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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

367 replies

RainbowsFriend · 03/12/2012 21:10

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! Grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder Grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 03/12/2012 22:01

Rainbow, your childminder might just want shot of her client at that point, and want to get on with her evening!
By 18m, my daughter was old enough that I could say no, not til we get home - and distraction with a biscuit or a toy. There's nothing wrong with feeding her at pick up, but don't be afraid of saying no! I wasn't fierce about it - distraction first, and then in a joking voice I'd giggle and say "no - you have to wait!".
Check out the kellymom site on nursing manners. Wriggler are a pain! There's just so much going on that they want to see it all!
You're doing a great job still feeding - be proud of yourself, and what you're doing for your baby.

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/12/2012 22:01

Aprilrain - I 'like' your post and agree with your squeakytoy comments - we all can clearly see though that she a HUGE complex about bf and her idiotic posts show that.

denise77 · 03/12/2012 22:02

Go for it! Breastfed both my DDs til they were 20 months when they want it they want it good on you

maddening · 03/12/2012 22:02

Moomins - but no-one would look twice if that milk was in a feeder cup - it's just the vessel that's the problem.

TheSecondComing · 03/12/2012 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muddledmamma · 03/12/2012 22:06

YANBU

My little guy called it mummy milk too. I had no idea he was being so controversial - I thought he was being spot on ;)

And I totally would have said something to people as rude as that but amazingly, I never had a single comment in 3 yrs. Maybe I look scary.

catkind · 03/12/2012 22:06

Aw, how lovely of you to be feeding your little one after her lunch. Please don't be put off by a bunch of idiots. And it's mummy milk in this house too, nowt wrong with that.
I'd like to think I'd have marched over and pointed out a) that they were being rude and I could hear them, and b) the WHO guidelines. In reality, probably i'd just have kept eating my lunch and fuming silently like you.

dementedma · 03/12/2012 22:07

Wouldn't feel comfortable bfing a 4 year old as some posters do, but guess each to her own.in a world of supposed free speech I suppose anyone is free to bf as long as they
like and equally people are free to disapprove if they so wish.

Moominsarescary · 03/12/2012 22:09

Maddening same thing really, noone would look twice if the bm was in a feeder cup.

However like the op says it's also about comfort too. Ds loves his bottle at night, which is why I haven't taken it away yet. Both mine and the ops toddlers are capable of drinking from a cup. Doesn't mean they should have to.

People should just mind their own business.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 03/12/2012 22:12

*I will always be of the view that if they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to be doing it.

So shoot me.*

Oh good my 18month old can only say mum so i guess i'm ok to still feed him then?
Oh mind you he's being crying when hungry since he was a newborn, maybe i should have put my foot down right there since technically he was asking for it.
Gosh it's so complicated, be a dear and remind me of the rules again?

iwillsleepagainsomeday · 03/12/2012 22:13

rainbow, so you just bent to these mums? why? You are reinforcing them this way.

changeforthebetterforObama · 03/12/2012 22:13

Of course there is nothing wrong with.feeding a 18 m old. I wimped out of public feeds about that age. I just wasn't up to fending off the comments. I went on to feed her till past 4 (very much her request - nothing to do with wanting to keep her as a baby). Anyhoo she's a bright, sparky little schoolgirl , loads of confidence but not arrogant.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 03/12/2012 22:14

Well I've got a sore tum tum tonight so off to sleepy byes.
Nighty night Wink

Dominodonkey · 03/12/2012 22:17

YANBU to feel a little upset, you weren't doing anything wrong. However others are NBU to feel it is a little strange as in Western Society breast feeding is generally seen as something for babies which an 18 month old is not (especially if she looks older as you suggest) It is just rude and unnecessary to make blatant comments though.

Those who relentlessly quote WHO guidelines and things like the average age for weaning is four seem to be unable to comprehend that for most of these mothers it is a choice between breast milk, nothing or sewage filled water. It's hardly the same as in the OP's case where the child has eaten enough food for a large adult and now wants a drink from mum on top.

Those commenting on the OPs use of 'mummy milk' - yes it's twee but perfectly logical to use it as a term with her child, however here the OP is posting to other adults.

squeakytoy · 03/12/2012 22:20

The thread is in AIBU, not the breastfeeding section. I am as entitled to anyone else to have an opinion on it..

BertieBotts · 03/12/2012 22:21

OP do you have a La Leche League group near you? Definitely helps you feel more "normal" for breastfeeding past 6/12 months. I don't think I'd have had the confidence to feed in public if it wasn't for this wonderful group of people. And, as an aside, when the group was first set up my DS was 16 months old. He was the oldest child at the group other than the age 3+ children who didn't tend to ask for milk any more, and the other mums who later became my friends told me when their children got to 2 or so and they were still feeding, that it surprised them to see me feeding him still at 16 months and that he was the oldest child they'd ever seen fed, but they hid their surprise out of politeness, and after a few weeks, it was just normal - and they ended up continuing until far after that 16 month point.

It is surprising to see something you are not used to. Before I had children I used to think feeding a child over a year was strange, wasn't keen on seeing it in pictures, etc. Last year I saw that Time magazine cover (Mother breastfeeding her 4 year old as he stood on a step stool) which sparked controversy and outrage and even "extended" feeders of maybe two year olds said they found it uncomfortable to see. I looked at the picture and was totally bemused as to how anyone could have found anything wrong with it. To me it looked like a totally normal picture.

