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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

562 replies

BlueVernis · 05/12/2012 11:58

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
squoosh · 06/12/2012 17:07

When I'm in someone else's house I always adhere to any requests with a cheery smile. I may inwardly roll my eye though.

Longfufu · 06/12/2012 17:15

YANBU OP! My house is shoes off as well and I have insisted close family members take their shoes off because they are family and I can joke with them about my OCD lol. But if a friend or unknown person was coming in and didn't take them off, I wouldn't ask them to, I'd just spend the whole time sweating and worrying about it..daft!

autumnlights12 · 06/12/2012 17:20

I'm afraid I have an irrational phobia of overly house proud people. I always take shoes off before I'm asked (whilst rolling my eyes inwardly and thinking 'this house is like a hotel so clearly you have no hobbies.)

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 21:28

Why is it precious not to want mud/dog poo/chewing gum/etc traipsed through your house?

I have never had it traipsed through mine either-I find that people can manage to know it on their shoes and take them off if they have a problem.
I can't see what India has to do with it-it isn't the culture in UK.
I am like autumnlights, definitely a person with very few outside interests! I think-here we go 'Hyacinth Bucket and her hand painted periwinkle teacups-a house to avoid!'

whataboutbob · 06/12/2012 21:36

The streets are dirty, in the UK we tend to have carpets in our homes. To be coarse, there's dogshit on every street corner in my 'hood. how are you going to know if you stepped in it at night? It is not unreasonable to ask guests to remove shoes, and I insist on it. I have guest slippers.

hdoodle · 06/12/2012 21:37

YANBU. In many cultures (including my own), shoes are never worn inside.

usualsuspect3 · 06/12/2012 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovebunny · 06/12/2012 21:53

son in law asked me to take off my shoes because they were muddy and i hadn't noticed. i was fine with that. his asperger's said there shouldn't be mud on shoes in the house. my asperger's said 'shoes? what shoes? oh those? i put them on this morning...'

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/12/2012 21:54

It's not rude really,I know people who prefer you to take off your shoes in their home,so I do.

Your SIL's reaction though...WOW! What an absolute weirdo.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 06/12/2012 22:00

Wow! I can't believe there's 17 pages of shoes on/off inside. Do people really get wound up by it?

If I'm asked to take my shoes off I take them off, if not I'll leave them on or ask. It doesn't bother me either way, and having 5 kids I know people may not want a load of dirty shoes traipsed through the house.

I don't care if people wear shoes in my house, but I usually make my children take them off in the hall to get them used to taking shoes off as the IL's have no shoes rules. They have nice carpets and I completely get why they don't want shoes in there. I don't have nice carpets so I don't care too much.

GobHoblin · 06/12/2012 22:03

All those crying 'But think of the crawling babies...' Do you not let your crawlers free in the park or garden? All sorts of things live & walk there, and its also been walked on by heaven forbid, People in SHOES!

DamnBamboo · 06/12/2012 22:04

It is not rude to make this request. Most people I know do so anyway.

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 22:32

It is not unreasonable to ask guests to remove shoes, and I insist on it. I have guest slippers.

Not unreasonable in your own home-but I would avoid visiting as it is hardly welcoming BUT it is totally unreasonable to have guest slippers-that it dire. I am not going to wear someone else's slippers-even if they have been washed.

Wow! I can't believe there's 17 pages of shoes on/off inside. Do people really get wound up by it?

Yes they do-this thread turns up every couple of months and no one changes their mind. The world is divided into those who welcome guests and those who have them in to admire the carpets!

JingleBellsRawSharkSmells · 06/12/2012 22:34

This thread is beyond my understanding now. Regardless of shoes on or off personally I think it's pretty ill-mannered not to do something someone has asked you to do IN THEIR HOUSE if it causes little inconvenience.

You wouldn't carry on smoking if they asked you not to would you, even though you wouldn't feel "at home"?

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 22:41

I do take them off-unfortunately the place I always have to do have a cold floor to walk across first and I spend 2 hours surreptitiously trying to rub some feeling into my feet.
However I think them very precious and a bit sad. (However I take them off without comment and luckily they have never offered slippers because that is something I won't do)
No one has yet said why they prefer me in bare feet for 6 months of the year instead of sandals.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/12/2012 22:41

I do think it's hilarious when people who own cats/dogs ask people to take off their shoes before going into the house. Xmas Grin

elizaregina · 06/12/2012 22:58

totally agree that shoes pick up dreadful things but the people who insist on shoes off - are they never ill or pick up germs?

also hands actually are probably more germ ridden than the bottoms of shoes - touching handles - loos - change - money....

for those who insist on shoes off for purely hgygeine reasons - i think you should also implement a hand dip at the door too - and maybe even a face mask.

whether you will actually be more germ free than the rest of us though - i dont know - the only people i know who seem to have weak immune systems and odd allergies and dust allegeries are my cleaning obsessed in laws.

IsaXMASbelleRinging · 06/12/2012 23:23

The cat has it's paws wiped as it comes in Grin.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 07/12/2012 00:36

shoes off in our house. I like to keep my floors cleanish if I can

Bunbaker · 07/12/2012 06:31

I must admit I really don't get why people think it is rude to be asked to remove their shoes. Unless there is a physical problem for the wearer or the floors are cold and uncarpeted, surely it is simply more comfortable to kick off your shoes.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2012 07:52

Well now that you know that 50% don't share your view Bunbaker you can stop asking them!

Bumblequeen · 07/12/2012 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

samandi · 07/12/2012 08:07

The cat has it's paws wiped as it comes in

I used to wipe mine when he came in too :-) If it was raining or he was muddy anyway.

samandi · 07/12/2012 08:21

Someone once said on here with no sense of irony whatsoever that they were having a party and their new wooden floor was very expensive and they just couldn't have women in high heels on it as it marked so easily. That was their justification.
It's a FLOOR, FFS. Why choose a surface so precious and delicate and so wholly unsuitable for the job of 'FLOOR' (whose main, indeed ONLY job description is to be walked/stood on, remember) that you have a nervous breakdown every time someone needs to walk across it in shoes

It's fairly common for high heels to mark wooden floors. I used to rent a place with wooden floors that you could see had been trashed by high heels.

Can't believe the preciousness of some people here who can't be parted from their precious ickle shoes ... Hmm They're SHOES, FFS.

FunBagFreddie · 07/12/2012 09:14

I'm just surprised that some people think it's rude. I always assumed that some people take shoes off indoors and some don't. In fact, most people I know don't like people wearing their shoes indoors.