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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have fed my baby here?

999 replies

ariane5 · 03/12/2012 11:08

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 18:55

Where else should someone park/ go to the loo when out when the use a large elec chair? As I have already said, I have very limited bladder sensation and do not always know when I am going to need the loo, however, I could just be very stupid I suppose Hmm I never implied that the OP should stay at home in case of the needs of others, or certainly never meant to if I did. However, I do not think the difficulties OP has taking out her family have anything to do with this issue. Living with a disability is HARD I know! But you shoulld still be mindful of the needs of others. As for your point about realising a shopping centre of all places would be busy in the run up to Christmas, go figure, not sure what that is meant to add.

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 18:56

Should you not be mindful of the need of a little baby to be fed then?

baublesandbaileys · 03/12/2012 19:00

isn't it great when people just turn on each other rather than realising who the real enemy is! if you were to get held up/caught short because the wait for a disabled space is too long, it is because the car park provider didn't provide enough disabled spaces - THEY are the ones who need to be reminded to be mindful of people's needs!

Viviennemary · 03/12/2012 19:03

YABU and selfish to use the space that somebody else needed. It was a car park not a feeding station.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:04

Once again, I am not suggesting the baby was left hungry for a prolonged period of time, just a short while whilst the parents left the car park/ space and pull in at the side of the road somewhere. I am sure OP could have found somewhere to double park in a town reasonably quickly.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:05

VivianneMary have these on me Thanks!!!

diddl · 03/12/2012 19:05

Well if OP was paying by the hr-why shouldn´t she use it for whatever & as long as she wants-it´s not her fault that there aren´t enough spaces.

Would anyone have tried to oust her were it not a disabled space?

JuliaScurr · 03/12/2012 19:08

Anyway, the main point is - there aren't enough disabled parking spaces. Ever.

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 19:10

NolittleBuddhas - would it have been ok if the OP had sat on a bench and fed the baby before returning to the car?
How about feeding the baby in the car, then going back into the shopping centre to finish shopping?

DowagersHump · 03/12/2012 19:11

What you should have done was stayed in the shopping centre and fed the baby there - it's the only way to stop some people you're selfish - if they can't see you basically Hmm

CalamityJ · 03/12/2012 19:14

For me the question seems to be who decides who needs the space more? A mother feeding her child (who got there first) or another person wanting to park up and shop/do whatever they want to do with the space. OP got there first, still needed it and therefore had every right to keep the space. I don't have a blue badge but my understanding of the system is that it is designed to give those with disabilities an accessible place to park so they can do whatever they want. So that's what the OP was doing!

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:21

SamSmalaidh both of those situations would be fine, as if the OP was not in the car she wouldn't have been able to move it, in this scenario she could have. I don't this what if she was going to continue shopping point? if that were the case, she could have fed in the shopping centre --no diferent than a baby being fed from a Jar IMHO

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 19:24

It wouldn't have made any difference to people with disabilities waiting for a space if she took 10 minutes to feed in the shopping centre or 10 in the car though - they would still have to wait 10 minutes.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:25

CalamityJ babies need to be fed, BF or otherwise, regardless of SN so I'm not sure what your point is. From OP's details DS feeding is not effected by his SN-- apologies if I missed any reference.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 03/12/2012 19:27

The op is not the badge holder the older children are.The rules say that the badge is for the sole benefit of the holder.

Taken from the website of the The Disabled Motorist Federation :-

Do NOT use the badge to allow non-disabled people to take advantage of the benefits whilst you sit in the car.

The OP knows how hard it is to find a disabled parking place and should have moved once they were all back in the car to allow another disabled person to use the space.

Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 19:27

The shopping centre was too busy there was no space to sit down anywhere and the baby was screaming and overtired which in turn was upsetting dd2 and I was stressed so had to go to car

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 19:27

The shopping centre was too busy there was no space to sit down anywhere and the baby was screaming and overtired which in turn was upsetting dd2 and I was stressed so had to go to car

OP posts:
NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:29

SamSmalaidh: Yes they would have had to wait, but because OP was not there and so not able to move the car, rather than being too self centred to do so. I am not saying that I expect people to stop shopping/ eating and return to their cars.

takataka · 03/12/2012 19:32

cuddles you are taking that too literally. Obviously that doesn't apply here, as the badge holder can't actually drive the car.

Mins best interests, is clearly dcs best interest. This kind of situation, is not what that guidance was written for

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 19:37

So is the idea that people can only use disabled parking spaces in an emergency, and they must vacate them as quickly as possible? If thats the case I'm not sure why my local shopping centre has them at all - generally people are quite frivolous there - most of the shops sell things that you could perfectly well do without and there is an entire floor just dedicated to eating quite unnecessary food (sushi, muffins, pizza etc.)

I wonder what the other blue badge holders were doing? Some of them might have been hanging out at the gadget shop, or even just enjoying the novelty Christmas goings on in the main atrium. Surely this kind of activity goes beyond their basic needs?

Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 19:40

Tbh the way I saw it a bb space was not guaranted hence us trying to get there early to get on knowing it would b hard and that possibly we wouldn't get one and would hav to go home iam not so entitled as to expect somebody else to move like the lady who shouted at me.it is hard dealing with disabilities but a disabled space is a privelege not an automatic right we could have had to just go home if we hadn't gpot one but I wouldn't have blamed other bb holders.

OP posts:
NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:41

Actually, I agree with Cuddles. If DS SN have no implications for feeding, the info Cuddles cites applies. The badge is not for Op's benefit! Its is to make it easier for her children to experience as 'normal' a life as possible, by being able to get out more easily. If Ds SN effected his ability to Bf then it would be for his benefit and therefore valid.

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 19:41

It's my understanding that they don't hand out blue badges like lollipops. If the OP has a blue badge I would guess that her other children's disability/ies make it rather difficult to hang out in a busy shopping centre while feeding a baby or sit being beeped at while they double parks in the centre of town for 10 minutes on one of the busiest shopping days of the year.

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 19:43

I don't think the baby is the badge holder.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 19:44

merrymouse: I think you'll find that a lot of people who (ab)use the spaces like this have no entitlement, thus explaining why people like me and I'm sure OP on occaision, so Angry

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