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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to question why all social events have to involve drinking / getting drunk and to feel like I have grown out of it?

79 replies

Misspearshaped · 10/12/2012 13:34

Every time there is a birthday, hen do, wedding, Christmas party etc amongst my friends / colleagues all people seem to want to do is drink and get drunk.

I am not a big drinker. I will have a couple of drinks but I'm not really into the whole "let's get really wasted" thing. I was when I was at uni, but that was 10 years ago and now I have hit 30 I have better ways to spend my time and money. I feel like I have totally grown out of wanting to get pissed.

I am very good at standing up for myself and not having my arm twisted into drinking more than I want to, but I am fed up with constantly being made to feel 'boring' because I don't want to get drunk.

One of the reasons I don't drink to excess is that I have hobbies and interests (mainly sport) so I like to feel fresh at the weekend to enjoy my hobbies and not slob around with a hangover all day. I also like to save my money for holidays or nice things for my house rather than spend all my wages on tequila slammers. I also have quite a high-stress job with a lot of responsibility so I can't afford to be hungover on weekdays either. Plus I can't be bothered with drinking too much and making a fool of myself (it's ok when you are 21 but a bit cringe when you are 30 I think) and I care about my health as well.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 11/12/2012 00:42

Darkesteyes not to me, it just sounds intelligent that you don't do something that makes you feel low and weepy just because everyone else does it! People who are big drinkers often only remember the 'up' bits and conveniently forget the phases of drunkenness where you really don't feel good.

DoIgetastickerforthat · 11/12/2012 00:44

YANBU - My husband is Muslim and the best parties I have ever been to have been his family get together's and our wedding for the very reason that there was no alcohol. Alcohol is, more often than not, a barrier to fun and once it's out of the equation you just have to get on and have a good time. All the 'dry' parties I have been to, everybody is up on the dancefloor, laughing and letting their hair down from the off. None of this, sitting around waiting till your wankered enough to let your inhibitions go, which takes the vast majority of the night and your left with, at best, an hour of larking about. Waste of time, money and your good health. I still have the odd glass, now and then though cos that woosy, floaty feeling is nice

Original poster

Misspearshaped · 11/12/2012 08:52

Softkittywarmkitty you sound just like me!

OP posts:

eslteacher · 11/12/2012 09:50

Move to France! All social events here involve eating and then eating some more. Alcohol is secondary.

samandi · 11/12/2012 09:56

Of course YANBU. I like my drink but I hate the mentality of "let's get wasted". Hangovers are crap and take away time from productive and enjoyable stuff you could do at the weekend. Etc etc

I don't think it's abnormal for people to feel that way when they get older, ands your friends sound pretty immature if they're the same age as you.

CoteDAzur · 11/12/2012 10:12

river - That depends on where in France you are, I suppose. Here in the South, there is wine with every meal you eat out, especially in the summer when the rosé comes out even with a pizza on the beach. It's great

Having said that, the drinking culture is of course very different than in the UK - it's about the taste and the pleasure, and most people stop at 1 or at most 2 glasses of wine (French fill the glass to only about 1/3, by the way).

busyboysmum · 11/12/2012 11:02

YANBU, my trick is to drink "rum and coke" all evening, not wine - no-one ever knows when I secretly slip onto just coke which is fairly early on. I don't mind chatting with drunken people but I do tend to leave first as need my sleep at my advanced age! I love dressing up and going out but find the best bit the first three hours or so, say 9-12pm, all goes downhill after that and unless there is dancing I make my excuses and toddle off.

feelingemotional · 11/12/2012 11:09

YANBU

I've never been a drinker and when I was younger I was always getting pressure to "just have a drink" from friends. I used to order sparkling water with ice and slice so it looked like I was drinking a G&T to stop people going on at me

These days I like a good red wine but I still only have the odd one now and again. Reminds me of one christmas when I got stopped by the police doing spot checks. He asked me when I had last had a drink, I said err I think it was on my birthday, he said when was that? I said in June hahaha I am sure he didn't believe me :)

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2012 11:11

This thread is so square that it's like being trapped inside a giant Rubik's cube.

eslteacher · 11/12/2012 11:16

Cote d'Azur - I agree there is generally alcohol at most meals/events, but I think it is secondary to the food, and IME no one bats an eye if you abstain or just have one glass. In living in Paris for three years I have rarely witnessed that 'oh go on, have a little drink! Have one more!' culture that I definitely experienced more in the UK. And in my generation mid-late 20s/early 30s) there is definitely less of this 'getting drunk' as an integral part of a night out. Though that's based on subjective experience of course.

