I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

[CQuin]

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

What job will not allow you to stop for a drink?

Try mine. I can have a drink if I get my PA to make it and drink whilst working. Same with lunch.

I was doing emails from my phone less than 2hrs after DS was born (he was asleep, I still couldn't move legs after epidural having been prepped for EMCS)

It's nonsensical to call being at home with your own children a job
If it is a job then I work full time in paid employment and also have another job 6pm - 7.30am and weekends as a SAHM - which is clearly rubbish and nobody would claim that.

Being at home with young children involves work but is not a job. It is a lifestyle that you may or may not have actively chosen.

If you consider it a job then is it also a job to be a housewife with no kids at home?

On the subject of laziness you can indeed be either lazy or industrious in either capacity, but if you are lazy at work you are unlikely to keep a job very long these days.

drizzle was it not you posting that working mums had a chip on their shoulder

No, Tantrums not what I said. What I said was that wohms with a chip on their shoulder start these threads, not that they had a chip on their shoulder per se (sp?)

Full time mother implies that working or having school aged children makes you a part time mother So what if it does? My DCs are grown up, what does that make me, not a mother at all? It's semantics.

In the end most mothers are sahm or wohm at some point in their lives, some have family near by to help, some have DH's who work away, some have short hours, some have long commutes, some have six DCs, some have one, some have easy DCs, some have whingey so trying to score points is a waste of time. It's hard work regardless imo.

I think the posts prior to mine prove my point

I find it difficult to be lazy :(

someone show me how...

This week I have been in a&e and then vets and then vets again and then hospital again

I want to be able to have a normal week, it never happens

That's the thing drizzle it's hardly accurate to say someone with grown up children are not mothers, that working parents and SAHM of school age children are part time mothers.
The implications are that unless you are with your children 24/7 you are "part time"
Parenting is not something you can do part time is it? You are a parent, regardless of the age of your children, or your current occupation.
That was my point.
And sorry if I misquoted you.

you are more of a mum if you are at home with the kids all day

no one who works outside the home likes it but it's true.

if you are at home you are the goto guy. if you aren't at home someone else has to fill that role.

when the kids are small they won't know/care who does it as long as someone does...they won't remember sub about 4 anyway

stop sweating this stuff

Really?
More of a mum?

What an utterly stupid thing to suggest.

Perry you are brave!

yy more of a mum

knows more of what's going on with the child at any time
knows what they are up to as they are there with them
knows their ever changing preferences better as they are spending time with them observing them change

Define 'more of a mum'

i'm more of a mum than a woman with 2 DCs

having 3

these threads always end up in some sort of shitey bun-fight

really, if you're a parent, you're a parent - there's no fucking top dogs, who's better than who, you're a parent. full stop

Catgirl, well exactly you do get to have a drink. This is often the scenario I find myself in - i'm drinking whilst doing something else, whilst all the time saying, 'hot, hot, careful'.

As a SAHP I do not spend my time shopping, or going to coffee shops. Sitting in cold parks is not all it's cracked up to be. I would not expect my 20 month old to go shopping with me and sit in a coffee shop. How are either of these activities stimulating for a toddler? I would not expect my 5 year old to go shopping with me. He would enjoy a piece of cake from a cafe but he wouldn't enjoy being rushed because my toddler was climbing out of the high chair.

if you are the primary care giver to your child you are by all measures a ft mum
if you work outside the home you hand over all of the care of that child to someone else for a period of time
thus your actual mumming is somewhat less than that of a mother who stays at home

this has nothing to do with love but factually if you work outside the home you mum less

btw i am not judging anyone
it's entirely your business what you do

Now we're getting down to it huh?!

Prior to children I had a job that had incredibly long hours and I had an 1 1/2 commute each way. I could not return to that job, it was not compatible with having a 12 month old baby- if i had returned to work after ML. Despite the demands of that job i find being a SAHM a lot harder. So to me a demanding job In itself is not 'tougher' than the job of SAHP. It is utterly dependent upon what support you have in that role as to how much easier it is than paid employment. As I said I don't have a DP that arrives home at 6 to do bath time. He gets in at 9.30, 10.30 4 nights a week, he goes in to the office on a Saturday or Sunday. My mother lives 4 hours away, my Dad works in Africa 3 months at a time, my MIL is in her own words a very much 'hands off' Grandma. I have a brother who is busy being a Partner in a Law firm and is father to 3 so I can't exactly ask for help from him. If you had a great support system I would imagine a) I could work pt and b) I wouldn't be as exhausted!

More of a Mum. That's about the silliest thing I've ever heard. Most SAHM's that I've known realise they're lucky to have the choice and it would be much harder to have a job outside the home. A friend of mine called it a lazy life and she was an SAHM for quite a good number of years. She had five children.

Your friend was wrong and if she had 5 children it does beg the question wtf was she doing with them all day if she found it easy- I would imagine not much or not enough! Yes SHE sounds lazy.

Oh yes and I have a friend that works, has 1 child who is now 5 but has always said that it is easier going to work.

perry are all the dads that go to work, lesser parents then than their SAH wives?

Have just had a chat with the next generation about this (dd's). They had some interesting points.

1. Anything that involves time and effort should be classed as work, and therefore a job. The example they used was voluntary work.

1. Working mums who manage to work, and raise their children and run the household need to realise this isn't a possibility for every family.

1. 'Unworking out of the home mums' should respect that those who work as full time parents.

1. Men don't worry about these labels, why should we?

1. We all need to 'get over ourselves'.

'lucky to have the choice'?? I've sacrificed quite a lot for that 'choice'. After I had my DS we continued to live in a 1 bedroom flat until he was 2 so that I could continue to be with him at home from 12 months.

Love that being a SAHM is a 'life choice' but choosing a job where you only get a coffee or lunch if your PA can slot in time to make it for you isn't.
ROFL at that.

Good points Impty.

I wonder if it is the fact that many SAHM and WOHMs feel put upon or overworked which causes the rivalry over who does more of what.

OP - You are right. Being a SAHM is not a job because jobs take only about 8 hours per day, with a lunch break, and you don't have to work at your job over the weekends.

Being a SAHM is more like slavery. 24/7, no breaks, no days off.