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Original poster

Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

562 replies

BlueVernis · 05/12/2012 11:58

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 06/12/2012 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poshfrock · 06/12/2012 07:41

I am a lawyer and this morning I have a meeting at an elderly client's home where several members of the family will be present together with their accountant, their land agent and other lawyers. Are you seriously suggesting we should all remove our shoes? I have meetings at clients' homes all the time (I work a lot with the elderly and housebound) and have never removed my shoes nor been asked to. I think it would look massively unprofessional. My own financial advisor tends to visit me at home - I wouldn't dream of asking him to remove his shoes. Family members who are visiting remove them without being asked for their own comfort but I wouldn't ask them to.

usualsuspect3 · 06/12/2012 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 07:51

I can stand taking off my shoes, if asked, but there is no wayI am wearing slippers that are offered- that is truly dire!

I thought that Hyacinth Bucket was supposed to be a joke but she appears to be alive and well all over the country!

I agree poshfrock- how do you take a lawyer seriously in socks?

I also think it odd because in the summer I don't wear socks or tights- do people really want me in bare feet rather than a pair of sandals?

FellatioBellsOn · 06/12/2012 08:00

I went somewhere in a really nice pair of boots once and was asked to removes them. not only did it take me ages to get them off and back on a gain, but I sat there the whole time with my big toe poking out of a hole in my sock. Confused

YoHoHoAndABottleOfSherry · 06/12/2012 08:08

Xmas Shock and Xmas Grin at the woman who tried to sell slippers to her friends when they arrived at her door. I am literally roaring with laughter at that.

My Dad is certainly not a fluffy slippers type of man, but he wouldn't dream of wearing "outdoor" shoes in the house. He has (very smart leather slip-on) "indoor" shoes which have never been outside the front door - and he even keeps another pair at my house for when he visits.

SamSmalaidh · 06/12/2012 08:08

Luckily I never have dinner/house parties so posh that anyone dresses up for them Grin

Is this a middle class/working class divide I wonder? People with lawyers and fancy dinner parties wouldn't dream of removing their shoes, people who like their houses to stay clean always do?

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 08:33

'Posh' people would never dream of it at a dinner party. ( they pay someone to clean the carpets)

wordfactory · 06/12/2012 08:58

I know a lot of 'posh' folk and go to a fair few dinner/cocktail parties etc and have never been asked to take off my shoes. And no one has volunteered to do so.

The thought of everyone in their smart clothes with socks is hilarious.

There was once a coffee morning where the hostess asked everyone to remove their shoes and of course we all did, wouldn't dreamed of not doing as asked...but we did laugh behind her back, I'm afraid.

wordfactory · 06/12/2012 08:59

Am actually loving the picture of 40 or 50 people mingling in a lovely house, wearing their nicest clothes in their socks... it could make a great scene.

JingleBellsRawSharkSmells · 06/12/2012 09:00

poshfrock if the lady had asked you to take off your shoes would you still have left them on?

JingleBellsRawSharkSmells · 06/12/2012 09:01

fellatiobellson shame on you having a hole in your sock Xmas Grin

SamSmalaidh · 06/12/2012 09:02

OK, so shoes on is definitely a posh thing then Grin Maybe I just don't have enough middle class friends for this to have ever been an issue for me.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2012 09:03

'Maybe you should have a pair of slipper socks in your briefcase '

Wear them on the pavement first, however; extra points for stepping in spit or where you've seen a dog pee.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2012 09:05

If asked to remove my shoes at a dinner party I'd leave. Fortunately, my friends are posh. :o

cavell · 06/12/2012 09:11

If you are a guest in someone's home, then I think you should do your best to fit in and if they take their shoes off indoors, I think yo should too.

I agree that it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off (and so would never do so) - but I think it is equally rude not to offer to remove shoes in the first place.

Jins · 06/12/2012 09:24

Quite a few of my friends are shoes off people in day to day life but thinking about it we've not taken shoes off at parties. I do have one friend who insists on shoes off but doesn't like bare feet or socks. Confused

I won't wear slippers. The closest I get to slippers is crocs. I don't like wearing shoes much

DiamondDoris · 06/12/2012 09:27

Shoes on invariably means more work: Ex brought in dog shit, mud and tarmac - all of which he refused to clean up (that's one reason he's an ex). The tarmac never came out. He was brought up by parents where the father wore shoes indoors and mother in slippers. She cleaned the floors and their bright orange carpet (hallway included) was grubby. It's old-fashioned machismo to wear shoes in the house: "look at me, I'm the man, I wear the shoes trousers in this house". Most guests these days offer to remove shoes. If they don't, I let them in anyway but grit my teeth.

poshfrock · 06/12/2012 09:32

Jingle well this particular elderly lady is a farmer and has herself worn mud spattered wellies throughout our previous meetings. She also has stone floors covered in various types of animal hair and mud so I think it is unlikely that she would ask me, but if she did then I would probably refuse. And I'm sure the other attendees would too. I have been to her house several times and have never seen her or any member of her family in anything other than outdoor shoes.

Floggingmolly · 06/12/2012 09:39

Yes it is a very rude thing to do, apparently. I couldn't care less, I do it anyway.
I last scrubbed dog shit off the carpet when 8 months pregnant, which some inconsiderate git had walked in and then left for me to clean, and swore then I'd never do it again.

I don't even have carpets anymore, actually, but I still insist on shoes off.

poshfrock · 06/12/2012 09:40

exotic I agree with you about the sandals. I never wear socks or tights in the summer ( except for work - bare legs = unprofessional) so you would have to take me barefoot.

Actually, on that point if you asked someone to take off their shoes and they said "well ok but I have verrucas " what do you do then ? Do you still insist or do you let them keep their shoes on ?

MistressIggi · 06/12/2012 09:41

"Honestly, just get some hard flooring, a mop, a heavily patterned rug, a decent doormat and a bottle of gin. It will all seem so much easier then.". - Fellatio, I am going to take that as my motto for life!

justmyview · 06/12/2012 09:46

It's not clear from OP if the other in laws who were already at the house had removed their shoes. If they were still wearing their shoes, then it was rude to ask SIL to remove hers. I think it was rude to make a point of finding kitchen roll to wipe her shoes. That's what doormats are for.

Her reaction was rude though. She should have done as she was asked, even if it wasn't her preference

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 06/12/2012 09:54

See I wouldn't ordinarily insist on shoes off in my house. Unless they were filthy and then I'd nicely ask.

But I insist that me and mine offer to take them off when visiting.
Nothing wrong with that.

YoHoHoAndABottleOfSherry · 06/12/2012 10:03

Am actually loving the picture of 40 or 50 people mingling in a lovely house, wearing their nicest clothes in their socks... it could make a great scene

Well if you had the space in your house to host a dinner party for 50 people, you could probably afford just to replace the carpet afterwards Xmas Wink. If we tried to cram 50 people in our living room it would be more of a squash the tube at rush hour I doubt they'd be able to find a spare piece of carpet to smear dog shit all over stand in in their posh shoes Xmas Grin

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