Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

367 replies

RainbowsFriend · 03/12/2012 21:10

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! Grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder Grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

OP posts:
Belmo · 03/12/2012 23:25

Oh I really hope YANBU! My dd is 15 months and still feeds a lot, she has a lot of allergies and doesn't eat much but makes up for it with milk. I feed her in public all the time, and she's huge, off the top of the charts, so I'm sure people think she's at least 2 and are judging away merrily.

pigletmania · 03/12/2012 23:27

Choccy People will pass judgement or have opinions on anything, I suppose it's the confidence to say stuff you I am doing it despite what you think

ChocolateCoins · 03/12/2012 23:27

I am really shocked at some of the responses on this thread, it makes me so angry. 18 month is still a baby! Wish I had the guts to post what I'm really thinking but my post would probably get deleted Wink

YANBU to feed your toddler in public. Those women are ignorant and naive for saying what they did. Good for you for still breastfeeding and doing the best for your child op.

CocktailQueen · 03/12/2012 23:29

YANBU! 18 months is not old. Are you sure the mums were talking about you?? if do, they were being VU and should be ashamed. And it IS mummy milk, I don't know why some posters are being all Xmas Hmm about it...

TENDTOprocrastinate · 03/12/2012 23:30

Yanbu. But yesterday I commented on a 4 yr old sucking a dummy on his way to school- people comment and (unreasonably) make judgements on things that don't fit in with the perceived 'norm'.

BegoniaBampot · 03/12/2012 23:31

trying to remember up to what age I Bf in public as I fed my child to just over 2yrs old. He was definitely running about though, remember my friends cousins who were visiting raising their eyebrows when I fed him at the park. Did try and do it very discretely though.

OxfordBags · 03/12/2012 23:31

Well, if a few women you knew only Bfed for 6 months, Squeaky, then obviously it logically follows that the rest of womankind in the past, present and future are freaks for doing anything different Hmm

Are you actually saying that all your vitriol on so many threads about Bfing is purely because you don't know of anyone who BFed (or admits to doing so) over 6 months?! Seriously? Your incredibly narrow - and clearly unrepresentative experience makes you think that you know best? WOW.

Bfing is an extra form of love, comfort and connection you can give to and share with, a child; why would - or, more importantly, SHOULD - a mother have to give that up at some arbitrarily appointed point in time? So what if some children you know haven't been damaged developmentally by Bfing being stopped at 6 months? Does that make stopping that early right? You make it sound like parenting choices should be based on getting away with paying lip service to certain things or getting away with the bare minimum. How cold and sad.

OxfordBags · 03/12/2012 23:32

PS, it's actually MY son who does that stuff, ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged :)

jellybeans · 03/12/2012 23:33

YANBU. I fed till 11 months, would have gone on as long as needed but DS self weaned. I have friends who fed till 3 and 4 publically-not a problem. If people don't like it, chances are it is because the breasts are sexualised to them and they are ignorant and brainwashed by modern (and quite bizarre) norms. It's perfectly natural to feed a toddler the milk designed for it! That is why we have breasts after al!

BegoniaBampot · 03/12/2012 23:43

and can't believe people can be so rude to discuss it like that in your hearing - where do these folk come from!

snowtunesgirl · 03/12/2012 23:54

I am just gently creeping into this territory as DD turned one the other week. And frankly, I couldn't give a flying one as to what people think and neither should you OP.

TryDrawingAPicture · 04/12/2012 00:28

I fed my 14mo dd in an M&S cafe today. I am very discreet. Cba with a nursing cover but there's defo no boob on display when I feed. Despite this, the women at the tables on either side of me were visibly squirming. One of them put her hand up to sort of shield her eyes. I found their reactions so hilariously ridiculous that I now feel much better about NIP and will happily continue for as long as dd needs.

A friend of mine has a stock phrase for these situations: "could I please have your phone number? That way, I'll be able to ask your advice on my next parenting problem. I assume that day or night will be fine?"

Dd calls it "nur". I call it "human milk".

blackeyedsusan · 04/12/2012 00:41

18months is still so wee. the last time I fed ds in public he was 2.5 months.

WHO recommends 2 years so anyone who thinks different is a bit ignorant imo.

what is really worrying is that he could still remember feeding a year after he stopped at 2.6m

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 04/12/2012 07:18

Ah, well then he sounds adorable Oxford

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 04/12/2012 07:28

Why is it worrying that your child remembered bf, blackeyedsusan?

I bf my two to 4.5 and 3 respectively, and was definitely still feeding them in public at 18 months. IMO people make comments out of a combination of their own discomfort about bf in public due to what breasts stand for in their mind and vague fears ultimately about the power of mothers, and a belief that mothers with small children are fair game (bitter experience on this second one).

Bf won't be 'normalised' if people don't do it in public. YANBU.

NuzzleandScratch · 04/12/2012 07:40

What ridiculous hysteria over the term "mummy milk". It's logical and straight forward. I use this term with my toddler (who I stopped bf at 14 months), to explain what I'm giving dd2. This is partly to impress upon her that she can't have anything else at the moment (she's only 4 months).

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 04/12/2012 07:40

YANBU, i fed DD until she was almost 2 in public, then she chose to drop the feeds to morning and night. Now at 2.6 we are down to bedtime only and I feel incredibly sad that DD doesn't want it much anymore.

I got comments too, one charming lady told me I was a child abuser and might as well pimp out my daughter. She was told (not exactly politely) where to go, with directions!

Unfortunately we are too interested in how other people care for their children. Quite frankly as long as the child is happy, healthy and being cared for people should keep their opinions to themselves yes mother that includes you, and no not giving DD sweets and cake 3 times a day is not child abuse!

NuzzleandScratch · 04/12/2012 07:50

I think YANBU op. What business is it of anyone else if you choose to do this? What I find odd is that if you bf a tiny baby in public, people look as if it's so cute, then at some point this switches to the reaction of the op. I must say I'm surprised at some of the comments on here, I thought mn would largely approve!

Alligatorpie · 04/12/2012 08:09

You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I bf dd1 until she was 2 and a half, but I stopped when out in public at about age 2. I never had any comments, but I just felt they were going to start coming soon. TBH she was mostly nursing morning and night by then, so she didn't really notice.

Startail · 04/12/2012 08:23

Squeaky I can think of three other mums who BF their DCs to somewhere between 3 and 5 and one who is feeding her 14 month old at the moment.

When I last spoke to her she was very glad he was still BFing as he's had a horrible bug and isn't eating.

I should add that only one of these people is a lentil weaving vegetarian hippy and she's a doctor.

I will go now, as I also always appear, on these threads.

TwinklingWonderland · 04/12/2012 08:25

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years (and exclusively for the first six months). The other mothers were very rude and ignorant, ignore them.

YANBU and well done for doing what works for you and dd.

TwinklingWonderland · 04/12/2012 08:35

Squeekytoy you have some bizarre logic, just because your friends didn't bf past six months its strange? And if they're old enough to ask for it they're too old? Still, you know better than the World Health organization....

Perhaps your friends were too afraid of your comments and opinions to admit they were bfing longer [grins]

EauRouge · 04/12/2012 08:54

Actually I am pleasantly surprised by this thread, the vast majority of posts are supportive.

OP, YANBU. Fuck those other women. I still BF my 21 mo DD2 and my 4yo DD1 in public if she asks (which is usually only if she's scared or hurt) and I couldn't give a shiny shite what other people think. Their problem, not mine. I'm not waving my norks in their faces and you can't see anything.

Things are changing for the better but sadly in this country you still need a pretty thick skin sometimes if you are BF a toddler.

saccrofolium · 04/12/2012 09:05

I'm all for extended BF, but will admit to raising an eyebrow at a cold in prep/kindergarten uniform complete with hat, being BF standing next to her mum in my local Starbucks.

aufaniae · 04/12/2012 09:19

RainbowsFriend many mothers in the UK do feed their DCs to 2, 3, 4 years old, but mostly in private, to avoid run ins with the kind of people you met IME. People assume that people have stopped BFing, when quite often those DCs are simply fed at home..

Our culture is very anti-extended BFing, sadly. Even the HV tried to discourage me from feeding DS to sleep when he was about 18mo.

I bowed to pressure eventually, and stopped feeding DS in public a good while back. However am currently pregnant with DC2, and feel a lot more confident about it this time round.

People rarely see 18mos fed in public. It's only us mums who can make the difference, feeding in public despite comments, so it becomes more normal, and other mums who see us will feel it's OK to do so :)

I know how unpleasant it is to get comments. But I'm going to be much more up for challenging them this time round, bring it on! Grin