to question why all social events have to involve drinking / getting drunk and to feel like I have grown out of it?

[Misspearshaped]

Every time there is a birthday, hen do, wedding, Christmas party etc amongst my friends / colleagues all people seem to want to do is drink and get drunk.

I am not a big drinker. I will have a couple of drinks but I'm not really into the whole "let's get really wasted" thing. I was when I was at uni, but that was 10 years ago and now I have hit 30 I have better ways to spend my time and money. I feel like I have totally grown out of wanting to get pissed.

I am very good at standing up for myself and not having my arm twisted into drinking more than I want to, but I am fed up with constantly being made to feel 'boring' because I don't want to get drunk.

One of the reasons I don't drink to excess is that I have hobbies and interests (mainly sport) so I like to feel fresh at the weekend to enjoy my hobbies and not slob around with a hangover all day. I also like to save my money for holidays or nice things for my house rather than spend all my wages on tequila slammers. I also have quite a high-stress job with a lot of responsibility so I can't afford to be hungover on weekdays either. Plus I can't be bothered with drinking too much and making a fool of myself (it's ok when you are 21 but a bit cringe when you are 30 I think) and I care about my health as well.

AIBU to feel this way?

Of course YANBU. I've been in a similar situation with some friends - they know now that they won't convince me to go out and get smashed so I don't get invited out with them much any more. That suits me fine, I have other more mature friends who are happy to just go for dinner and have one drink.

They don't
it's just your current friends
I've grown out of it too but so have most of my friends, so there's lots of lunches and meals (where most people drive) or walks or days out or spa trips etc

Your friends sound boring if all they do is get drunk - not you, you sound like you have more imagination than them with your hobbies and holidays and work etc

sounds like a friend rut!

I know exactly where you are coming from, Misspearshaped!
I have been asked if I am teetotal as if it was some sort of disease. All I can say is that I love a good glass of red, but I'd rather not drink myself into oblivion, thank you very much.

Mine don't. They haven't done for about 15 years

YANBU! I don't drink so that kind of night would be a nightmare for me! Your friends shouldn't be making you feel boring as you're not. They should respect your choice not to drink. Sounds like your friends aren't acting their age!

Thanks guys.

Question is, when will my friends grow out of it?!

Some of them are still single, so I know obviously they are more likely to want to go out and party....but some of them are early 30s and married.......

That's not to say that none of us ever get merry but the last time I heard anyone say

'let's go out and get wasted'

Inspiral Carpets were in the charts

I thought I'd outgrown it as well..until I went out with my friends from work on saturday and got pissed!!
I haven't been out for well over a year and I probably wont go out again until next Christmas.
If you don't want to drink then don't, alot of people think that thry have to drink to have a good time but that's not always true.

I think I want to be you!!(joke) You sounds lovely, I also want to be fresh and healthy instead of drunk and bloated, you need a few new friends.

I think it would be a good idea to look for people who enjoy the same hobbies that you do. I'm sure if they were into sporty things they would be less likely to want to go out drinking to excess.

Not sure, some of my friends just seem to drink more because of the stress of looking after children.

Some take it as a judgement on their consumption if you don't drink.
So :
I drive
I lie, I say I've drunk during the week so I'm taking it easy.
I lie and say that I'm not drinking in January/Lent/Run up to Xmas.

They don't check my recycling bin and if I've I choose to have a glass I'm not seen as a Goody-Goody Two Shoes.

I think what made me grow out of it was having DS. Now that I never have a lie-in getting "wasted" is just not worth the pain of looking after a toddler with a hangover! To be fair I wasn't exactly a partygoer before DS arrived either - from about the age of 30 I've found hangovers much more painful than they were in my party-going youth. I think back to my university days when I used to drink a full bottle of wine before going out and it makes me shudder. A couple glasses now and I'm happily merry! YANBU OP!

some people don't grow out of it OP - your friends might, but lots don't!

even with young children some people still prefer to have a few too many glasses of wine on a friday evening than be up for going out and having fresh faced fun on saturday morning!

