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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want my kids without heating or hot water

73 replies

NoNoNoMYDoIt · 09/12/2012 18:05

DCs (6 and 3) due to go to their dad's on weds until Sun. we have shared residence and a court order stipulating contact. His boiler has broken. It has not worked for over a week. He has no heating and no hot water. Hasn't even got an electric shower. His house is huge and detached and in the middle of nowhere. It is freezing at the best of times and DD feels the cold badly. He has said the repair men have no idea how to fix it and he doesn't know what to do to get it fixed now.

AIBU not to want kids to go? He has a couple of electric heaters but TBH they don't do a lot in that massive draughty house. They are at school in the day during the week but there is no way of having a wash or anything. And it will be freezing overnight and all weekend. He won't get it looked at again until nxt weekend because he is at work all week so no chance of it being fixed by the time they go.

I can't stop them from going because of this tho - can I?

OP posts:
usualsocksprezzie · 09/12/2012 18:09

Send them with lots of warm clothes,they will survive,

RedHelenB · 09/12/2012 18:09

No, just send them with plenty of warm clothes. They'll be fine!

Longfufu · 09/12/2012 18:14

I'm sure he could boil some water on the hob or boil the kettle so they could wash...I did that when my boiler broke.

Warm clothes, fleecy pjs, slippers...they will be fine.

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 09/12/2012 18:15

Oh ok. No washing weds to sun is ok too? They have swimming lessons on sat and the showers there don't work so they won't be able to shower at home after that either. Not happy about that. A strip wash in front of the fire would be ok but there is no fire... It is due to get v cold too. Last year the pipes froze (even when the boiler worked as he didn't heat while the kids were with me). That was bad enough so am worried that will happen again too...

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/12/2012 18:15

Are you in a position to offer to go and sit and wait for a repair man sooner?

If it was your house with no heating would you send them to stay with him until it was fixed?

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 09/12/2012 18:17

It's up to him to keep them warm when they are in his care.

Maybe just let him know that if he thinks it's too cold for them you will be OK to have them back early

LessMissAbs · 09/12/2012 18:17

Will be an adventure for them and toughen them up. They'll have a great time!

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 09/12/2012 18:18

I grew up in a house without central heating but it did have open fires. I am less worried about the lack of heating and more bothered about the lack of washing facilities in an icy cold house. DS will be fine but DD is cold blooded.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 09/12/2012 18:18

People can and do live without central heating in this country. That's what warm clothes are for.

laptopdancer · 09/12/2012 18:19

I have hot water and I'd be lucky if DS (8) has a bath each week. Grubby sod.

roses2 · 09/12/2012 18:21

The Victorian's coped fine without hot water and heating. They'll be fine.

usualsocksprezzie · 09/12/2012 18:22

They will be ok without a bath for a few days.

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 09/12/2012 18:23

He won't let me in his house to wait for repair man.

I want to offer them baths here. I know he will refuse. Seems like I ABU anyway. Grin

It is really DD I am worried about. She was complaining about how cold it was when the heating worked. Temp in her bedroom is often around 7 deg in the morning even when he heats (she sleeps in roof space). It is same in DS room but he doesn't feel it

If my heating were broken, I at least have a fire and an electric shower. And a very much smaller house which is not on a windy estuary!

OP posts:
AfterEightMintyy · 09/12/2012 18:24

I wouldn't want it for my children either. Those of us who grew up in non--centrally heated homes at least had fires/baxi boilers and a proper source of hot water, plus electric blankets, hot water bottles, that sort of thing. We were properly equipped for cold houses. I doubt any of us had no hot water at all!

amillionyears · 09/12/2012 18:25

Do they have any health problems such as asthma?

usualsocksprezzie · 09/12/2012 18:26

I never have the heating on overnight.buy her a fleece onesie from primark

usualsocksprezzie · 09/12/2012 18:28

We never even had a bathroom

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 09/12/2012 18:32

I wouldn't be thrilled about it - can they, or would your ex contact you to bring them back if the weather got particularly nasty or your DD was really miserable with it?

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 18:34

I wouldn't be thrilled about it either,but they will be fine.Send them with lots of layers of clothes/pyjamas and a plentiful supply of babywipes.

And just think how cosy a welcome you can give them on Sunday Smile

expatinscotland · 09/12/2012 18:35

'The Victorian's coped fine without hot water and heating. They'll be fine.'

Sure they did, with staggering numbers of children dying young.

YANBU. There's no way I'd go without a bath or shower from Sun. to Wed. or permit my children to except in an emergency.

AfterEightMintyy · 09/12/2012 18:36

Why are you all so keen to send them? They will survive and be fine but won't they be miserable? Op doesn't seem bothered about not getting her "me" time.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 18:37

Unless there are health problems yabu.

what would you do if your boiler broke and you had to wait to get it fixed?

Sirzy · 09/12/2012 18:39

Because there is joint custody and no real reason for them not to go.

AfterEightMintyy · 09/12/2012 18:40

I would have thought there is some room for flexibility.

Original poster
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 09/12/2012 18:41

I never have my heating on overnight. And my house is colder than most. I always have fleece on inside in the winter.

I am more worried about them not being able to wash without both getting v cold

No health issues. DD prone to chest infections and does have a horrid cough at the moment. But we all do.

OP posts: