:08

Having been left in charge of a 4 year old by a weekend dad who just couldn't do without his cricket, YANBU. To put it in context, I have no kids, was enjoying a slightly boozy spectator event and was left with a lovely but nervous child who needed accompanying to the loo, constant interaction, keeping off the wicket because he just wanted some interaction with his father.....horrible. FOr the chIld.

ImaginateMum · 10/12/2012 22:15

YY to all the people mentioning the care issues. Also, at the start and end of the season it is often a long COLD day!

I have yet to go to a cricket ground that without a car park which was used constantly all day, and usually by fairly main roads too.

When I take the kids to watch DH we often go in two cars so he can go earlier / leave later than us. Many other mothers do the same.

I think cricket is a lovely sport for a dad to take his kids too. He just needs an extra adult there too. Are his parents local / cricket fans?

jb198 · 10/12/2012 22:46

As a long suffering weekend cricket widow....

Dh would not take dcs when he has a game alone, there is a park right next to our ground that they would proberbly be fine on... But he could never be sure they were without keep checking. We usually go down later and leave sooner, it can be a long boring cold day.
Next season dh is not playing for the 1st team as its all a bit too much commitment and eats every weekend all summer!

Beamur · 10/12/2012 22:50

I haven't read every post, but YANBU.
Cricket takes a long time, unless the kids are cricket nuts too it will be boring, it's not the safest environment either - accidents happen, he cannot be supervising them at all times, although there will be lots of other people about who could be keeping an eye out.
I wouldn't be happy with this either. I take my DD along to visit Daddy when he plays - she's also 5 - and we stay maybe half an hour and she (and I) are bored and want to do something else!

misterwife · 11/12/2012 01:37

It's U for them to be largely unsupervised.

It's NU for cricket to be the activity of choice, as long as they're learning about it and engaged with it. Cricket is the best sport. It is the sport of kings! And may anyone who says otherwise be voted out of the Big Brother House.

Seriously, though, I think the context of this one suggests that your partner is jollying off and doing his own thing while the kids are more-or-less left to their own devices. That's not cool, so YANBU.

JamieandtheMagiTorch · 11/12/2012 06:29

I think if they are unsupervised, he's being selfish and is not putting them first.

NorksAreTinselly · 11/12/2012 06:41

Perhaps it is now time for you to reorganize access so that he doesn't have them on the Sundays.
I suspect he will never stop playing cricket, so you need an alternative plan

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 11/12/2012 07:02

Poor you, sometimes it's hard to reason with a DP, but with an ex DP it's so much worse.
YANBU at all, I would be appalled.
Good luck and I hope he sees reason.

thebody · 11/12/2012 07:35

Na, op u r right. Far far too young to he left without full supervision.

Just tell him that, ask him if any if the other kids of this age are unattended? I suggest they won't be.. Say no its too young but maybe fine in a few years but not now.

Fairylea · 11/12/2012 07:42

Yanbu.

mindosa · 11/12/2012 09:48

YABU It is good for your children to see their father do a non-child centric hobby/sport. I think he is setting a great example
You are overreacting and being too intense about parenting

Bramshott · 11/12/2012 10:02

It's up to him how he spends his time with the kids, and watching cricket can be quite a nice, family-friendly activity.

However, it's absolutely acceptable for you to tell him that they are too young to be left unattended so he needs to get someone else to come along too - surely he can find a local teenager happy to spend the day watching the kids at the cricket ground for £20 or £30?

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 11/12/2012 10:08

I don't think yabu at all.

My DH plays cricket - it's not a couple of hours, it can go on from midday - 8pm at the height of summer and to suggest that leaving a 5 & 8 year old virtually unsupervised in a public place for 8 hours is appropriate and on a par with say, half an hour of MN & a cuppa is ridiculous.

This is supposed to be time for him & the DC's to spend together and he needs to get his priorities right & compromise to some degree.

seventheaven · 11/12/2012 10:30

Hi Red I don't think that you yabu with regard to questioning his ability to supervise your dc's adequately whist he is playing cricket. I wonder if you both could find a responsible teenager or two (friends older dc's maybe?) who would be willing to 'nanny' them at the cricket ground (whilst he plays) in exchange for some pocket money?

I hope you and your ex can resolve this issue so that all are happy with future arrangements

seventheaven · 11/12/2012 10:37

Lol Bram I missed your post!

Agree the cricket scene can be lovely for families and children, sunny days and being outside with others to play with. Op's ex could when he's not fielding get the kids to have a game.

DowagersHump · 11/12/2012 10:55

I cannot imagine anything more dreadful that hanging around a cricket pitch for hours on end every Sunday. I used to have to hang around the tennis court when I was a kid and that was bad enough.

Your ex sounds like a selfish arse

seventheaven · 11/12/2012 11:20

You are right Dowager he does sound selfish, but it is unlikely that he will stop his cricket day so it's worth looking at ideas that will help to ensure that the children are supervised and not left to their own devices whilst he plays.
Your post makes me wonder how the dc feel about being there? Do they enjoy it or is it a trial Op?

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