Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

I thinks that it's a bit of a class issue. The people that I know who ask for shoes off do come across as precious and I wonder why they don't have a more suitable flooring if they are worried about people walking on it.

I mean, if you're going to worry about a bit of dirt then why choose cream carpets instead of something easier to keep clean.

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YANBU moved house in may and one of my family proceeded to walk dog crap all up the new stair carpet. I was not bloody happy I can tell you so now they do it automatically or they get the glare from me

"I mean, if you're going to worry about a bit of dirt then why choose cream carpets instead of something easier to keep clean."

I didn't choose any of the downstairs carpets in our house as they were already there when we moved in. I don't ask people to remove shoes BTW, but everyone does because none of my friends wear shoes in their own houses either.

I know someone who has cream/white carpets and has them covered in those clear plastic floor mats that some people put in their cars.

Bonkers times 1000!

Stookie Also, my friend who insists on no shoes policy is more than happy to walk into my house wearing her shoes (probably because I don't apply the same policy) but very hypocritical don't you think?

Not hypocritical at all. You don't care about people wearing outdoor shoes inside your house. I imagine your friend doesn't take her shoes off in your house as she doesn't want her feet to get dirty on your dirty carpet/flooring

That's a bit rude!

Eliza, I didn't say I don't care, I said "I never ask people to remove their shoes in my house. ...I'd rather clean-up afterwards than embarrass/offend my guests."

It is hypocritical; she doesn't want shoes walking on her carpet but is happy to do so in her friends' houses.

And fyi my floors are immaculate, as is the rest of my house. I'm very house proud, but not remotely precious. To reiterate what squoosh said, you're rude.

You can't have immaculately clean carpets when you wear outdoor shoes inside and out. You are kidding yourself.

My dds socks are always filthy when she comes home from my parents who wear their shoes indoors.

I must admit I do tell people to keep their shoes on because my carpets are so revolting :house proud:

Carpets are by their very nature incubators of filth, shoes or no shoes.

Just to widen your perspective a bit, if you visit/live in Eastern Europe and further East, you'd find that it is considered extremely rude and unhygienic to walk your outside dirt inside the house. All houses have a shoe rack outside, where you are expected to leave your shoes, and they provide you with slippers to wear indoors. Having been brought up in the UK, where shoes indoors was normal, I remember being asked by a friend to take my shoes off when I went to visit him (here in the UK) and being offended - mainly because this wasn't the norm and I had holes in my socks!! - but now, having lived east of Eastern Europe for many years, and taking off my shoes to enter everyone's home, I find myself slightly horrified by the British way of traipsing God knows what all over their carpets...

I'm just being honest Stookie. I've been a no outdoor shoes inside since I was an impoverished 20+ year old who finally managed to buy a new carpet for her tiny flat. Everything else in my flat was second hand.

That was 20+ years ago however when I go to visit my parents, I keep my shoes on as I don't want my feet to get dirty. Not being hypocritical either. My mother (who believes she is very fussy and clean) thinks it's "ridiculous" taking shoes off. She has never had her (very expensive) carpets cleaned. They must be minging (although they don't look it)

Funny, I thought all those many, many, many previous references to countries in the Far East or Eastern Europe making the same point had already widened out perspectives (those of us who were very naive or stupid beforehand, of course).

But most people take their shoes off anyway. And I have a Vax carpet cleaner?!

Anyway, come and inspect them if you like :o

I hate the idea that carpets are more important than guests! I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off (unless they were covered in mud) even though I am an OCD clean freak!!!! I just think the comfort of my guests is more important than my flooring. I think it is rude to dictate what people wear as a guest in your house.
However, I think the OPs SIL is over-reacting. Life is too short to get het up about stuff like this.

Why is it precious not to want mud/dog poo/chewing gum/etc traipsed through your house?

You know, the place where you walk around in socks and bare feet. And sit ok the floor. And babies roll around on.

It would have been awful for my mum to have had to keep cleaning up if we'd been shoes on, in and out of the garden, to the park, on the gritty driveway.

People just don't like to hear that their carpets must be minging ha ha

There is clearly back story to the OP - going to get kitchen roll to wipe her SIL's shoes is pretty bonkers and plainly meant as a dig. SIL then rose to the bait. I think there is a history to that relationship and shoes on/off is the excuse not the reason for SIL's rant.

Anyway, I will take shoes off, if asked, but I will think the home owner is a bit of an uptight twat and I am unlikely to visit them a second time. I am lucky enough to have plenty of lovely, cool, fun friends so I don't need to hang out with people that put their floors (floors!) above their guests' comfort.

Ithaka wanna come to my cave and hang out?

Have never had mud/dog poo/chewing gum traipsed though my house.

I like to walk around in my socks as it's more comfy, my guests can do whatever the hell they like.

Oh, and my home sparkles!

There is a world of difference between knowing that you should not wander into the sitting room in your gardening wellies, or let your DCs run through the house in muddy football boots, to asking smartly dressed adults to pad around in their socks and tights when they come to visit. Especially as if it's dinner or drinks or similar, they are probably wearing shoes that go from their house to their car, and straight into your house. It's just has a horrible pettiness about it. I'd rather replace my carpets twice as often than alienate my guests.

Yay mrskeithrichards, I'm always up for a party.

Yes, yes to squoosh and MerryKissMyArse as well - we can party in lovely shoes.

In India, it is mandatory not to wear shoes inside the house. My best man is of South Indian descent and won't let anyone have shoes on in his flat.

Sometimes it is just a cultural thing - nothing 'precious' about it.

Also - their house, their rules. The real 'precious' thing here is the frankly self-centred behaviour of those who expect exceptions to be made for them in other people's homes.