There are lots of more interesting people about who don't turn every small occassion into an excuse to drink too much out there, people who don't do cat bum face if they come round your house in the early afternoon and get offered tea or coffee rather than wine! And who you can go out with for a meal and have a proper chat with rather than listening to a wine/cocktail induced monologue!

• its not correlated to age that much though in my experience, some of my younger friends are more likely to want to do interesting non getting pissed activities than friends in their 40s or 50s

you might be waiting a long time if you wait for these particular friends to out grow it! I find some people just switch from getting pissed in clubs to getting pissed at home over a naice lunch IYKWIM, its just as boring!

I hear you OP. I have this with work colleagues. They're routinely out twice a week (including married with 3 DCs boss), always getting hammered and then are useless the next day (which is GREAT if you're having to help cover their work - NOT).

When I was younger I did, but then I was younger, had less responsibility and could ping back the next morning, no problem. I don't see the attraction any more, and I also don't get how on earth they can afford it (I sound like so much fun!)

To be honest I'm over it too. It's fun at the time but for the next few days I feel like shit and my mood is quite low. Also feel guilty as it makes me have less energy to do stuff with DD and it's not her fault mum went out and had one too many. I'm going to make a real change next year and try to get more into exercise and being healthy. I'm not very good with the willpower bit and as I don't go out much, when I do am quite easily talked into having one more and then one more and after that noone has to talk me into anything - I'm in party mode and then annoyed with myself the next day.

I've grown out of it too. I probably get drunk twice a year, 3 times maximum. And I probably drink alcohol 6-7 times a year. I have my work Christmas do on Friday, am planning lots of soft drinks as I really don't want to be hungover the next day. I have too much to do.

I also have friends coming round one night. It will be just a couple of drinks, nice food and Christmas songs.

I have my work Christmas do on Friday, am planning lots of soft drinks as I really don't want to be hungover the next day. I wish I could be like you! I think I have that gene where I don't know when to stop/be sensible even with the best laid plans!

I don't know if I will stick to it Kelly but I'm going to try. If I drink too much I go too far and think sod the hangover so the trick is to not go too far. I will probably end up with a hangover and send my husband out for mcdonalds chips the next day - I only ever want mcdonalds when I'm hungover!

Same here. I'm in a group of women who all had babies within the last year and every special occasion seems to be a night out drinking. I've never joined them so far and do worry that it makes me an outsider.
I so don't see the point of wasting time and money on getting drunk. Never mind the hell of having to look after a baby the next day when you're hung over. And the number of days it would take to get over said hung over when you are already sleep deprived....
It's just silly. I'd much rather go out for a meal, to the cinema, to cafe, be more continental.

YANBU.

Since I had kids I just can't waste a day lying around hungover. It makes life too hard. I also find it so boring to go out and drink moderately and then try and have a conversation with someone who's off their face.

It's expensive, it wastes a whole day getting over it and the hangovers are totally hellish these days.

I'm no prude, I've certainly had my Oliver Reed years, but I'd MUCH rather a good conversation over a nice meal with just a glass or two to wash it all down.

Preferably wearing comfy shoes with a Rennie in my handbag. Bliss.

YANBU - I used to hate at work how their idea of rewarding people was to whisk you away to a destination far away from home and give you enough booze to give you liver failure oh and spend the evening with a room full of leary drunken men.

I refuse to go to anything now at a pub unless I know I can get a seat and can hear over the music.

God I'm ancient.

Yanbu.

I hate it too. I've never really enjoyed the taste or effects of drink, its just not my thing. DH, on the other hand, enjoys socially drinking and thinks i'm an old bore because when we (rarely) go out I don't want to go drinking.. I've never understood why people think its the only thing there is to do, its a bit sad really.

DH has work xmas party on wednesday and I said why can't you all have a nice meal or something, why does it have to entail getting wasted? He lauged Just don't get it..

I totally agree Santa. What is the point of making yourself ill in a noisy pub that's so loud you can't talk to anyone anyway? I just don't see the fun in that at all.

I was moaning to dp about this recently, we aren't big drinkers and sadly in our town you have a choice of eating out / pub or cinema. That's it. There's bugger all if you don't drink. We do go walking / cycling together but would like some variety !!