Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

Maybe some people feel a bit vulnerable in just their socks, like they're naked? That can be the only reason why some people might be offended by it. But it's more inviting and homely not to have to wear a pair of shoes in someone's house surely? If it were standard practice like it is in much of Europe, Asia etc people wouldn't think twice about removing their shoes. Pavements and roads are dirty let's face it. I wouldn't want to lick a pavement or shoes.

I agree with usual.

my parent's wouldn't take their shoes off in my house even if i asked. they would laugh at me and tell me to catch myself on. they wear shoes in their own house and my dad is the sort who puts his shoes on before leaving his room in the morning. once he's dressed, he's dressed IYSWIM.

nope, not my parent's. my parents.

YANBU. Perfectly usual amongst my friends and family to take shoes off indoors.

Does your SIL normally react like that to people doing things differently to her? Sounds very tiring!

It's just good manners at the end of the day.

Nobody wants a dirty carpet. Surely?

How on earth is asking someone to take their shoes off rude? Especially family? If I walk into someone's house one of the first things out my mouth is "shall I take my shoes off?"

People take off theirs at mine too (except "official" type people, eg man who came to give us quote for some flooring). My SIL and I both take them off in each others house too. I do allow shoes on downstairs though (3 story house) as its just kitchen loo and hall and they are wooden floor. Anywhere carpeted though, no! And the same rule applies to DH and I.

YANBU

Drives me nuts whenever my mum is over though as she never does

Yanbu. In Norway I've never been anywhere where you're allowed to keep shoes on (except strictly indoor party-ish ones). It is unheard of not to automatically take them off at the door.

Tbh I can't remember ever keeping shoes on in England either..

I think it's rude to ask people to take their shoes off, but she definitely over reacted. We generally don't wear shoes in the house ourselves - though I do sometimes - but I wouldn't dream of asking guests to remove theirs. I tend to take my shoes off in other people's houses as that's what feels natural to me, but would be a bit if someone actually demanded that I did.

Those of you who wear shoes indoors - don't you find it rather uncomfortable and formal? I can't wait to kick my shoes off when I get home. I wear slippers because they are so warm and comfortable. Absolutely everyone I know - family and friends wears slippers indoors in their own houses.

I love this old chestnut.

I'm in my thirties but grew up in a shoes off household which was reinforced as lots of our neighbours were scandinavian (this was in the UK).

My own home (hardwood flooring, also in the UK) is also shoes off. I don't ask but in my experience most people of my age or younger will take their shoes off when they notice the pile by the door.

The older generation don't.

I hosted a family party at the weekend. I was amazed at the difference in my floors after 10 adults with shoes had traipsed through the house compared to my usual after party state (which is normally considerably more adults and a whole heap of kids). The floor was bloody filthy in comparison and I'm almost tempted (but can't quite bring myself) to enforce a shoes off rule the next time. I can just imagine my Grannny choking into her teeth at the prospect!

Oooh a shoe thread YADNBU! Shoes should be for outside where all the mud and bird shit and dog shit is.

No one should have to ask you to take off your shoes - its should be automatic and its bad manners not to take it upon yourself to do it. I realize that this is not the cultural norm everywhere....but where I am from it is bad manners indeed to wear your DISGUSTING outdoor shoes in someones home.

Disgusting = thank you for bringing a little piece of every toilet stall you've walked in, a trace of every spit ball you've trampled over etc etc into my home - especially where there is carpet involved.

YADNBU to ask and I encourage everyone to do so.

I don't like people wearing shoes in the house, though that's partly because we all like sitting/lying on the floor which you can't really do if people have tramped outdoor shoes over it. The only people I ask to take their shoes off are my family and children though.

lurker I think some older people probably struggle to get their shoes off at the door unless there's a chair. I know my Mum does.

If I'm having a house party I wouldn't ask or expect anyone to take off shoes.

But if someone pops in with muddy shoes I'd be grateful if they took their shoes off. If they didn't I'd stay in the kitchen where it's wooden floors.

Are you telling me you'd rock up in muddy shoes to a friends house?

i'd be over the moon to be told i didn't have to bother with painful heels and just to bring a pair of slippers for a house party. i love my slippers. best frock or not.

If I knew my shoes were muddy, I'd take them off, but if I was coming from the car to the house, I'd like to be treated like an adult and make my own mind up.

And I have never ever been to a party/gathering where people had to remove their shoes.

Am assuming the shoe-removal-insisters never throw parties.

quenelle

Perhaps if I found DH in bed with somebody else

Surely under those circumstances you would hold up score cards then ask the unknown person how they took there tea.