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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel even less sympathy for the Australian DJs after watching their interview?

246 replies

miamibeach · 10/12/2012 16:15

Especially the guy.

The woman said she hopes the public respect the privacy of the nurses family.

Shame she didn't show the same respect of Kate's privacy.

OP posts:
chipstick10 · 12/12/2012 17:11

I hate to be a conspiracist, but something about this whole case doesn't sit right. I don't know why.

Sallyingforth · 12/12/2012 17:14

Then wait for the inquest.

NetworkGuy · 12/12/2012 18:01

'despite what anyone says, a minor incident'

Not sure that what amounts to a media intrusion into some patient's privacy (for starters) and then the rest of the media making it headline grabbing news, despite what you think, a "minor incident".

There was criticism of the DJs and the radio station for airing it first, there was far less criticism of the rest of the media rebroadcasting it in part or in full, while the hospital copped it pretty big for the poor handling and break in security.

Even after some days, when there may have been behind the scenes questions from security and the royal family directed at the hospital, followed by possibly angry comments fed down to the nurses involved, and while all that is going on, the topic has hardly been off the media, though perhaps not top of the news headlines.

Now say it's a "minor incident" again, and think how one of those who was the target of the prank may feel, when there's probably gossip in the hospital when working, and the news coverage is still going on, and I don't think it would have been so "minor" to Jacintha...

NetworkGuy · 12/12/2012 18:03

"the main fault is with the radio station/dj's for pulling the prank in the first place."

It's not just the fact they pulled the prank, but they broadcast without (as far as can be ascertained, as they only said they rang 5 times, not that they got permission on the 5th call) permission or knowledge of the nurses, and not just that they broadcast it, but their "dynamite" prank call was against all sorts of journalistic / moral principles, yet they didn't consider broadcasting an excerpt, perhaps mostly of their own fake accents, and explained that they had got through, much to their surprise, but because the information was concerning a patient, they could not broadcast it.

They would have still caused a lot of news coverage because of the security issue, but not broadcasting the voices of the nurses, nor giving much detail about the time of the call, there would have been more limited 'fall out' in the UK, IMO.

NetworkGuy · 12/12/2012 18:06

I don't regularly buy any newspapers, but I suspect there were articles every day after the story of the DJs making the call broke, and little let-up since.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 12/12/2012 18:07

A minor effing incident?

Really really stupid thing to say.

Even without this tragic outcome their arses should have been well and truly slapped. And when I say them I don't just mean the dj's.

jumpingjane · 12/12/2012 18:08

Susannah:
'Why on earth do some regard any reference on here to her probable fragile mental state as some sort of insult? We are all trying to mke sense of what she did, and surely no-one can disagree that suicide was an extreme reaction to what was, despite what anyone says, a minor incident.

The hospital clearly stated that she was not reprimanded at all, and Buckingham palace have also confirmed that no complaint was issued from them.'

I don't find it insulting. Her family might well do though.

You are obviously quite clear in your mind that this was a 'minor' incident, despite suggestions my multiple posters on several threads that it wasn't. Lots of people have disagreed with you- you only need to read the posts here.
I find your opinions and way of expressing yourself incredibly arrogant and stupid. Even if it was may have been 'minor' to you, which I doubt you can honestly say, unless you have been in the same or v similar circumstances, it clearly wasn't minor to her and she was a different person, who should not be judged to be unstable/ weak or whatever simply because her feelings were different to what yours may or may not have been in the same set of circumstances.

As far as the hospital stating that they did not reprimand her, etc- you are incredibly naive and again stupid to believe that.

As I asked before, are a mental health expert? Are you a close personal friend or the personal physician of the nurse? Do you work at the hospital and were you involved directly in the whole process?

No? Then don't make comments which are at best ignorant, judgemental and potentially deeply hurtful to those who are immediately connected to this tragedy.

SusannahL · 14/12/2012 10:40

Oh dear jumpingjane, you really do seem to be missing the point of these forums don't you?

Everyone has a right to voice their opinions on this and other topics.

You will disagree with some of those comments. Sorry but that how it works!

jumpingjane · 14/12/2012 18:13

No, Susannah. I am well aware that this is AIBU. You have a right to your views. Other people have a right to their views too and a right to respond to yours.

I am simply challenging you on your statements which seem to be very uninformed (you still haven't answered my question as to whether you have professional expertise to back up your statements that the nurse obviously had MH issues). In addition. I am pointing out that what you are writing here could cause a great deal of upset to people reading them.

festivelyfocussed · 14/12/2012 20:06

FYI, opinions aside, it is not the case that a person who commits suicide must necessarily have had a pre existing mental health problem.
This is not an opinion, simply a statement of fact.
HTH (although i doubt it).

jumpingjane · 14/12/2012 20:22

I understand that, festivelyfocused.

