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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that telling 8-year-olds that Santa isn't real isn't a crime?

87 replies

hb84 · 07/12/2012 21:04

I just read about a primary school teacher in Dorset who is being vilified by parents and heavily criticised by his boss (who I personally think should stick up for him in this case) because he told a class of 8-year-olds that Santa Claus is not real. This was after a child in the class asked, so obviously there was already some doubt among the kids. I just can't understand why people are getting so outraged about it. Should he have lied about it? Why do children need to believe this? Also, do they really need to believe it past 8 years old?
Even as a small child I knew that Father Christmas was my dad. He would excuse himself, go outside and come back a couple of minutes later wearing a Santa hat and glasses (he had a beard already so didn't need to fake it) but I knew it was him. It didn't make Christmas any less special for my sisters or me, and meant that we still love Christmas now, even as adults. I get the same feeling now as I did when I was little, and it's to do with being at home with my family, giving and receiving presents and stuffing my face with delicious food.

OP posts:

GetKnitted · 08/12/2012 07:05

YANBU.

He should be given a medal, we have let the whole santa thing go to far. when did the wholesale deception of our children become the meaniing of christmas spirit? Sorry if any of the readers have also been duped but he is not real.

exoticfruits · 08/12/2012 07:24

He brought me a present only yesterday!

IsaXMASbelleRinging · 08/12/2012 07:29

Y4 children are still quite young, and while some may have worked it out, some will still believe (and be happy to do so).

It is not LYING to deflect the answer.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 08/12/2012 07:45

"How is being told about Santa stretching the imagination? "

Because it invites imaginative questions to which we, the kidders, have to have some equally imaginative answers. How does he get in when we have no chimney? etc. I know someone who, together with his brother, spent his formative years inventing and setting elaborate 'Santa Traps' to catch him in action. Never succeeded....

LadyIsabellasHollyWreath · 08/12/2012 07:56

I think the teacher is a twit.. There are a whole bunch of ways out of that question without saying "no, it's a big fat fib by your mum and dad".

My two (8 and 10) know better than to ask, just as I did at that age. I hope it's a valuable lesson in social fictions (I never learned them but it's worth a shot).

Flisspaps · 08/12/2012 07:58

Of course you never caught him Cogito, he's magical!

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 08/12/2012 08:00

What Chipping said he's a fuckwit!

LondonKitty · 08/12/2012 09:47

Oh there are so many people on this thread who are clearly on the naughty list!!!

He's SO not coming to you guys!

Bah humbug!

forgetmenots · 08/12/2012 10:13

londonkitty

lola88 · 08/12/2012 10:29

YABU a boy in DN class asked if santa was real the teacher asked them to put their hands up if they believed the told them that they could listen for his sleigh bells on christmas eve she didn't lie but kept them happy. I remember my cousin telling me that santa wasn't real and being so upset it took a dramtic performance from my uncle in a santa suit to talk me round (i was 5).

He was just mean he could easily have distracted them like DN's teacher.

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 08/12/2012 10:45

DD's go to a very small village school, age 9 and 7, they still believe, as do their class mates, and no, they're not gullible, they are extremely clever little girls.

I would hate for anyone to tell DD's they believe he isn't real, why do they have to grow up so fast?

manicinsomniac · 08/12/2012 12:21

The teacher was foolish and unwise. He shouldn't be 'villified' but I'm not surprised the parents are cross.

I think age of belief depends on the school and the area. In the school where I teach I think not far off 100% of the Y3s and 4s believe. I don't know for certain as I a Y5 or 6 tutor but, judging from the large number of Y5s who still believe when they get to their first Christmas in my class (around 50-70%) then I assume that almost all the 8 year olds do.

A few of my friends have told me that their 11 or 12 year olds believe or at least half believe. Of course, what children tell their parents might not be what they actually think so maybe they don't.

My daughter is Y5 and definitely believes. I wouldn't be cross if someone told her at this age but last year I would have been.

misterwife · 08/12/2012 12:24

I was never told that Santa Claus isn't real. Kids should work it out for themselves.

