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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have fed my baby here?

999 replies

ariane5 · 03/12/2012 11:08

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
kickassangel · 03/12/2012 20:24

So, if the op had found somewhere in the shopping center where she could feed her kids quietly, THEN walked to the car, she may well have been even longer than by bf the youngest in the car.

Driving while you have a baby screaming can be very distracting so not a good idea either.

And even if she was being a bit U, still no reason for other people to yell at her.

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 20:24

MsElleTow - moved the car where? There was nowhere to move the car to, so she either feeds in the car or gets back out again and goes to find a cafe/bench to feed on.

MistressIggi · 03/12/2012 20:25

Nolittle I did not suggest they would be driving fast enough to be stopped by the police, I was referring to what might happen if they double-parked somwhere as you suggested to feed the baby.

I don't get the idea that the blue badges are only to be used for the sole needs of the person with the disability - by that I mean in practical terms. So my SIL takes my brother shopping (he is disabled). They look in shops for men's stuff - but if she wants to buy some tampons, she should go back out, move the car, and then return? Of course that won't happen.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:25

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf I might not be very nice IYO but so what. I just don't think that producing a DC or DCs with disabilities should nominate you for sainthood or allow you to do what you want regardless of others. My DM feels the same and has brought me up accordingly, to be proactive, do as much as I can for myself and not blame my problems on others. BTW not all people with disabilities are nice you know! Grin

diddl · 03/12/2012 20:26

If OP wasn´t in a blue badge space, I doubt it would have been an issue.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:28

MistressIggi, what you describe would be incidental to her helping your brother, unless the pharmacy was in a different city or something Hmm

SJisontheway · 03/12/2012 20:28

YANBU. 95% of posters agree with you - certainly the overwhelming majority. Try not to take to heart what a small minority are preaching. You do not sound selfish at all.

MsElleTow · 03/12/2012 20:29

Sam there must have been somewhere else in the vicinity, not necessarily in the car park, but within a couple of minutes drive.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:29

diddl, no it wouldn't have been because the 'normal' drivers would have just filled the bb spaces!!! Grin

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 20:32

Really MsElleTow? Have you not seen how busy it is on a weekend in the run up to Christmas - not exactly loads of car parking spaces. Bit much to expect a family with several children with disabilities, including a screaming hungry baby, to drive around a busy town centre in search of a parking space just so someone doesn't have to wait 10 minutes for a space. If I was the OP I would have got everyone out of the car and gone to a cafe rather than risk not being able to find anywhere.

MsElleTow · 03/12/2012 20:32

Probably not diddl because there are a lot more non BB spaces. Also, most people who are not disabled can get out of the car without having to open the doors wide, don't need extra room for walking aids, or wheelchairs and don't need to be near the shops or lifts!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/12/2012 20:32

Mselletow, why "must" there have been? If the multi storey car park was so packed, I'm sure that all other street parking etc was pretty busy on a weekend in December.

I think the OP acted in the interests of the blue badge holders by not getting them all back out of the car and into the shopping centre once the baby needed feeding but staying parked somewhere safe.

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 20:33

Presumably if the OP didn't have a blue badge she would have been sitting in a non-disabled parking space feeding her baby.

MistressIggi · 03/12/2012 20:34

In the city I live in everywhere is controlled parking - so to stop somewhere else would mean finding another (disabled?) space to park in! Don't know where op is. I would think it cruel to my baby to make him wait for a quick feed until we had found another place to stop. If feeding in cars was not possible, then I'd have fed in the shops, not made baby wait. So, end result, still no freed-up space.
Not sure what you mean about my SIL shopping being incidental to DB's needs - same is surely the case for these kids' sibling's need for milk.

MsElleTow · 03/12/2012 20:36

Yes, Sam I have seen how busy town centres are, hence why I don't go in the run up to Christmas because being disabled I can't cope with crowds and I need a disabled space otherwise I can't get out of the car!

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:36

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Op could have pulled up anywhere that it was safe, not necessarily a Parking space. SamSmalaidh: re walking round slowly, if OP wasn't in the car she couldn't and wouldn't have been expecting to move it!

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 20:38

And hence why the OP planned ahead and went early enough to get a parking space to accomodate the needs of her children.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/12/2012 20:39

The reason have such strong views on matters like this is because I get so annoyed by parents of DCs with SN who belief they are 'entiltled' to behave in a certain way because of it! I view myself as a 'person with a disability' and not a 'disabled person' so yeah I'm dead entitled me.

nolittle so you define yourself as a person with a disability,but your happy to refer to children with disabilities as dc's SN. Great bit of minimising,

How do you know what the impact of the baby screaming would have been on all of the passengers with a disability, how do you know if it would have had a impact or increased impact due to the disability all three of them have,you also don't know if the baby themselves who also has this disability could have been impacted more than a person without that disability by being hungry.

To decide a person is selfish based on information you don't have about a disability they do have is idiotic

Minimising someone else's disability by referring to it as sn whilst calling your issue a disability is also pretty piss poor

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:39

Again it's fine to make a baby wait for 5 mins, what if OP and her DP needed to attend to one of the older DC's, the baby would have to wait then. Kids are not the centre of the universe! Not mine anyway.

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 20:39

OK Nolittle, so it is just about whether other drivers can see the OP in the car. If she is out of sight, she can have the space all day, but if they can see her then even waiting 10 minutes is too much?

Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 20:40

Iam by no means selfish if there had been a 'normal' space nearby we could have moved but there Wasn't.w couldn't double park in the car park and it lads straight to a bust road many crossings and then dual carriageway so no option to evn stop nearby.the lady who shouted at me could prob see for herself there was nowhre we could move to-she just wantd us to leave 'immediately'.sorry spelling bad as on blackberry

OP posts:
MistressIggi · 03/12/2012 20:41

Yes but they didn't need to make the baby wait, and has been said a million times OP could have fed in the shops without anyone thinking they'd the right to shout at her.
Doubt it would have been five minutes tbh.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 03/12/2012 20:42

so. If she'd stayed inside and fed the baby, that would be okay, but because she came outside and fed the baby, it's not okay to some of you. Confused Either way, the space would not be available for others to use.

diddl · 03/12/2012 20:44

Thing is if a car park was full & I was in a non-disabled space & I wasn´t about to leave & said so-no one would be telling me that I had to & that the space I had paid for wasn´t for me to just sit in!

So why is acceptable to say that about a disabled space?

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 20:46

Sorry what is offensive about SN? the kids have 'special needs', as do I, but as an adult I have made a socio political choice and statement about how I define my special needs. I assume OPs have not so I did not make that decision for them so I think that your understanding of disability culture and politcs is 'pretty piss poor' TBH Sockreturningpixie. Also I have said that if OP was attending to a disability related need, as the scenarios you describe would be then that's fine, but she hasn't.