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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu in thinking my parents should want to see their grandchildren in their Xmas play?

55 replies

nvj · 07/12/2012 08:21

So for the first time in 4 years I managed to get extra tkts to my DCs Xmas play today! So I invited my parents... Bloody hell, I thought they would be excited but talk about hassle. First we had the tiniest bit of snow which made them um and ah and y'day I had a text to say they weren't going to come because of the ice on the roads (of which there isn't any now as the rain has melted it!)
In 2 minds to phone/text back and say whaaaaaat? But am losing patience! They show little interest in their grandchildren and everything is such a hassle to them... I just find it hard to believe that they wouldn't want to see their grandchildren in their Xmas performance?? aIBU?? Feeling very sad about the whole thing and girls are really disappointed that they're not coming:-(

OP posts:
whois · 07/12/2012 08:29

Yeah actually you are being a bit U.

Your parents sat through umpteen shit performances you were in and now you want them I sit through your DCs? Can't say I'd fancy it.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 08:29

They show little interest in their grandchildren and everything is such a hassle to them...

^^ this.

You can't make them be interested. And they may have genuine reason to be concerned.

You can change your expectations of them so you don't get disappointed.

Sirzy · 07/12/2012 08:31

I agree with whois!

It's great if they are able to/want to but they shouldn't be forced into it.

Original poster
nvj · 07/12/2012 08:59

Wow ok... Personally I just don't get it... I would love to see my nieces and nephews in their Xmas plays too. Can't fail to see the appeal of watching little kids perform esp at Xmas
Just feel if it was me and my grandchildren I would love to be there!! I just find it very difficult to comprehend so must work harder on lowering my expectations it seems!!

OP posts:
sue52 · 07/12/2012 09:13

Having sat through years of my DD's various school productions, I understand where your parents are coming from. I love my DDs dearly but I endured school plays.

sparkle12mar08 · 07/12/2012 09:19

YABU - lets face it, school plays are as dull as ditchwater, christmas or not. I go to my children's but I wouldn't expect anyone else to come. You already know the gps are disinterested in general, why did you expect this to be any different?

Original poster
nvj · 07/12/2012 09:20

Ever an optimist I guess!!
Disagree re Xmas performances- I'm a teacher and we work so hard on our Xmas plays- they are always fantastic productions! (Even if I do say so myself!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
nvj · 07/12/2012 09:21

We being the children and the teaching staff!

OP posts:
ZebraInHiding · 07/12/2012 09:35

I feel the same as you, but I also understand that some people don't place the same emphasis on it. After all, they are our little darlings, not theirs. I would be sad too but would still go myself and enjoy it. It's their loss!

mam29 · 07/12/2012 09:37

No my mam cant be arse
mil wont leave house
havent asked dad yet.

I have 2 eldests last nativity as shes year 2
middle dds 1st as shes at preschool.

their loss I guess.

TheShriekingHarpy · 07/12/2012 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 07/12/2012 09:48

I would love to see my nieces and nephews in their Xmas plays too

I love my brother and his wife. I love my nephews. I also like them all a ly and enjoy their company. I am interested in their lives.

However, if I were issued and invite to their nativity play I would be hastily declining!

Original poster
nvj · 07/12/2012 09:51

Thank you theshriekingharpy - think I will do this!!

OP posts:
freddiefrog · 07/12/2012 09:58

I feel the same to be honest

My family are very close and my parents would give their right arms to come and see their grandchildren in stuff like this - in fact every year they travel several hundred miles to watch DD1 perform in a big show that all the schools round here do

But, my in laws dont give a shit about anything like this, MiL moans merry hell if she doesn't get invited, yet moans merry hell about the effort involved if she does. I can't win.

DH's family aren't close, they'll go for weeks without ringing each other. In fact, I've lived here for 10 years and MiL is coming to visit for the first time this weekend.

Coming from a family like mine, I found it very strange, but I've accepted it for what it is now. The kids enjoy then when they see them, but we dont get upset anymore, it's just how they are

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:01

I was thrilled when one of my friends asked me if I could go to her son's school play yesterday.

I asked my best friend because I would have loved to have seen her DC in their play too. I see them more like nieces/nephews. Unfortunately they are only doing a carol concert and it's a limit of 2 tickets so unless her DP has to work I can't go.

My Mum, Mum's best friend, Aunty and cousin, DS' godmother, DP's mum and step-dad (not biologically DS' parents and only really known him a year), my own grandparents, my sister and her boyfriend love coming to anything school related . My grandparents aren't keen on driving to unfamiliar places so unless I can pick them up to come to things I don't expect them to come. Everyone else works so again, I don't expect them to come if they can't get there in time after work. My sister and her boyfriend and DP's mum and step-dad are all teachers so they will usually come to an evening event if their own school events don't clash.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 10:01

I agree with you, but I see where they are coming from.

On the bright side, if they are filming the production, you have your Christmas presents sorted! Grin

littleducks · 07/12/2012 10:09

The Xmas plays are so boring. I quite liked the nursey ones, they were kept short and the kids were very cute. I have sat through two primary school ones and wish I never had to go again, but unfortunatley ours is next week. The music teacher is very enthusiastic and thinks they are fab (a bit like you OP!). My kids hate practcing the songs and miss doing PE and guded reading, which normally they arent all that keen on Hmm

Prolificmincepiebreeder · 07/12/2012 10:09

I'm with you OP I'd feel the same. Such a shame.

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:15

Maybe I feel different, as my DS is still in the infants? Not had to sit through a junior school play yet. The secondary ones I have been to have been fantastic.

blisterpack · 07/12/2012 10:15

It's nice that you like watching it and find it a treat. Personally I only go so as not to disappoint my children, they are excruciatingly painful to sit through. I don't blame your parents. I must remember to tell mine never to get me tickets for their children's performances (some way for that yet!).

iseetinselandtantrums · 07/12/2012 10:19

My parents are v interested in DS (have him overnight etc) but would poke themselves in the eye rather than come to a primary school nativity.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 07/12/2012 10:20

YANBU to feel sad about it OP. I don't understand grandparents like that either. But you do need to completely change your expectation of them as mentioned above, otherwise you will go through life annoyed with them. You can not change other people and make them act how you would want them to. You can only change yourself. Enjoy your DC Xmas play - enjoy that moment for what it is and don't sit there thinking "my parents are missing out" and feeling resentful.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 07/12/2012 10:21

To be fair to the OP, the nativity is just an extension of:
They show little interest in their grandchildren and everything is such a hassle to them

BlueberryHill · 07/12/2012 10:22

YANBU to feel upset, you cannot make them do it. My parents are going to see DS in one play and then babysitting so that DH and I can go to the after school one. I don't think that they are going because it will be a thrilling performance but they are going to make DS feel happy. That for me is the important thing, sorry that your parents aren't taking an interest. I never tell DS that anyone is visting / coming to see them etc until the day, it cuts down the disappointment if for some reason they cannot make it.

CarlingBlackMabel · 07/12/2012 10:23

I can understand anxiety about travel in icy conditions.

Are they generally lacking in interest over your DC, or just school plays?

YABU if it is just the play.