I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

[CQuin]

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

Goldenbear, good for you if you have never read this on MN. But it's out there

That aside, I'm not trying to comment on your personal situation - I don't know you and it's not hugely interesting to me how you arrange things. I really only care on a broader, societal level. I'm using the impersonal you, but perhaps I should change it to one to make it clearer?

The difference between being lazy or under performing at home, versus under performing at work, is there is recourse for sanctions and dismissal with one. (Let's not go into child protection examples here, since we're discussing the majority of parents, not the rare worst case scenarios).

I don't understand why it's relevant to mention that you know SAHPs who see 'their role as hugely influential in their childrens' future' - surely the same is true for all parents..?

Well if they are at school saying you are "looking after children" isn't accurate

They are at school for most of the day. You are not looking after them whilst they are at school. I am not looking after mine whilst I am at work.

So say whatever it is you are doing whilst they are at school.

Well i eat lunch every single day so will start saying that that.
A lady who lunches... that'll wind some people right up. I like it [grins]

Impty, "I'm fortunate that I can take some time off now that the children are at school."

If you do something else, you can add that you study, you're volunteering, you're caring for someone, you're relaxing or you manage your investment portfolio. Whatever. Others might be curious but nobody can force you to provide an explanation, so you can choose to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Eating lunch isn't a job though is it.

Or she could just save herself all that faffing about and say what she wants.

I'm still laughing my arse off in awe that this upsets people. It's almost as if some of you feel that women are stepping on your toes by considering motherhood work.

I think you need to get over yourselves.

Why not say you are having some time off, if that's what you are doing (those are your words)

You are entitled to some time off. You don't have to justify it

Motherhood us work. I know that. In a mother. It isn't a job though.

Stupid phone.

oh dear. If you need to overthink something as trivial as this, you have issues. Big ones.

What do you mean impy about the SAHPs who are hugely influential in their dcs lives? The ones not in average setup or with average income? Surely the amount if money a parent has doesn't make them more or less effective...

I'm a SAHM and refer myself as that...when I got married recently the registrar asked me my occupation, & then insisted on filling it in instead as "full time mother". That annoyed me (although it was hardly the time nor the place to comment) - every mother is full time surely?!

Oh god yes. I like Michelle Obama but "mom-in-chief" just makes me wince.

I haven't said I'm taking time off. I said I gave up work, and never went back.

This is part of the problem. I think that Sahp's (which i agree im not) often feel the need to justify their choices to those in employment. It wasn't always this way.

But bloody hell we are all allowed to make those choices. If we women were more supportive of each other, the mothers at home would not feel the need to make their choice a 'job'.

Takataka that wasn't me who said that..

I agree silvercup, some would say it's just semantics but it really irritates me. Though more so in an institutionalised setting, rather than when said by a well-meaning mother in light conversation.

If your kids are at school all day & you don't work outside the house you are either
A Bloody lucky
B unfortunate
C Bloody Lazy

Sure be a sahm when the kids are 'at home'
when they are at school if you need money then work like the rest of us, ( job availability & health willing)
If you don't need to work then you are in the affluent minority.
All that ' I can't work because of school pick up, or what would I do if the kids are sick or have forgotten their recorder"!
It's all an excuse most of the population deal with it.
Be a housewife & mother without paid employment if that's your thing, but don't try & justify it by saying it is a job!

Impty, it wasn't particularly clear from your post, so I wrote 'taking time off'. I'll amend that to "I'm fortunate that I don't have to work now that the children are at school."

I disagree that women are not being supportive enough, I think the real issue is that both parents could have more choices. So childcare subsidies and friendly workplace policies to ensure that both parents can continue their careers or pursue outside interests. I think lots of people would be happier with more balance, and it's nice to have a hand in work and childcare, to stay skilled in both.

No Fenix, it is not necessary to change it to 'one' - how patronising.

I don't agree that sanctions prohibit an inefficient, lazy work ethos - it at least it didnt in the places I worked and I'm talking major, huge organisations.

Seeing as you are being very blunt and to the point I thought I'd do the same in mentioning those that feel having a positive impact on their childrens' future definitely involves the principle of one parent being at home FT. That is a a view I hear in RL, I don't agree with it but it is definitely a decisive factor in one person being at home with most I know that have this set up.

You're right - being a SAHM isn't a job. It's a lot like a holiday. You can go for walks in the country, go to a friend's for coffee, do a bit of shopping. Yes you need to look after the children, but you can still do a lot of the things you like to do. Plus, most people like being with their children at least some of the time - that's why you have them. So I wouldn't in any way compare it with being out in a full time job.

What utter bollox - where the hell do you holiday?

It's not where you holiday, it's when!

I choose to take my holiday when my children are off school and, yes, it's a fucking holiday! That's what I call it, that's what it feels like, that's what it is! To me at least. But that's because I'm not doing it all year round. If I was I'd probably begin to forget what working really felt like.

Its not utter bollox goldenbear depending on circumstance. My day at home off work and sahping is much easier than my work days. Once the dc are in school being a sahp is a piece of piss. A couple of lunches, a school run and a bit of tidying do not a 'job' make.

The thing is that your time is your own baring the school run and that is a luxury compared to working.

What about people like my DH Dromedary? He adores his job and would be incredibly unhappy if he was unable to do it. That's why he worked so hard in uni.

A walk in the country would bore him to death and he works with his friends so had coffee with them every day.

Most people enjoy their jobs at least some of the time.

Is the "the WOHM make arses of themselves" thread?

This is so depressing, SAHM being belittled and (some) of the WOHM coming across as hideously bitter.

People should the general right to describe their lives as they choose. If someone wants to call themselves a full-time mum, I have no problem with that and I speak as a WOHM.

All those saying that motherhood isn't considered as a job and spluttering at the very thought that it should be, you need to treat yourself to some feminist analysis.

What we "value" in society doesn't occur in a vacuum. For all the talk of motherhood being an important job/role/task there is very little actual support for mothers and mothering.

But hey, lets just all slag each other off instead. That will solve everything.