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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my employer if I can keep my maternity pay

49 replies

arwen110578 · 09/12/2012 23:56

despite not being able to return to work for the three months I was meant to in order to keep my enhanced maternity pay which I have already received.

A very long story, but in a nutshell can't return to current job as childcare for 2 DC's under 3 cancels out my salary. I can't do my job in fewer hours. So gave my notice and I am looking for weekend work.

I now can't complete the 3 months notice period due to an unexpected issue arising with the childminder and I have been unable to find a replacement in enough time for the start of my return to work in January. We have no parents or family members who can help.

I have informed my employer about this sudden change of circumstances and they have been very understanding.

I will owe them approx £1800 for my enhanced maternity package but I want to write a letter asking them nicely if they would consider waiving that due to the unexpected circumstances with the childcare.

DH thinks I shouldn't ask them as it's not their problem and that I have essentially drafted a begging letter. I know it is not their problem, but they are good and fair employers who try to help people and my boss knows that we are going to be in a very difficult financial situation for some time until the girls start school and I can look for a full time job in the week. They are also saving money now I am leaving as they have decided to re-structure my position and advertise at a lower pay rate!

I think if you don't ask you don't get and if they say no which they probably will then so be it.

AIBU??!! and a bit of a shameless begger

OP posts:

CoolaYuleA · 10/12/2012 00:03

It doesn't hurt to ask.

WorraLorraTurkey · 10/12/2012 00:04

I'm sorry but I agree with your DH.

Can you try harder to find another CM?

They may be good and fair employers but that's no reason to take the piss.

jade80 · 10/12/2012 00:04

But surely you already knew your childcare fees would cancel out your wage. So why accept the enhanced maternity pay, which depended on you returning for 3 months? It's not really their fault you didn't think it through. But like you say, they are free to say no to you.

Feckthehalls · 10/12/2012 00:04

yes

SundaeGirl · 10/12/2012 00:04

Try. They might suggest meeting in the middle at x amount or you working it off from home.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 00:04

yabu unreasonable to expect them to waive it, but I would imagine you can ask them for an achievable repayment plan..

NatashaBee · 10/12/2012 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casmama · 10/12/2012 00:09

You would be totally unreasonable if you expected your almost previous employer to give you £1800 just because you can't sort out proper child are and they feel a bit Rory for you. HOWEVER, you don't seem to expect it, just hope for it so fuck it, I would go for it. Good luck OP.

Jinsei · 10/12/2012 00:10

They'd probably think you were taking the piss. TBH, I think it's taking the piss a bit to plan to go back for only three months, but fair enough, you were within your rights to do that. If all women did the same, I suspect that enhanced maternity pay would quickly disappear.

If you can afford to burn your bridges with the employer and definitely won't want to go back, then it can't do any harm to ask. I very much doubt they will say yes, though - they'd be stupid to set a precedent, especially given that your circumstances are less than exceptional.

Northernlurker · 10/12/2012 00:12

I can't believe you've the nerve to ask. Why not chuck in a request for additional holiday pay and a really big leaving present too

ThePoppyAndTheIvy · 10/12/2012 00:14

Sounds like a pretty standard arrangement to me. My former employers did allow me to keep my enhanced maternity pay when I had to leave the job after just 2 months back in work, rather than 3 although that was because my father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer & my parents were my childcare (DS1 has SN so a regular after school club/CM was not an option).

You could ask but your circumstances don't sound that incredibly unusual TBH. Sorry to sound harsh, but lots of people are let down by their childcare & just have to sort it out somehow. OK, so you may effectively earn next to nothing for 3 months but isn't that preferable to losing £1800?

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 10/12/2012 00:16

So you never had any intention of going back for more than the three months notice period and now you aren't even going to be able to work that? I think that it would be a bit of a cheek to ask for the money TBH. I cannot see a single reason why they would pay it back and you may gain a reputation as the sort of employee who tries to take their employer for every penny, just not worth it.

Could you defer your return a bit longer till you can find another CM?

Original poster

arwen110578 · 10/12/2012 00:17

Good point Jade..

When we fell pregnant with second DD our toddler was always meant to be cared for by a relative, who had been looking after her when I returned to work first time round.

Unfortunately while I have been on mat leave she has become unexpectedly poorly and although she was possibly going to be better to carry on looking after DD from January, she really isn't 100% and it isn't fair to ask that of her. So the pay was accepted when I genuinly thought I was going back to my original situation.

We also know that a bigger age gap between DD's would have helped, ie, one starts school as I have second but we had difficulties conceiving first DD and fell into the trap of thinking we would have similar problems second time round...

