to have fed my baby here?

[ariane5]

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

Well said eldritch.

I also find it extremely hard to believe that a person with difficulty judging the capacity of or sensation in their bladder, when they did find themselves desperate for a wee, would choose to drive into the multi-storey carpark of a shopping centre in the run up to Christmas so they could find a disabled space deep inside, get out and then go in search of the toilet rather than utilising their bb to park near to a pub or public toilet. Surely even if the urge came on suddenly as you drove into the carpark it would still be quicker to leave the car park and park somewhere near to a loo nearby than faff around trying to locate a parking space in a multi-storey and then a toilet in the shopping centre?

True, Goldmandra.

And at least if it is your bladder you still have the best information available as to its status even if it is not under full control, when it is a baby as the mother you can't really predict accurately when it will need feeding and especially not when you have a number of other demanding dc to concentrate on, it means you will likely only catch the baby's need for a feed at the last minute anyway.

OP you're not going to loose your BB over this!

"The terms of the blue badge I use (for ds) are quite clear in that if the disabled person is sitting in the car it is a breech of the conditions for the blue badge"

• that quite obviously refers to when the disabled person doesn't get out of the car and just waits there while others do! The children that the BB was issued for did get in and out of the car in the OPs situation

it was probably also essential for the other people who needed that space.
perhaps they wanted to go out and do something nice.
the op was just sitting in her car, she was not using the bb as intended.
it is bot a baby feeding space. it is a space to allow disabled people to go out and about. not to sit in a car.

Anywhere a baby is allowed to be, it is allowed to be fed.

it is a space to allow disabled people to go out

...which is exactly what they did!

When the family returned to the car should they also not have loaded the shopping, strapped the baby into the car seat, put on their own seat belts and folded up the pushchair? These things took time and were not for the direct benefit of the BB holder.

It is about drawing the line at where reasonable becomes unreasonable. Most people would say it is reasonable to stay for a short time to feed a baby. A few others would not agree and in this case some elements of this minority were rude and unpleasant in expressing their opinions.

Whatever the issue there are usually some dissenters on MN. The opinion of the majority should reassure the OP that she acted reasonably

offered, there aren't that many public toilets, let alone accessible ones to accomodate my chair, PA and awkwardly positioned lower limbs. Maybe, I should never go out in case the urge comes, and certainly not to a shopping centre as I am obviously too dense to plan around my condition. I reapt, IMO OPs situation had nothing to do with her DCs SN

*repeat

I just phoned 2 LA's who in my area issue bb's and actually asked the question.

I phrased it as the op's situation and the baby or mother not being bb holders and both informed me that as long as the bb holder/s are not being left in the car whilst other people go out and that is the reason for the journey then it is not a misuse, one also added but you sock are a bb holder so why are you asking,because many moons ago she used to be my admin assist and recognised my voice.

So I told her why she laughed at me and said who ever said its a misuse is scaremongering and probably a bit dim.

OP, the people criticising you are being unpleasant and silly.

I have a Blue Badge. There have been quite a few times where I have sat in the car, in a disabled space feeding DC3 (either before or after getting out of the car and going into shops/wherever). Usually takes about 10 minutes. She's older now, so I rarely need to do that any more.

But there are times where I check my phone for messages, fiddle about with the satnav to get it operational, turn around and give children in the back a stern talking to before we set off. Etc. etc. etc. I don't pull out of the parking space before I do any of those things.

(Actually I don't pull out of it at all, because my BB is for blindness, so it is DH who does the actual driving).

In order for your disabled children (who qualify for the BB) to go out and about, you as their carer must also care for your other children appropriately. If you could not do this, then your disabled children would never go anywhere.

Disability is a part of life, and people with disabilities need to live their lives. We need to be as considerate of others as anyone else. If you had a sensible option, I am sure you'd have moved your car a few yards to allow the other person to park. And that would have been kind of you, but not obligatory. But you didn't have that option. You did the best thing you could in the situation, and you should not be criticised for it in the slightest.

You sound like a lovely person, OP. I am really sad that you have been upset by this incident and some posters on this thread. I hope you can pay more attention to the (much larger number of) supportive voices. Your family deserve nice days out as much as any other, and the BB is there to help (in a very small way) with that.

As a person with 4 small children who often have to queue in busy ladies' toilets for a wee I am extremely aware of the lack of public toilets. The op's childrens' disabilities very definitely affect her ability to feed the baby in another place or at another time. This is a baby who, let us not forget, has the same condition the others do but does not yet have a bb. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect someone to manage their own bladder no, disabled or not, however it is quite a big ask to expect one or two people to manage the complex needs of four disabled children including some (all?) who are non-verbal...

The opinion of the majority should reassure the OP that she acted reasonably

That is not necessarily true. Some of us have blue badges and know the rules. You should not occupy a space for 15/20 minutes with everyone in the car, having no intention of getting out, doing something completely unrelated to the BB holder!

'having no intention of getting out'

You are factually incorrect MissElleTow. They did get out, and they had just got back in.

The fact that Op is worried about losing the BB suggests this and similar has happened before methinks... I never said she would lose the BB, but I would argue [based on my wide JP knowledge and research] that it italics could be seen as a misuse if reported.

MSElleTow is right and the LA's if you explained it without bias and artful tone of voice, Socks, would agree.

Exactly bedhopper, they had got back in and had no intention of getting back out again. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even dream of doing it. I think it is selfish!

behopper, they got back into leave, not return to the shops, so Ms is correct

Offered if you are so aware, why make it seem so easy?

She is worried because people like you are trying to frighten her deliberately and calculatedly saying one minute it is "knowledge" and another it is "opinion". It is very clear you do not understand about feeding or children and therefore are missing a huge gap in your "knowledge" which is essential to determining "need" not even mentioning that you don't actually know about the op's children's condition which is the most essential piece of info in determining the need. If you don't want to be scrutinised over which toilet you choose to use why do you get to judge the op's family on such limited information.

Feeding a baby is a necessary part of any shopping trip MissElleTow(if you have a baby, obviously, not suggesting childless people should go and find a baby to feed ). To take her DCs (with BB) shopping, the OP needs to keep the baby fed. As I said, I have a BB, and have fed my baby in my car when necessary.

I will go further. If the OP had a toddler who was caught short on the return to the car, she would be justified in staying in the BB space a few minutes longer while she whipped out a potty and got the toddler on to it. I have done this too!

Read the thread nolittle, others are suggesting she could lose her BB. You're like a dog with a bone.

btw, the existing BB would apply the baby's DX as well, so if he has no feeding difficulties as was suggested then Op should stilll have moved IMHO

Nolittle, the phrase in the BB guidelines about staying in the car is about the situation where the BB person does not get out of the car at all (ie the trip is actually for someone else's benefit). It is not for the case where the BB person sits in the car for a brief period before or after getting out

Woof woof!!! My points are still valid