Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

It isn't Mrs Bucket fgs!

It's called standards.

You know wanting to keep your house clean and nice.

Btw Koreans always make sure they have spare (and clean) slippers for guests, you may feel like an idiot but that's their tradition. And they really do make you feel like a guest and at home. So, I don't see why people would have a problem with removing their shoes.

I think it's a sign of respect and good manners - I don't always insist unless it's children because you never know what they've stepped in! :-) but I like it when the children just come in and take their shows off themselves without being asked to - I think it shows that they are being brought up right. I was always taught to take off my shoes at home and at other peoples' homes. People who are offenced by such a simple request really need to think about why they are so offended - it's only shoes and isn't going to hurt them to do it but you may have very valid reasons for asking. My mum goes spare if we wear shoes in her kitchen because it makes marks on the floor that won't come out/repair - It's not lino - don't know what you'd call it but I certainly wouldn't have choosen it since it seems so delicate! Your SIL is just alittle unhinged tbh to have reacted the way that she did and then to go tattle on you to MIL.

Woah, who was it that said they wouldn't visit someone with a shoes off rule? Seriously? That's not very live and let live! Bizarre overreaction, their house, their rules!

i have to say in my last house it had wooden floors in the hall and living room and it was completely destroyed (not by me, previous tenants) with scratches and those round stilletto marks all over it. i would be gutted if i'd paid to have a solid wood floor put down only for it to end up like that. i think if it was in my house now i would insist on shoes of, heels anyway.

Op get one of those boot scraper things that has the bristles on it for outside your door, that should take the most of the muck and leaves off shoes then a wipe on the outdoor mat and dry them off on the inside mat should have them pretty dirt free.

Hmm. Don't believe that usual I just think you kick against this type of thread for some reason.

There is nothing wrong in asking someone to take shoes off in your house.

I tell ya what it's carpets that are grim. The way they keep all the dirt on them. Yuk!

Why exactly usual wouldn't you take your shoes off?

And it's got sod all to do with being precious.

for those not to keen about asking people to take their shoes off, get a small shoe rack for beside the door and put the family shoes on it. if i saw that i'd definitely be in no doubt about whether to take them off or not and wouldn't be offended at all.

for those not wanting to have their feet out, couldn't you just wear socks?

what's wrong with odd socks? i wear odd socks all the time, none of my friends think any less of me for it.

This has become funny :)

Standards are not set down anywhere so to invoke them is pretty meaningless. Our traditional 'betters' would be appalled by shoes-off, it would be miserable too in their draughty cold piles. Their standards would once have been 'the' ones.

Now it can come down to courtesy; of the host for his/her guest and of the guest to be a gracious visitor.

In real life this can't really be a major issue, can it? Most people seem to share the view on this with most of their own circle.

YANBU. I think you quite quickly get to know those who expect shoes off and those who don't, as she is your SIL, she should have realised it annoyed you.

I excuse those who seldom come to our house, or elderly people but really anyone I know well, knows to ask whether they should. Often I say, don't bother, floor is dirty anyway, but sometimes, when it is really muddy outside, dogs everywhere on pavement, I feel very relieved to be able to admit, yes please take them off, or at the least check your shoes.

I think it does make a difference if you have small children or any children really, playing on the floor regularily, or in our case a newish staircarpet to get to the loo.

But at parties, obviously no-one takes their shoes off. Sigh.

See I think it's rude to go into someone's home with wet or dirty shoes and trampling all over their carpets.

That's rude..

Your SIL sounds utterly bonkers.

I have a shoe rack, it's not some secret subliminal messaging device there to drop hints about whether or not guests should remove their shoes, it's a place to put shoes on.

I have a shoe rack but it's buried in shoes so no one else can use it, anyway. I really need a bigger one for our new house. Or one of those fantastic shoe cupboards DH's family and friends in Germany all seem to have. :)

Yanbu. I don't ask people to take their shoes off but we have no shoes in our house and most people do take them off as they see us with no shoes on. Tbh I think it a little weird now keeping them on and most often take my shoes off in other people's houses.