to have fed my baby here?

[ariane5]

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

And on this I am going to bed... we don't take it seriously? Do you mean the OP was joking? Wasn't upset? Hasn't got disabled children? Is a troll?
Or just that we shouldn't consider our responses to her question as being directed at a real human being who deserves some respect?

MistressIggi you've proved my point wonderfully, by revealing how seriously you take yourself! I still enjoyed it!

Goodness, you've actually managed to get my name right after about 1 billion posts. And in answer to your point, of course everyone is entitled to an opinion. All part of the rich tapestry and all that. But your rudeness at some points has been uncalled for.

Nolittle I suggest you go back and read the talk guidelines, not in the spirit of one who enjoys finding a loophole to justify their behaviour because that would be pointless. Perhaps you could look at the intention of the guidelines and acknowledge that there are those who are genuinely asking for affirmation and support on this forum.

There are regularly light hearted threads on here. Perhaps your need for sport could be fulfilled on those in future.

So were your patronizing attempts to tell me what I do!

Gold, I'm really not fussed TBH

Ryled up, I don't think I was rude to anyone TBH

Nolittle - do you have children? What research have you done into demand feeding, prolonged crying etc?

There's a fair body of research out there now showing that crying is a very lte sign of hunger in a baby and that ignoring baby's crying leads to some serious physiological effects, including raised intercranial pressure, raised blood pressure, blood flow changes, reduces blood volume to the heart, as well as the obvious overheating from exertion etc.

Then there's the fact that getting a stressed out screaming infant to latch and take a full feed is nigh on impossible, leading to a vicious cycle.

OP has said that this is a child with disabilities, with feeding issues. We don't know (because she rightly hasn't told us) what those are, but I'm struggling to think of any physical disability that's improved by being hungry and stressed out?

Do you feel better starving and stressed? Or do you have side effects? How long would they last?

Shall we contemplate the negative effects of listening to their sibling scream for half an hour - baby cries are designed to be stress causing to those listening to them. The eldest DD - prone to collapsing - would have been served well by that.

The OP did exactly what you say she should do - dealt with the needs of her children - her disabled children - first and did not look for sympathy from anyone. She's clearly and repeatedly stated that there was nowhere to move to, and nowhere to stop on her way home, so no other option.

If other BB holders had to wait, that's unfortunate, but perhaps they, like the OP, should have planned better. It's not her fault they didn't.

But, whatever the reason, whatever the rhyme, shouting at someone else in public, especially in front of their children is truly out of order. Now, you say you'd be nice if you'd been there, but you've been anything but on here. So are you only a rude, judgmental madam from safe anonymity or are you lying and are actually horribly rude in person, too??

The SN boards of MN are a phenomenal place - full of stunningly smart, generous women who face life with grace and compassion in the face of some astonishingly trying circumstances. Go, read, learn.

No, not patronising. You failed to back up your arguments and responded with rudeness instead. An attempt to muddy the waters no doubt. Anyway, I'm leaving this thread now and off for a wander round the vast rooms of mumsnet. I don't think theres much more to be said here and I don't want to get into a petty squable.

Welcome to AIBU by the way.

OP, I think it's fair to say you have the overwhelming support from people on this thread. Don't dwell on certain peoples posts who'se arguments were pretty crap and who chose to ignore whatever you said......they have come across pretty badly to the overwhelming empathetic majority.

Get yourself a nice cocoa and forget about this, I hope your children enjoyed meeting Santa......

Wouldn't it be nice to have a 'hide poster' button!

I have done no research into feeding and never claimed to have done, I never said I agreed with Op being shouted at. I am neither rude nor horrible and do a great deal of work into disability rights and awareness and know exactly how smart and generous people with disabilities are. Please don't ever patronize me like that again Ginnybags.

Would have linked, but didn't see the point as is all REALLY heavy and indepth, the stuff I have, takes hours to read. Thanks for the welcome!

Afrodizzywonders glad I produced such a reaction

Back to the OP....

You should not have been shouted at. That was wrong.

But, I am the driver for a BB holder, and the booklet clearly states that the BB can only be used to meet the needs of the BB holder. Your baby isn't the BB holder. You aren't the BB holder. Therefore using the BB to continue to occupy a space to provide care to a non BB holder is against the rules,

Your two children who are the BB holders were strapped in the car, their needs were met and that would not have changed regardless of whether you stayed or went. You didn't continue to occupy the space to provide them with care - you continued to occupy the space because you happened to be in it when your non BB holding child required care. This was unreasonable, and against the rules.

That said I do appreciate it was a difficult circumstance, and I can see why you did it. But as you said it was "not directly disability related" (or words to that effect) so you were being unreasonable to continue to use the space.

As for what you should have done instead - if you did want to use the BB you could have parked on double yellow lines, so you could have pulled over the minute you were out of the carpark. This would have been outside the rules as well, but it would have caused less problems and wouldn't have inconvenienced other BB holders wanting to use their badges within the rules.

I am sorry that you were shouted at, and sorry that you were put in this position. But when taken back to the very basics - the baby you were feeding isn't a BB holder so is therefore not entitled to use a BB space to have his needs met.

I am not going to berate you for it though, because I'm sure you were having a difficult enough morning as it is, and I'm sure most of us would have thought "just do it quick" too, and done as you did. I would have, although I would have moved the first time I was asked (whilst feeling horrible listening to my LO's indignant "I wasn't finished!" wails). You were understandably stressed and flustered, so personally I would chalk this one up to experience and move on.

