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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

562 replies

BlueVernis · 05/12/2012 11:58

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

usualsuspect3 · 05/12/2012 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crashdoll · 05/12/2012 20:46

If you have a young child who plays on the floor and puts things in their mouth and insist on shoes off because of it, do you never put your child on anyone else's floor?

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/12/2012 20:48

In my house you go in straight through the gun room guests who remove shoes get led into the house from the door on the left those who don't get taken through the door on the right. One leads to the carpeted bits and stairs the other to the slate and wood floored area.

But if I go into anybody's house I automatically remove high heals due to a very embarrassing and costly error made many years ago in a clients house on a brand new floor but any other type of shoes I ask.

The way I figure it people pay good money for carpets ect if they want them to look good for longer so require people to take shoes off who am I to get offended by that.

Greensleeves · 05/12/2012 20:51

if they have holey socks do they fall through a trapdoor and get eaten by crocodiles?

usualsuspect3 · 05/12/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyVonSchtupp · 05/12/2012 20:55

I only keep guns in my gun room.

usualsuspect3 · 05/12/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/12/2012 21:07

I don't care about holey socks I'm very keen on pulling holes in my own. No crocodiles either but a few trap doors.

Usual, most of the year yes But I don't have a ballroom.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/12/2012 21:12

nooooooooo I'm not the anybody, and its not a palace just a very old pile of bricks and horse shit (or so my brother informs me)

UniS · 05/12/2012 22:30

YANBU.

shoes off house here and many other houses in the village. no one wants horse , sheep or cow muck trodden in. even in "shoes on" houses ( dog owners mainly) it seems the children take shoes off to go upstairs.

mrskeithrichards · 05/12/2012 22:59

Oh socks house sounds like a choose your own adventure book!

nemno · 05/12/2012 23:19

What about wheelchair and walker users? Do they have to go through a sluice? It'd be very rude to make them embarrassed by asking everyone around them to take their shoes off and make them aware that you consider their presence a germ risk?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 05/12/2012 23:23

"I'd more worry about shared food passed by hand,than shoes on carpets,given you won't ingest carpet

ps.if you touch someone else mobile strong chance has urine,faeces on it.as due to non hand washing then use phone "

why would i eat food someone else had touched?

SomeTiggyPudding · 05/12/2012 23:30

Why do some people wipe their arses with their phones? I suppose if your phone has a mesh style speaker bit you could use it to grate the drier chunks off, but it will build up eventually and ruin my phone again.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 05/12/2012 23:35

NOBODY comes past my hallway without removing their shoes, and I would never go into someone else's home without removing mine. It even makes me cringe to see people walk around their own front rooms with shoes on! (I wouldn't say anything, but I internally cringe.)

squoosh · 05/12/2012 23:36

If you have ever eaten in an establishment that isn't your own home, someone has touched your food.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 06/12/2012 00:15

squoosh stop it!!

lalalalala

judefawley · 06/12/2012 00:24

I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes; it's a bit precious.

What if you're having a dinner or party? People get dressed up and then have to pad around in their socks or tights? Just wrong imo.

Life's too short to care about a bit of dirt.

FellatioBellsOn · 06/12/2012 04:26

yes Jude. Although in my experience the sort of people who make you take your shoes off are rarely the sort of people who have dinner parties. They don't like to cook because it makes their oven dirty.

FellatioBellsOn · 06/12/2012 04:28

Exactly jude. Although in my experience the sort of people who make you take your shoes off are rarely the sort of people who have dinner parties. They don't like to cook because it makes their oven dirty and they get stressed about having people in their home generally.

(SIL I am looking at you.)

OrangeLily · 06/12/2012 07:08

Bull...... We always have parties and dinner parties and we take our shoes off as do our friends and family. We had a party at the weekend and everyone took their shoes off, some even brought slipper socks.

We're very sociable people and I can be arsed spending extra time cleaning my carpets because some lovely person gets offended because they can't wear shoes. Get. Over. It.

usualsuspect3 · 06/12/2012 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 07:16

You are both unreasonable. It is rude to ask someone to take off their shoes but if asked you should just do it. I can't see what being the 'older SIL' has to do with it!
I agree with fellatio- altogether too precious to have someone who puts the carpet first (it can be cleaned). I have a picture of people tiptoeing in, shoeless, to admire the carpet!

exoticfruits · 06/12/2012 07:17

I wouldn't want to go to a dinner party where you take your shoes off- bizarre! And slipper socks when all dressed up are even more bizarre!

FellatioBellsOn · 06/12/2012 07:29

That reminds of the thread on here the other day where someone went to a particularly pretentious friend's house for dinner, and they were asked to remove their shoes and help themselves 'to the artisanal slippers from the basket'.

There was another one a couple of years ago where a particularly strange woman kept a running stock of brand new cheap slippers which her guests were invited to buy from her as they came in the door. I amazed she had any friends quite honestly.

(sorry if it's already been mentioned upthread)

Honestly, just get some hard flooring, a mop, a heavily patterned rug, a decent doormat and a bottle of gin. It will all seem so much easier then.

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