Thanks for the replies

OP posts:

WorraLorraTurkey · 10/12/2012 00:19

Never mind the relative, what about proper childcare?

Icelollycraving · 10/12/2012 00:21

Yabu. You must have known that childcare would cancel out your wages before now? You could ask for some time to repay them though & that may open up a conversation if you are v lucky.

Original poster

arwen110578 · 10/12/2012 00:28

Sorry if I didn't include enough info in the original post.

I always meant to go back to my job full time - a relative looked after DD1 but became poorly while I was on mat leave.

I then looked at cost of childcare for the two DDs nd realised it wasn't cost effective for me to return to my job.

I spoke to my employer and am actually very sad to leave my job, and was able to find temporary childcare so that I could honour the 3 month notice period they have as part of thier maternity package.

My temporary childcare to cover my 3 months notice has just let me down in the last week, and I have been unable to find another childminder who can do the pre-school drop-off/collect and days/hours that I need. I am on accrued leave and due to start back 7th Jan.

So not going back to work was never planned, and I am facing unexpected situation with not enough time to rectify it.

But I take all your comments on the chin and won't ask them. I don't want to burn any bridges as they have asked me to get back in touch when my DD1 starts school. I am not trying to take the piss, I just felt that maybe I had mitigating circumstances..

Thanks guys DH is looking very pleased with himself

OP posts:

chrismissymoomoomee · 10/12/2012 00:28

They may be a fair employer but you are no longer their employee are you?

I think that you should write asking them to consider a payment plan, I don't think you should just ask them if you can keep it.

RyleDup · 10/12/2012 00:34

Well I would ask. If you don't ask you don't get. They might say yes, they might say no. For what its worth, I didn't go back after my 1 yr mat leave with dc2, as I wanted to stay home for a bit longer with him. I owed work money, either that or go back for 3 months,, but they decided to waive it so I didn't need to give it back.

DeSelby · 10/12/2012 00:35

Is there anyone that you could speak to informally, rather than sending a letter?

MammaTJ · 10/12/2012 00:42

How about taking some unpaid leave for a while, then returning when you have had time to sort out child care? Would they go for that?

Don't just look at the money paid out in childcare=money earned. You also need to take in to account the extra money you have recieved because you were going to return to work when working out whether it is worthwhile.

Cabrinha · 10/12/2012 00:44

If you don't ask you don't get. As long as asking wouldn't burn bridges that you don't need, then why not?

I don't get why you'd TTC too soon (financially) because you were slow to conceive first time though. It's not like TTC takes a set number of months if you have issues! So starting sooner than you can really afford to isn't a good plan! Still, that can hardly be undone - just confused at the logic of it!

Just another thing to throw in... You may only be earning enough to cover your child care, but should you really leave? You said you like the job and they are good employers. Are there good prospects? Even if your salary adds nothing to the net family budget for a couple of years (and remember, your husband's salary is equally responsible for paying childcare) it may still be worth keeping the job.

Women can put themselves in a very vulnerable position, with work prospects, when they give up a good job for temporary child care reasons.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 10/12/2012 00:45

if they are fair employers this would leave them in teh position of having to let all staff who decided not to come back after mat leave keep their enhanced MP.

RyleDup · 10/12/2012 00:49

Oh, I should have said that I asked for a 2 yr career break in my post. Which is probably why I didn't need to pay it back.

Viviennemary · 10/12/2012 00:53

You can ask. But I don't think they would agree because it might set a precedent for other staff in the future who find themselves in the same position. But if they are reasonable employers they should accept an agreement for a plan for repayment.

Why not ask them for a delay in a return to work say till the beginning of February and that would give you time to sort out some childcare.

Original poster

arwen110578 · 10/12/2012 01:00

Yes Cabrinha hold our hands up, no logic involved at all. What was involved was a night that included a large amount of wine. We should know better at our age

And that is an interesting point about staying in the job to help with career prospects. I did consider that. However, I have gone as far as I can in the role, both experience-wise and financially. I work in a school and the next step up would be my bosses position and she has been in the role for years and not going anywhere and her job is ridiculously stressful with very long hours

Delaying my return to work was also considered but I wanted to be fair to them. They needed me to come back and do the job as they were desperate so I have tried to let them know of my intentions as soon as possible so they can recruit asap.

I definatley won't ask now, as they have been really suppoprtive already and I really really am not someone who wants to or was intentionally trying to take the piss.

I am looking for weekend work atm...

Oh and yes Santa very fair point too

OP posts:

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