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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to have fed my baby here?

999 replies

ariane5 · 03/12/2012 11:08

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 04/12/2012 01:22

Not if it was needed to prevent a issue with the bb holder she wouldn't

MollyMurphy · 04/12/2012 02:25

YANBU OP, nobody's business what your doing and getting out of the car to tell you to hurry up was rude and OTT.

BigBirdisSaved · 04/12/2012 03:38

I am the driver for a BB holder, and the booklet clearly states that the BB can only be used to meet the needs of the BB holder. Your baby isn't the BB holder. You aren't the BB holder. Therefore using the BB to continue to occupy a space to provide care to a non BB holder is against the rules,

That is like saying that as the driver of a BB holder if you go shoe shopping for you with the BB holder accompanying you that you should park in a regular space because the shoes are for you (which is silly).

It isn't who the errand or trip is for that makes it a BB moment (ma-gic mo-mements... anyone else fancying Quality street?), it is the fact that a BB holder is with you and using the space will make the trip more accessible. Being able to feed the baby while making sure the BB holders are safe makes the mall more accessible for the BB holder and the driver thereof.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 04/12/2012 06:46

To me, it seems that both the OP and the person queuing for the space had a reasonable case to be in the space and whether you think it's 60:40 in favour of the OP or vice versa is a matter of opinion. I would be awfully surprised if any official interpretation resulted in a judgment of misuse of the badge. Personally I think that interpretation would be more likely if she had moved to double yellow lines specifically to tend to the baby rather than simply staying a little longer in a space where they had been parked for the clear benefit of the BB holders.

merrymouse · 04/12/2012 06:50

I would imagine that there are many times when the parent of a BB holder has need of a disabled space to do something that is purely for their own personal benefit because they can't leave their child alone at home or alone in the car. As with children who don't require a BB, it is difficult to differentiate between the child's needs and the parent's needs.

Generally double yellow lines aren't painted on the road randomly. They are there because if you park there you are blocking traffic or parking dangerously.

Original poster
ariane5 · 04/12/2012 08:51

It is very difficult for me to try and explain my decision as to why we stayed in bb space without giving full details of all dcs medical problems which would for one take a while and I would feel a little uncomfortable doing so.they all have sam genetic cond but othr related problems to do with it and also sp issues they all have different needs it is very difficult to fully explain but be reassured it was the only option we had given our circumstances. I do hope I did not break bb rules I would be devastated if we lost bb because of an incident like this ever occuring again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 04/12/2012 08:51

It is very difficult for me to try and explain my decision as to why we stayed in bb space without giving full details of all dcs medical problems which would for one take a while and I would feel a little uncomfortable doing so.they all have sam genetic cond but othr related problems to do with it and also sp issues they all have different needs it is very difficult to fully explain but be reassured it was the only option we had given our circumstances. I do hope I did not break bb rules I would be devastated if we lost bb because of an incident like this ever occuring again.

OP posts:
Afrodizzywonders · 04/12/2012 09:18

Ariane5 please don't let these individual posters comments eat at you, honestly, everyone except a handful is with you which says it all. I cannot believe some of the posts on here that have had a pop, completely petty minded, it just got hijacked by people who were bored and out to stir if you ask me. You have done nothing wrong and the fact that you are now being scared about having your BB taken away is unforgivable, so please do ignore those comments.

You sound a very considerate person, any one I know would have waited for you to feed the baby and would have fully understood your predicament. My DS would never feed in a busy hectic environment so I'd nip to the car to feed him as well, plus it was more private, it's no one else's business it really is. You could have just been popping back to do that before embarking on round 2 of shopping.

No need to justify yourself, just realise there are people out there who are impatient and self centred who think they are more deserving than you are and thankfully to date you've not run into many of them. Not very nice people who will have a go at woman feeding her baby's who think you should park on double yellow lines FFS??? Or leave your baby cry because they can't wait. people who hijack a genuine thread for support as 'sport' - don't waste any more head space on these people, no one will take your blue badge away.

Goldmandra · 04/12/2012 09:20

There is no reason why you should explain any further OP.

The rules of BBs state that you are parking your car in a particular place for the benefit of the holder. You did exactly that. There is nothing in the rules which says that the needs of another family member may not delay departure from the space.

Your children need a family life. Part of family life is going on shopping trips together. If the needs of a baby could not be met appropriately on that trip your older children's need for a family life cannot be met.

There is no question that the badge would be removed for this as the requirement is that the badge is used in order to enable the holder to gain access to the facilities. That is exactly what it was used for. Nowhere does it state that the trip must not also meet any needs of others in the party.

Blue badges get withdrawn when people abuse them by brazenly using them without the holder present. You are clearly not the sort of person to do this. Don't let a couple of people who are up for a good old ding-dong cause you to doubt yourself.

aufaniae · 04/12/2012 09:30

Those of you who are saying the OP is BU -

Are you saying the OP shouldn't ever feed her DCs while on a shopping trip while using the BB to park?