Still think the other woman was wrong to have shouted at you though!

FFS - petty people.

I shall hide thread immediately.

Good post ginny

Your two children who are the BB holders were strapped in the car, their needs were met and that would not have changed regardless of whether you stayed or went

But that statements not true is it. If the op had strapped the screaming baby in and moved off, it quite well could have impacted on the two children who were BB holders. Only op knows if her unsettled screaming baby strapped presumably in the back with the other children would have had a negative/detrimental affect on her other two children.

CoolaYuleA - actually, I don't think this:
Your two children who are the BB holders were strapped in the car, their needs were met and that would not have changed regardless of whether you stayed or went. You didn't continue to occupy the space to provide them with care - you continued to occupy the space because you happened to be in it when your non BB holding child required care. This was unreasonable, and against the rules.
is true.

The OP's only other option would have been to get the children (including the BB holders) out of the car and go back into the busy shopping centre, sit them on the floor while she fed the baby. As at least one of the children is prone to collapsing, this wasn't a safe and comfortable option for them - sitting in the car was better for the BB holders and blocked the space for less time than going back inside would.

tittytittyhanghang, hear, hear!

Now try saying that 10 times fast :)

titty - you're assuming that it's not true. The OP hasn't actually said what disability her children have (and nor should she have to) but to state what I have said isn't true is an assumption. Having a disability doesn't automatically mean that a person will be upset by a baby crying and as they live in the same house as the baby, who the OP states cries when tired and hungry, it's unlikely to be an unknown sound to them, particularly the oldest (one of the BB holders) who has three younger siblings who will all have cried as babies. I suggested a move that would have taken a couple of minutes - I wouldn't expect anyone to do 25 minutes with a screaming baby. I've done it through necessity (we lived 45 mins from children's A&E and were told to take DD in - she screamed all the way) and it was horrendous.

Sam with a BB she did have the option of parking on any double yellow lines outside the carpark as long as they weren't loading. So saying her only other option was to go back inside isn't actually the case. She could have asked her DH to drive out the carpark, pulled over almost immediately, on double yellows if necessary (because BB holders are allowed to) and then fed the baby. The only difference being that the baby might have cried for a couple of minutes. No getting out of the car for anyone.

I totally agree that sitting in the car was better for the BB holders - my option doesn't suggest that they get out. The baby might have had a couple of minutes wait but the feeding situation for everyone else would have been the same. The only difference would have been the space would have been freed.

That's what I would have done if I was out with my BB holder and my DD needed feeding.

I would have been patient and waited.

What is the world coming too

But Coola, don't the same rules apply re double yellow lines ie if OP was parked there for something deemed not to be for the BB holders' needs, she shouldn't be stopped there. And if it is ok for her to be there for the sake of the BB holders, then it's surely ok for her to remain in her current space.

Or are the rules different re double yellow lines?

Coola as your insisting she misused the badge by parking in the bay why on earth would it not be a misuse to use it on a double yellow line for exactly the same thing?

And it's not misusing it unless the badge holder is being left in the car whilst the person who is not a bb holder goes off on a jolly. If all the people are in the car and its stopped whilst one person tends to the direct needs of another providing it either directly or indirectly contributes to the needs or comfort of the blue badge holder it's perfectly legal.

It's very obvious that the 2 bb holders in the car were having there needs met by not having to exit the car to find a suitable feeding place and not have to listen to the screaming.

I have several bb holders in my household inc myself I also have a baby at least 2 of the bb holders in my household would have extream problems being stuck in a car with a screaming baby one of them would quite possibly wet themselves or start trying to escape the car by kicking out ect. This would be as a direct result of her disability. For all we know it could be something that was relevant to the ops situation it's most certainly not a random strangers place to ask this the blue badge being correctly displayed should be enough.

Feeding was not disability related! and in RL babies have to wait sometimes, Op had other options if necessary. What about my need of and right to dignity sherry, do you not see that? It's sad OP finds things hard but she is not the only one and being a lactating mother to kids with disabilities does not give her the right to do as she pleases, anymore than my disability would give me the right to eat a sandwich in the car, whilst others were waiting, even though I struggle to eat 'tidily' because of it, and would feel more comfortable doing it in private. Also why do you think all people with disabilities have to be nice/ compassionate, we are not saints and nor should we be treated as such!

Your bb does give you the right to use the space even to eat your lunch. If you require your car to be parked to do so,its a correct use of a parking space by a bb holder

The rules are the same TheDoctrine - this was what I put in my first post:

"This would have been outside the rules as well, but it would have caused less problems and wouldn't have inconvenienced other BB holders wanting to use their badges within the rules."

The point I was making was that the OP wasn't entitled to use the BB for feeding her baby as the baby isn't a BB holder but if she felt the baby couldn't wait to get home to be fed, and that going back in wasn't an option and she was happy to use the BB to enable her to feed then there was an alternative which wouldn't have stopped other BB holders using their BB's within the rules.

I'm not saying it would have been right to do so, rather that it would have been a better "wrong" if the BB was going to be used outside the rules as it wouldn't have impacted on others.

I think another point that is worth mentioning is that if any of the people who asked her to move decided to report the OP (which I would hope they wouldn't because that's just petty) she could actually lose her two children's very necessary BBs because she was misusing them. There are consequences for not following the rules, and one of them is removal of BB. I doubt they would do it for one transgression, but the chance is there. My BB holder is terrified of this happening so is adamant we stick rigidly to every single rule hence why I have read the regs repeatedly.