It's funny how your attitude can change. I don't live in a hippy dippy town of long term breastfeeders, I happen to know a few people who have let their children self wean, but they're not the only mothers I come into contact with. I now have quite a bad habit of assuming any child under about 2.5 is probably still breastfed and I have to remind myself that they're probably not! I would (and did) think nothing of feeding my child if and when he needed it, wherever we were pretty much, if he asked. Which he doesn't, any more, because he's 4.2 and is coming to the very end now. I have fed him in public possibly 4 times in the last two years? I have had ONE person do a double take, and even they were polite enough to keep on walking and pretend they hadn't noticed anything. I breastfed in front of friends my age (early 20s) with no children and they have been perfectly fine about it, either supportive or mildly curious.

pigletmania · 03/12/2012 22:22

Don't mind tbh, over 2 would be a bit hmm

Idocrazythings · 03/12/2012 22:27

domino it's not just a drink though, it has antibodies, long chain fatty acids, vitamins and then some. and it has the same amount it did when a baby was under 12 months but in a more concentrated form as they don't drink the same volume.
I think if it could be marketed purely by its contents and not that it's breast milk I think it would fly off shelves.

MikeOxard · 03/12/2012 22:27

Yanbu. Those people were just being rude knobs. I think the more bfing in public the better, as people need to get used to it and realise (if they don't already) that it is normal. So, if you think about it that way, you were doing a good thing for society as well as for your baby, well done! :o

larks35 · 03/12/2012 22:30

YANBU to breast-feed your child in public. I'm [shocked] that other mothers felt it was okay to talk about you so loudly. I think I would have said something tbh. I chose not to continue bf once I returned to work due to needing DP to take over some night feeds and hating the expessing, but there is a part of me that regrets this decision. DD is now 8 months and after a week of being snot-free now has her 4th cold since September (when I stopped bf). Good on you for keeping going with it, my only comment would be to ensure you give yourself a break when you can. My sis extended bf with her youngest until her constant fatigue led to her falling downstairs and breaking an ankle.

porridgewithalmondmilk · 03/12/2012 22:30

I don't have any children but I can't for the life of me understand why people have a problem with breastfeeding. If you don't feel comfortable breastfeeding an 18 month old then don't do it - no one is forcing anybody! - but how unfair to be rude about someone else.

I'm sure they wouldn't have liked it if you'd said rude things about formula (not that you would or that that would be any more acceptable.)

As far as I can see, breastmilk does a child no harm and plenty of good so what the big deal is I don't know. It must just be that it comes from boobs - wonder if people would be so horrified if it came from elbows or something!?

OxfordBags · 03/12/2012 22:32

People who think it's weird/wrong/whatever are missing 3 vital points:

  1. A BABY of that age SHOULD be being breastfed. Our first teeth are called Milk Teeth because we are genetically designed to Bf until we get our adult teeth in: aged 5-7!

  2. Breastmilk is the healthiest and most nutritious form of a food a child, especially at that age, can consume. BM changes and adapts as the child grows and as BFing continues, it tailors itself ever more finely to the child.

  3. Saying a baby of that age doesn't need to BF as they have eaten is wholly missing the point; Bfing is (or should be) a lovely, gentle, bonding time of comfort and connection. To deny the customary BF would be like denying the child cuddles, kisses or eye contact.

I still Bf my 20 month old, and he nurses a hell of a lot. Strangely, he's never really wanted to BF much in public since he was about 9 months old, although he has done at times. When a child is sad, hurt, ill or unable to sleep, it is wonderful to have such an easy and loving solution to soothe and help them. Breastfeeding allows you to take breaks from everything else that's going on and just have concentrated, relaxing mother-child moments and it's lovely.

I also love that my son can ask for BM now. Now my BM isn't the sole source of nutrition keeping him alive and his need isn't so intense, it's an even more enjoyable experience. My son kisses my breasts, offers them drinks and snacks, brings them toys to BF and it's adorable. And anyone who has BFed a toddler will know how hilarious it can be when they do all sorts contortions and daft positions when nursing!

OP, just ignore those women. Apart from the fact that they are medically wrong, the very fact that they would treat another person like how they did you means that their opinions are worthless. You go on Bfing your DD as long as you both like. Oh, and WTF about the childminder?! That's disgraceful.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/12/2012 22:35

I'm shocked. Not at you OP; what you're doing is normal and recommended, but I'm seriously shocked that so many people on here disagree with it and that the women you encountered were so rude.

DS is 16mo and still BFs several times a day. TBH, I don't feed him in public often any more, but I would be really cross if someone suggested to me that I shouldn't do so. In fact, he was upset and whining in a cafe yesterday so I gave him some 'mummy milk' (twee yes, but distinguishes it from the formula/cows milk he has from his dad or at nursery) and heard "Thank god for that" from the table next to me Grin

cbeebiesatemybrain · 03/12/2012 22:35

Yanbu at all and I'm really shocked by some of the views expressed here. I bf on demand until my ds was 22 months (when he self weaned) and never had a single comment or stare. He wasn't the oldest child I've seen breastfeeding either. I live in a very hippy place so that probably makes a big difference but its really Sad that you were made to feel uncomfortable for attending to your child's needs.

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/12/2012 22:36

Yes squeakytoy and we are entitled to point out your opinion has no real basis at all, many of your comments are baffling, invalid and just strange - you seem to have a real chip on your shoulder about bf and your desparate need to come on these threads to share your dislike of bf says a lot about you and not in a good way but hey ho, whatever.