Original poster

hb84 · 08/12/2012 22:34

OP here. I'm a teacher of children myself, and I usually test the waters before saying anything "potentially devastating" by asking the kids who Santa is. If they say that he is their dad, or even mum, then I know that I can joke about it. If they say he's a fat man in red who somehow knows what every kid in the world wants, who flies across the sky, climbs down (and somehow back up) their chimney and leaves presents while eating a whole lot of biscuits then I don't say anything that might suggest he's not real. I just don't want to get into any kind of discussion about why their parents have been lying to them their whole lives. If they take it so seriously, surely the people they will feel let down by are their parents. I'm not trying to shit stir, I'm just surprised by the level of outrage over this.

OP posts:

Dominodonkey · 08/12/2012 22:45

"Even as a small child I knew that Father Christmas was my dad. He would excuse himself, go outside and come back a couple of minutes later wearing a Santa hat and glasses (he had a beard already so didn't need to fake it) but I knew it was him."

YABU OP Just because your parents were stupid and didn't understand that actually dressing up and pretending you are Santa doesn't work (you have to talk about Santa arriving over night and nibble biscuits) doesn't mean other children shouldn't enjoy the magic for as long as possible.

I teach secondary and still wouldn't risk implying he wasn't real. I think the teacher was put on the spot and didn't think fast enough to give a good response. He knows now and won't do it again.

IsaXMASbelleRinging · 08/12/2012 22:48

Are so many people really that insecure that they feel 'let down and betrayed' by their parents when they find out Santa isn't real?

I think any adult that feels they must always be absolutely straight and truthful with children is very shortsighted, the stories of tooth fairies, Santa, the Easter Bunny, are what most adults remember about childhood and many happy occasions are based on.

Dominodonkey · 08/12/2012 22:48

"I just don't want to get into any kind of discussion about why their parents have been lying to them their whole lives."

I repeat what I said on a previous thread....

So you tell your children the truth about everything, do you? When they present you with a picture of you with 3 wonky eyes and green skin and ask if it's good you tell them it's crap because you wouldn't want to lie?

And apologies for saying your parents were stupid, misguided would be a better word as they sound very nice.

FredFredGeorge · 08/12/2012 22:55

I'm also surprised by the amount of pride people have in their children still believing at really quite old ages - I guess these are different parents from the ones who always boast about how advanced their kids are - a sort of opposite boast about simple?

But I don't think it's reasonable to expect a teacher to go to great lengths to perpetuate a lie, and I'm even quite happy with the idea of teachers lieing to their pupils - as long as they're caught out by the pupils so they learn their infallibility. Yes he could've said "a great many people believe etc." but if the class of 8 year olds doesn't get that is just evading the question and pin him down on it - then the school and the parents are already failing their education.

SomeTiggyPudding · 08/12/2012 23:05

Parents are upset because it takes some magic away from their children's lives.

80sMum · 08/12/2012 23:06

Surely most self-respecting 8 year olds don't actually 'believe in' Father Christmas, as in actually believe that flying reindeer, elves, magic sleigh etc exist in real life. No, I think rather than 'believing' in the literal sense, they instead enjoy immersing themselves in a magical fantasy world where the impossible becomes possible and wonderful things happen. Adults play along with the illusion, but I'm sure by the age of 8 (probably long before that) most children would know intellectually that FC doesn't exist in the real world, only in the fantasy one.

80sMum · 08/12/2012 23:15

Just read a few more posts on this thread. Someone mentioned secondary school kids still believe in FC. Come on now, that absolutely cannot possibly be true. No way! The kids are having you on!! They probably think it's funny asking questions about whether FC is real and then watch their parents squirm and try to evade answering!!
Trust me, they don't believe! They simply can't! Don't fall for it.

lancaster · 08/12/2012 23:18

Edwin bear and Zavi - can I be in your gang please? Like you I have never had the conversation with my mum that FC is not real even when she has helped my put my children;s presents out on Christmas Eve! I certainly believed wholeheartedly at age 8 and I don' think any doubt occurred for another few years after that. I don't intend to ever tell my children that he isn't real at any age.

threesocksfullofchocs · 08/12/2012 23:20

but he isn't real

SomeTiggyPudding · 08/12/2012 23:24

Santa denier!

(Somebody who denies things. Not the stocking measurement.)

80sMum · 08/12/2012 23:25

But Lancaster, seriously, you didn't really believe in flying reindeer did you?? Not at 10 years old? Your intellect would have made you question the veracity of the FC stuff long before. Wasn't it just the fantasy that you were enjoying?

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