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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu in thinking my parents should want to see their grandchildren in their Xmas play?

55 replies

nvj · 07/12/2012 08:21

So for the first time in 4 years I managed to get extra tkts to my DCs Xmas play today! So I invited my parents... Bloody hell, I thought they would be excited but talk about hassle. First we had the tiniest bit of snow which made them um and ah and y'day I had a text to say they weren't going to come because of the ice on the roads (of which there isn't any now as the rain has melted it!)
In 2 minds to phone/text back and say whaaaaaat? But am losing patience! They show little interest in their grandchildren and everything is such a hassle to them... I just find it hard to believe that they wouldn't want to see their grandchildren in their Xmas performance?? aIBU?? Feeling very sad about the whole thing and girls are really disappointed that they're not coming:-(

OP posts:

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 10:24

School plays are a bit like Marmite.

Personally I love them and one of the 'perks' of being a school governor is that I can pop in and see as many as I like even if I don't know the kids in the class

But equally there are people who find them dull and just can't stand them. I wouldn't expect them to sit through one...especially since they've 'done those years' and probably thought it was all behind them.

If I knew your child OP, I'd jump at the chance to come along

wonderingsoul · 07/12/2012 10:26

ds1 school are doing a school perfamnce at a proper theater. i am well excited and so are my parents. they wouldnt miss it for the world.

i dont think ybun they may have sat throughtheir childrens hating it but i also think they need to sit through their grandchildrens hating it. its not like your asking them to babysit. they shoudl want to go and make them happy and see their hard work.

ds1 first school one and only school play was very boring, but still enjoyed watching him do his bit, his new school.. wel their plays are very funny and great, i was invited to a friends childs play and loved it, that said we are very close nit of friends and treat each others children like we would out own.

Janeatthebarre · 07/12/2012 10:31

I really wouldn't expect GPs to go to a nativity play unless they lived close by.

My nephew (5 at the time) asked my mum to go and see him playing Joseph in the school play a couple of years ago. She was all prepared to get on a bus and travel to the other side of the city to see him. My brother very reasonably rang her to let her know that the play was at 10am in the morning and would only last a few minutes and there was no way they expected her to undertake a journey like that. My mother was relieved they'd let her know the details and stayed at home.

Original poster

nvj · 07/12/2012 10:34

Thanks for your comments... Just disappointed i suppose that they don't seem to understand that the girls would have loved to have them there watching. Ironic that I've now given the tkts away on Facebook to other mums whose mums (so grandmothers) are desperate to go!!
They only live 30 mins away and the roads are not bad at all today... It was just an excuse.
Ah well... Am just not going to bother in future, you're right, they're the ones who are missing out ultimately.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 07/12/2012 10:40

My grandparents live 11.5 miles away from DS' school and they are unfamiliar with the area. It takes about 30 minutes to get there in the car.

I actually think that is quite a distance and is why I don't expect them to come unless they can get a lift, even though they drive.

Mumsyblouse · 07/12/2012 10:51

I don't know why some people are focusing on how interesting the play should be before they'll turn out, that's what being in a family is all about, turning up and out for stuff like their nativity, a football match, or if the adults are in a show/event, going to that. It's once a year. Op, YANBU but unfortunately this fits with their usual disinterested stance, it is a shame.

mrsshackleton · 07/12/2012 11:02

Yabu, little children's plays are boring to many people.

HerRancidSow · 07/12/2012 11:23

I, like many parents, don't go to the school plays for the entertainment value. I go to support my child, and to show them that I care about what they are doing.

And as anyone who goes to a school play knows, the excitement on the children's faces when they spot their parents in the audience is obvious.

So ba humbug to those of you who completely miss the point of going along!

BookieMonster · 07/12/2012 11:29

YABU. I adore my DC and go to all their performances but these things are boring as batshit.

mrsshackleton · 07/12/2012 11:32

Yes, but it's one thing for parents to sit through these yawnfests

shows, and another for grandparents, who are older, more tired, have paid their dues to do so.

poozlepants · 07/12/2012 11:36

Of course YANBU. If they only live 30 mins away they should go for the kids sake. I have IL's who are the same- it is their loss but it makes me angry they are so rubbish.

wonderingsoul · 07/12/2012 11:40

i dont get this theve done thier time crap.

imo when you have children, theres a big chance that your have grandchildren, and that involves doing crap that you may not like all that much with them to. long as your not asking the gp to raise your children, dont take the piss when to comes to babysitting etc then i do think gp have a responsabilty to show intrest and make their gc feel loved, just like they did with their children.

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud · 07/12/2012 11:43

YANBU, however (as this thread shows) not everyone gets the same joy from school plays.

I love them, really do - I enjoy how much effort the children put in and how proud they are to see you in the audience.