Multiple possible causes for suicide and foolishly simplistic and, as you say, erroneous to assume that she had serious MH problems.

Poor lady suddenly thrust into an incredibly stressful situation.

SusannahL · 17/12/2012 11:07

We now have another interesting development to mull over. The nurse stated in one of her suicide notes that she expressly blames the DJs for her act.

What a terrible thing for the DJs, but was she justified in stating that?

diddl · 17/12/2012 11:24

Well, if that´s how she felt, then that is how she felt.

Whether or not others agree is up to them.

They were the ones actually taking the piss though & unfortunately she fell for it.

SusannahL · 17/12/2012 11:32

Well I thought it was vindictive of her to spell it out like that.

Nancy66 · 17/12/2012 11:36

she left a lot of letters blaming a lot of people....

diddl · 17/12/2012 11:42

Well it seems people were thinking it anyway-hardly a revelation!

They were happy enough to gloat about making a fool of her.

SusannahL · 17/12/2012 11:43

Really? We are seeing things in a new light now aren't we?

everlong · 17/12/2012 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Animation · 17/12/2012 11:56

"Well I thought it was vindictive of her to spell it out like that."

Susannah - Yes I think suicide, particularly by hanging and attempted suicides can be an act of anger. She appears angry in her suicide notes.

SusannahL · 17/12/2012 12:00

Nancy has said there were a lot of letters blaming a lot of people, so obviously it wasn't just a result of the hoax call.

So there are now a lot of people feeling absolutely terrible after reading she was blaming them for what she was about to do.

Sorry but I think that was vile.

everlong · 17/12/2012 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinPositive · 17/12/2012 12:07

Nancy has said there were a lot of letters blaming a lot of people, so obviously it wasn't just a result of the hoax call.

Well, 3 letters. I haven't heard mention of any more unless you've heard differently?

Sorry but I think that was vile

Likely the balance of her mind was disturbed.

Unless the content deals with something that would be a matter of public interest (ie, hospital breached protocol or didnt give its staff appropriate training) I think for everyone's sake, not least hers, the content would be best kept private.

PlaySchool · 17/12/2012 12:08

I guess she was only stating the facts. I am doing x because of y. Fair enough.

Suicide is not necessarily a rational action. You cannot blame the person committing suicide. I don't suppose she ever wanted to feel suicidal or had suicide as a goal in her life. I'm glad I have never been so tortured that I felt death was my only salvation.

Animation · 17/12/2012 12:31

"You cannot blame the person committing suicide"

But I think it's OK to be annoyed with them. Their actions do leave everyone blaming themselves and feeling condemned - and for many years to come.

wannaBe · 17/12/2012 12:42

dear God is this still going on? Hmm

People seem to have entirely lost all sense of perspective over this.

Yes, it was a stupid thing to do. But it was a joke. Bad taste, absolutely, badly thought out to air it, totally. But equally to kill herself over it was entirely disporportionate. We all saw the news reports on the Tuesday, but after that the story pretty much died down, and it was the other nurse who took most of the flack anyway because she was the one giving out the information. So to say that this woman was publically humilliated by the world is frankly rubbish. Equally to compare this suicide to that of someone who has been bullied is wrong - bullying is sustained, this was not.

And no, it is not a "fact" that someone doesn't have to be mentally unstable to kill themselves - it is an opinion. Fact is that generally, normal, rational thinking people do not commit suicide. And generally, people do not commit suicide on impulse. There are of course exceptions such as in the case of the twin towers, where people jumped to their deaths rather than be burned/crushed alive within the building, or someone who loses a child and feels they can't go on without them. But as a rule suicide is the conclusion to a series of issues. And the problem with the statement that someone doesn't have pre-existing issues before committing suicide is one that can never be proven, because once someone kills themselves they're dead, so their opinion cannot be sought. I've often heard people say that someone had everything to live for/didn't have any issues before they killed themselves, often by friends/family. But clearly that can't be the case or they wouldn't have committed suicide, as hard as that is for the remaining relatives to deal with.

I think leaving letters blaming specific individuals is pretty despicable actually. And I don't think that being dead makes that less so. This woman chose to take her own life. She may have felt that certain events were the catelist to her doing so, but ultimately the choice was her's. To put in writing that the blame should lie with other people is pretty selfish IMO. They weren't to blame. Suicide could never ever have been foreseen.

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