That said I love wine and I think I still generally drink more than most of my French friends despite their tempering influence!

milkymocha · 11/12/2012 11:17

YANBU, iam 20 and hate the drinking culture. Shots are for idiots, i do enjoy a Rum & coke occassionally three times a year and am seen as the 'boring' one!
I couldnt care less...

milkymocha · 11/12/2012 11:18

What annoys me more than peopke saying 'go on, have a drink, you know you want to' is people sending virtual wine glasses?!

As if that is the answer to every problem in the world.

buildingmycorestrength · 11/12/2012 11:37

Read a really interesting thing about this the other day. This guy always got called boring if he said ,"I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking" but got lots of admiration and respect when he said "I quit drinking." Maybe present your choice differently?

CoteDAzur · 11/12/2012 11:44

milky - Do you also get angry at people sending each other on here, "as if that is the answer to every in the world"?

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2012 11:47

Wine isn't the answer to every problem in the world?

MadSleighLady · 11/12/2012 11:51

Yes, and those . Huh. Do people not KNOW I have hayfever?

AfterEightMintyy · 11/12/2012 11:53

I am 50 and I do find the people who get drunk every time we go out or have dinner at someone's house to be insufferably tedious. Its just boring to be unable to make head nor tail of what people are saying, or to have to look out for them and make sure they get home safely. Otoh I love a drink and I love a night out where everyone gets a bit merry and silly. Knowing when to stop is a great skill to learn in life - I will try and impress this on my dc.

jinglebellyalltheway · 11/12/2012 14:34

"Maybe present your choice differently?"
why should you? the people who can't comprehend the concept of fun without alcohol are not worth impressing and presenting yourself differently to!

buildingmycorestrength · 11/12/2012 15:16

jingle...fair enough! but if you get sick of the same reaction, change it up, that's all. these little tricks can help us with peer pressure if we find it hard to deal with. that isn't weak, just human.

CoteDAzur · 11/12/2012 16:18

"people who can't comprehend the concept of fun without alcohol "

I don't think that's it.

We can have fun without food, but it's pleasant to eat with friends so we go out for dinner together.

We can have fun without tea or coffee, but it's pleasant to have one with friends so we offer them to our guests.

You can see where I'm going with this

I'm a bit baffled that most people on this thread seem to consider only complete abstinence or shame-faced all-out drunkenness. Is it a cultural thing?

specialsubject · 11/12/2012 16:25

apparently it is only the UK, NZ and Australia where 'getting really drunk' is something to aspire to. Everywhere else it is something to be ashamed of. (excuse the misplaced prepositions...)

there is a perfectly reasonable middle ground. Grown ups can enjoy a drink or several as part of an outing, not as the main purpose. Anyone who can only have fun when drunk has no life or personality.

I don't drink because I don't like the stuff. I have plenty of fun, thank you - with friends and family who do drink, but can hold it and know when to stop.

and no, I don't 'have a problem' with alcohol. I just don't like the taste.

MadSleighLady · 11/12/2012 16:26

Yes, I thought this was an interesting topic but there seems to be quite a lot of judginess/extreme thinking about.

I can understand how annoying it must be to feel constantly pressured about drinking, but I think if you let that get to you to the point where you mind about the emoticon or reckon nobody should drink anything ever if they want to have proper, approved fun, you're being a bit of a hypocrite about yours and other people's choices.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly · 11/12/2012 16:37

I'm a bit baffled that most people on this thread seem to consider only complete abstinence or shame-faced all-out drunkenness. Is it a cultural thing? To be fair the OP was talking about the pressure to get really pissed not about drinking in moderation which is probably why the thread has some of the comments on that it does.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 11/12/2012 17:16

I think the general point of the thread is questioning why people finding getting hammered a recreational activity when, as you get older, you can think of many other things to do which don't leave you feeling ill, sick, embarrassed or skint the next day.

I like a few glasses of wine but I don't like being drunk or having to recover from it. I don't see a problem with people doing this though = and saying have a , it's just another way of saying put your feet up, or give yourself a break. It's overthinking to interpret it as " life is no fun without booze"

XiCi · 11/12/2012 17:27

The occassions you mention OP - weddings, birthdays, hen do, xmas parties - are usually one off occasions where people like to have a drink and let their hair down. Sometimes if you have young kids tese occasions are the only chance you have to get out and socialise. Why not relax and have a few drinks? What do you expect people to do at a hen do or xmas party??
Agree with cote that its very puzzling that those people who don't drink think everyone who does gets roaring drunk, rolling round in the gutter, throwing up etc etc.
It is possible to enjoy a few drinks out with friends without acting like a fuckwit

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