My mum and dad have tickets for DD's Junior Christmas production (in which she has the lead role not even a stealth boast, it is a HUGE boast ) and they are thrilled.

I used to work full time, leave the house at 8am, home by 6pm - I never got to see any productions/shows/nativities and it did upset me (and DD who would always ask for me to be there but work just wouldn't allow it ). So, now I work p/t and can get to school to see all the shows, I wholeheartedly embrace it.

Try not to be upset OP, it is more important that you are there and enjoying it than GPs are there under sufferance

SantasLittleHo · 07/12/2012 11:45

I wish our school did tickets. Every year the little hall is packed to the rafters. It'd stop the loons going to both performances.

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud · 07/12/2012 11:48

my DD's school does tickets - one afternoon and one evening. Problem being the afternoon showing is half full and the evening show could be sold 4 times over.

I would say they should do 2 evening performances but I fear I may get hunted down by over-worked teachers with pitch forks

silvercup · 07/12/2012 11:48

YABU if you're just annoyed about the play. My parents love DD dearly and they dote on her, but I wouldn't expect them to sit through a school play - that the parents' job, not the granparents'.

If it's indicative of a wider issue though, then that's something else I guess.

misterwife · 07/12/2012 12:37

Heresy on this thread! School plays are great! To the OP - it sounds like this is not an isolated incident, so I can't say whether you're being unreasonable or not without hearing context.

quickdowntonson · 07/12/2012 12:51

YANBU. It is very upsetting when this happens, it feels like a rejection. Perhaps you should make sure you don't tell the children that grandparents are coming, so they won't feel disappointed if they don't turn up. This has happened to us several times. My mother failed to turn up to a family birthday party for my 12 year old DD, and when she finally showed up (after a curt phone call!) she was sulky and kept going on about her hard day at work. Really annoying for me, and upsetting for DD.

SugarplumMary · 07/12/2012 12:52

My DC school keep it all fun and peppy and about the right length.

However my parents don't want to know - the DC themselves have asked them this year - not my idea as they've shown no interested prior years.

Fair enough I try and think I?m sure they came to mine and it a parnets job but they went to DN last year and are going to DN this year and keep telling us this.

On other hand MIL is guttered she can?t travel 100 miles to see them as she has to work.

Step back - try not to dwell.

Original poster

nvj · 07/12/2012 12:54

no it's not just the school play.. it's how rubbish they are in general with all their grandchildren (4 of them, 2 being mine). they are disinterested and selfish imo and always told me when i was younger that if they started acting like their parents then I should tell them. I have tried but maybe it is a natural thing as you get older you get more selfish and stuck in your ways.

just upsets me when i see how involved and interested other grandparents seem to be in their children's lives. My brothers tell them off and have a dig at them about it but they never change. I don't like confrontation or bad feelings so have never said much about their lack of interest (apart from last Christmas when they were going to stay home alone instead of coming to us).
it is their last nativity as they are year 3 now and so that is for their Christmas performances after today. I appreciate that some people may not enjoy them but like some of the other posters say, it's not about that. It's the joy on the children's faces when they see their family (parents, grandparents, whatever) in the audience and how thrilled they are that someone has come to see them perform!
they are both retired and have plenty of spare time. they never babysit for us or ever offer to have the children at all. MIL is just as bad (in fact worse- she once told my children that she doesn't even like children!!) so I guess I just feel sad for the children not having a special relationship with their grandparents.
My nan (their great grandmother) though, is a star and has a great relationship with the girls and really wanted to come today but unfortunately she has a very bad back at the moment (well she is 85)

looking forward to it anyway but will be sad as is their last nativity :-(

OP posts:

DuelingFanjHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 12:54

I think you need to lower your expectations and also get to grips with the fact that in the future there may not be invites forthcoming to see your own grandchildren perform so you may end up being disappointed.

Original poster

nvj · 07/12/2012 12:57

not sure what you mean? if i can't see my grandchildren perform then so be it but if i had the opportunity then i would take it (at least, that's how I feel right now!!)

OP posts:

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 07/12/2012 13:00

YANBU to be upset, I would be upset too. But you reap what you sow, so in the end, they will be the ones that lose out. Just enjoy your children, sod the uninterested GPs

Viviennemary · 07/12/2012 13:04

YABU. But I can see your point a little bit. They don't want to go out in the freezing cold with what they think will be hazardous driving conditions. To sit around in a school hall watching a bunch of kids peforming. I and most parents sit through those mostly torturous peformances out out of duty to our children. I never ever want to hear another recorder again. Even the thought of them makes me have a migraine. Sorry to be a humbug.

lancaster · 07/12/2012 13:11

YANBU. My mum is making a 4 hour journey twice in 2 weeks to see my childrens nativity plays, and my ILS who live nearer come to everything. I'm sure none of them see it as a chore.

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