Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

more of a squash than the tube at rush hour, I mean .

i've just remembered that i was at a boxing day party a couple of years ago and everyone was asked to remove their shoes. it was all family/extended family and nobody seemed to mind even though we were all dressed up.

Having been to places, such as India, where you take your shoes off as a matter of course, they rush to accommodate the shoe wearer, and say no, please leave them on. It's a case of making your guests at home.

The OP's SIL though, is an arse. The bit about children playing on the floor is unbelievably PFB. Floors are dirty. End of. And carpets. Why don't you have a doormat for your guests to wipe their shoes on?

It still comes across as very Hyacinth Bucket to me. The only time I remember everyone taking shoes off at a gathering in my house was on Christmas day two years ago when everyone arrived in wellies because of the snow and had decent shoes to change into and just left their wellies on the doorstep. But the idea of doing it everytime you walk into someone's house or asking 'shoes on or off'. It just sounds weird to me. Mind you, I live in Ireland so maybe it's a British thing. Any other Irish posters on here who do/don't do this?

I've never been asked to remove my shoes in anyone's house. I'd do it if asked of course but unless conditions are snowy or muddy I'd think it odd and naff in the extreme.

And it's not rude to not offer to take your shoes off in someone else's home, what a stupid thing to say. It just doesn't occur to most people that others would even expect it.

Janeatthebarre I'm Irish and have never come across this at home.

And I DEFINITELY wouldn't wear some random slippers offered by the host. Ugh.

Janeatthebarre, I'm Irish and no, it's not usual there at all.
It's only here in London, where the streets are paved with dog shit, that I became all Hyacinth like

Good on you it's your home your rules apply in your home period!!!

Thanks guys. I was wondering had I been inadvertantly offending loads of people for years by tramping all over their carpets in my size 6s.

Bit naughty OP!

You expect shoes off but don't offer the same

'And I DEFINITELY wouldn't wear some random slippers offered by the host. Ugh. '

But they always tell you, 'They're clean'. What if there are none in your size? What if you're wearing expensive tights? Who goes round carrying socks and slippers in a tiny evening handbag?

I automatically take my shoes off when going into someone else's home. I was always told it was good manners to do so.

I don't have a problem taking my shoes off at someone's house (their floors usually look nice!) but now that I'm nearly 9 months pregnant and wearing boots I do get a bit annoyed. DH hates it and won't do it at home (I do, and wear slippers).... guess who cleans the floors in our house!

In my experience those who hire cleaners don't care what you do with your shoes. Those who ask you to remove shoes do their own cleaning.

I want to add my two penneth.

I hate being asked to remove my shoes. I do it voluntarily 99% of the time.

I never ask people to remove their shoes in my house (combo of real wood flooring and cream carpets); I'd rather clean-up afterwards than embarrass/offend my guests.

My friend has a no shoes policy. I went to a party at her house and took along a relatively new bf who was mortified he had to remove his shoes because he had a hole in his sock :( I think it's so out of order when you're wearing your nice party frock and have to schlep around in your socks/tights. As Carrie Bradshaw in (the aforementioned SATC episode ) said, "this is an OUTFIT" :o

Also, my friend who insists on no shoes policy is more than happy to walk into my house wearing her shoes (probably because I don't apply the same policy) but very hypocritical don't you think?

I once went to another friend's house for a curry. We ate it at the dining room table; she then asked that I go wash my hands afterwards to avoid any grease on her new cream sofa. I complied, but was so livid. I'd used a bloody fork fgs.

santa the fact that nobody seemed to mind isn't the same as no one actually minding.

If anyone asked me I would do it immediately and you'd never know inside that I was thinking 'what a twat'.

Actually there was one occasion when I let my feelings known. A cousin insisted we removeour shoes and my Mum finds it too hard without a chair so said 'oh my shoes are clean.' Now this was true but also a signal for anyone with any manners not t pursue it. Not my cousin. He made some quasi joke like the OP: cue my Mum having to lean against the wall while she lifted up each foot for me to remove the shoes for her. All done in the smallest hallway in the world with the host watching...

I made my feelings abundandtly clear.

Wordfactory - it sounds like you were rude to your cousin. I would have said "Can Mum keep her's on? She'll struggle to remove them without a chair to sit on." Then your cousin can get your mum a chair or let her keep her shoes on.

Someone once said on here with no sense of irony whatsoever that they were having a party and their new wooden floor was very expensive and they just couldn't have women in high heels on it as it marked so easily. That was their justification.
It's a FLOOR, FFS. Why choose a surface so precious and delicate and so wholly unsuitable for the job of 'FLOOR' (whose main, indeed ONLY job description is to be walked/stood on, remember) that you have a nervous breakdown every time someone needs to walk across it in shoes?

ghoul when a wonderful, well mannered old lady declines a request to take off her shoes, why on earth would anyone with even a modicum of decency emabarrass her by drawing attention to the reason?

Are carpets really so precious?

I think it's inhospitable to ask guests to remove shoes. A guest should feel comfortable and welcome, not thy they are making the floors dirty / inconveniencing a host.

^that

Yes! ^ that indeed.

Also OP - is there backstory / tension between you and SIL?
If this went down as you said it, she seems like she was over reacting, but there seems more to this, we're you really going to wipe her shoes clean (!) or were you being sarcastic?

fellatio but it is their choice to have that floor as they don't wear shoes inside.

We are shoes off in our house but i would never ask anyone for who I know it would be difficult to remove their shoes - my dad is over 70 and keeps his on.

Also party shoes aren't usually as dirty as other shoes so if I did suddenly have a house big enough to have a party I woudl make an exception for this!