What if she had gone to a cafe for example, to sit down and feed her DD? Do you have a problem with that? No one would have got upset then, as they wouldn't have known what she was doing but it would have taken longer!

It's totally illogical to say she can't feed her baby in the car, (not to mention staggeringly unkind) as it's the quickest solution by far. Unless you think that BB holders should only meet the need of the BB holder on a shopping trip, so no buying anything for anyone else in the group, for example? Also no stopping for a cup of tea, unless it's specifically the BB holder who needs one.

Is this how you think it should be?!

diddl · 04/12/2012 09:33

I´m still gobsmacked that OP paid for the ticket!

Why can´t she then do what she wants in the space that she is entitled to be in-like anyone one else who is paying for a parking space?

Original poster
ariane5 · 04/12/2012 09:34

Thankyou afro and gold. I just feel down about the whole thing we so rarely go out as a family because it is so so difficult and to be shouted at was just horrible. I am going to try and forget about it and keep looking at the photo of dcs with father christmas!

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 04/12/2012 09:34

Thankyou afro and gold. I just feel down about the whole thing we so rarely go out as a family because it is so so difficult and to be shouted at was just horrible. I am going to try and forget about it and keep looking at the photo of dcs with father christmas!

OP posts:
Afrodizzywonders · 04/12/2012 09:44

You do that, don't let it put you off going out like that again or feeding your baby in the car. You have done nothing wrong.

MistressIggi · 04/12/2012 10:03

I think it is despicable that anyone is putting the idea that you could lose your BB into your head, Ariane5. It is rubbish.
Follow anyone who has parked with a badge round the shops. You'll see their friends/family going to the toilet! Or buying a coffee to drink even if the BB holder doesn't want one! Or gazing into the window of a shop that the BB holder has no interest in! These must all be abuses of the BB system, if your action was.

diddl · 04/12/2012 10:06

Not only that-is was in the interests of the other children-including the BB holder that the feeding happened in the car.

MistressIggi · 04/12/2012 10:07

True, and also the baby's right to be fed is protected by law, unlike the right to a Starbucks.

mummytime · 04/12/2012 10:08

MistressIggi I love your post.
OP you were not BU!

Its Christmas, which as well as good will to all men, also means: stress, grumpiness, crowded car parks, and normally reasonable people totally losing it.

threesocksfullofchocs · 04/12/2012 10:43

I wonder what the posts would be like on this thread if it had been a P&T space

starfishmummy · 04/12/2012 10:51

The terms of the blue badge I use (for ds) are quite clear in that if the disabled person is sitting in the car it is a breech of the conditions for the blue badge.
So YABU

starfishmummy · 04/12/2012 10:56

I mean that if the person is just sitting in the car while it is parked. If they are just sitting in the car then they don't need a disabled parking space.

aufaniae · 04/12/2012 11:17

starfish but they weren't just sitting

They were doing something essential (and which is protected by law!) which needed doing before they left.

The alternative is for them to go find somewhere else to feed before coming back to the car, which would take longer. How does that make sense for anyone?!

EldritchCleavage · 04/12/2012 11:30

The degree of hostility or at least dismissiveness to babies and children (and their needs) shown by some of the posters who disagree with the OP is deeply unpalatable.

Realistically, if the very strict interpretation of the BB rules that some posters are contending for is correct, then OP and her DH probably can't ever go out as a family, with all 4 children, and use BB spaces to sort out the kids, which I'm guessing would severely limit their ability to go out together at all. For that to be the case for a family with 4 disabled children seems a complete nonsense to me.

And baubles and other posters who have pointed out the aggression is misdirected are absolutely right. There are too few disabled spaces, especially in private car parks. That ought to be a spur to solidarity and commiseration, even in the stressful run-up to Christmas, not an occasion for people with disabilities to fight like cats in a sack for what is there and be utterly horrible to and about a woman with FOUR DISABLED CHILDREN who just wanted a family outing, for once.

myfirstkitchen · 04/12/2012 11:36

YANBU

glad your DCs got to see Santa.

There are some right sour lemons about, who are very unreasonable and obviously have some really bad issues which are nothing to do with someone feeding their tiny child in a car who has 4 disabled dcs.

Please don't let these horrid psychotic gits put you off going out as a family!

Goldmandra · 04/12/2012 11:37

To be fair Eldritch, if there were no normal parking spaces for the OP to pull into to feed, the issue isn't lack of accessible spaces. It's just that this is a very busy time of the year and all parking is under pressure.

It would only be reasonable to direct criticism at the car park company if there are regularly plenty of normal spaces free while the accessible spaces are in short supply. If that is the case fair enough.