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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have fed my baby here?

999 replies

ariane5 · 03/12/2012 11:08

Went shopping yesteerday.ds1. Jas a blu badge so we parked in a disabled space.went to shops and back to car couple of hours later. We have 4 dcs and the baby 7 mths started screaming and was hungry.by then the car park was packd. I started to feed ds while dh got other dcs in car and an elderly couple drove past and politely asked if we were leaving, dh said sorry not yet then 2 other drivers did the same but the fourth stopped got out and said please could we hurry up, I explained that when I had fed ds we would be going but she was really angry and said a disabled space is not just for sitting in that we should go immediately. I was only another ten mins fding ds it is hard enough going out as all dcs have same condition and ds2 was really screaming I had to feed him as it was a long drive home. Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 21:14

Nolittle - if the OP's children didn't have disabilities, then it may well have been possible for her to feed the baby sitting on the floor of the shopping centre out of sight of drivers. As they do have disabilities, she needed to feed the baby in the car. Isn't this kind of thing exactly what blue badges are for? To ensure people who are especially in need of a parking space get it?

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf · 03/12/2012 21:14

Do you know there is a law that allows women to bf anywhere unhindered. And they cannot be moved on. For example. Couple 2, unhappy with op hogging the bb space, go to car park management to complain. Car park management would be breaking the law to ask op to move.

Or does your disability trump ops right to bf her child in her own car, in a parking space she I'd entitled to park in??

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 21:17

You say pedantry, I call it trying to make sense of what you are saying. Can't think of a single verge near my nearest multi-storey, except in the middle of the 6 lane A road that runs past it. You are either paying for a space or you are parking illegally, possibly dangerously.

As far as I understand, as long as you pay for parking, most car parks aren't overly fussed about what you do in your car as long its legal.

Chunkychicken · 03/12/2012 21:21

Nolittle you say that the OP is BU because it could (potentially) stop another BB holder like yourself getting a space urgently as you may need to use the toilet suddenly? So, if she had been in the shopping centre, & therefore, still using the space, leaving no disabled spaces available, what would you do?!!! Clearly your disability has unfortunate consequences and I do appreciate that you are therefore entitled to the (relative) ease of parking closer to the entrance etc but how does it mitigate for there being NO spaces available? You state you can't use a "normal" space so I can see that you would have only 2 options if there were no spaces; go home, or piss yourself waiting for another BB holder to return to their car & vacate the space.

Why does your urgent need to use the toilet over-ride another BB's "need" to continue their shopping at their own pace? Which is essentially what you're implying, by suggesting that the OP not feed her baby when he needs it, you are saying their needs are secondary to yours. If she hadn't been doing something essential, then maybe be miffed, but how do you know that every other BB holder parked in those spaces is doing something essential?!!!

If you want to be annoyed, be annoyed at non-BB holders "waiting" in disabled bays or at the planners not putting enough spaces in...

OP YANBU at all.

Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 21:23

This is precisely why we rarely go out! It is just too difficult what with dcs problems, everywhere being so busy and people with no patience shouting.99 per cent of the time I order everything online it was mainly to take dcs to see father christmas that we went out Iam glad tbh that we don't have to go more often !

OP posts:
NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 21:25

I still say pedantry, and actually you can bring cases for wrongful use of blue badge spaces under the EA, same as with wheelchair spaces on trains, which is what I tell any moron who insists that their precious babykins has a right to sit in it even though I have booked and paid for my seat! Maybe your local multi storey is badly designed, many have pullover space, particularly where there is bb parking, in case of emergency/ illness on the way in or out.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 21:27

I have the world's smallest violin here for you OP, this was not a disability issue just one of you being selfish and entitled.

takataka · 03/12/2012 21:27

i think OP you need to develop a sense of entitlement, and a 'fuck you' attitude...you need to get the rage!! and dont feel obliged to explain your dcs needs. The blue-badge-giverers have deemed you worthy, and that is all people need to know

RyleDup · 03/12/2012 21:27

Good post chunkychicken. Summed up rather nicely there.

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 21:29

So it would have been better for them to block an emergency parking space that the space that they were legally occupying...

takataka · 03/12/2012 21:30

nolittle the OP has 4 children with health issues

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf · 03/12/2012 21:33

But this wasn't wrongful use of a bb! Unless you have any facts to back up your opinion that it is.

You are entitled to your opinion, as the rest of us are, I don't happen to agree with you, as does the majority of the thread. Yet you continue to argue your point as if we are all going to have an epiphany and completely change our minds!

And to suggest op uses "an incase of an emergency space" is really clutching at straws. It wasn't an emergency, there was no one ill.

However I wouldn't begrudge you using the emergency space if you were about to piss your pants. That is an emergency IMO. So there is your solution for future reference. And you thought that up all by yourself.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 21:35

ChunkyChicken, if there is no way to move the car from the space, then that is unfortunate, though in such situations we (me and PA) would find someone and ask them if we could leave the car to one side, go to the loo and then comeback. However, in this scenario I would have ask OP to move, I understand there are unavoidable situations when I can't get the loo and accidents happen, but as an adult I find it degrading and embarrassing and a reminder of the nature of my condition so I try to avoid them at all costs. I couldn't pee on a verge if I wanted to. Blush

Original poster
ariane5 · 03/12/2012 21:35

Thankyou to everybody who has been kind.I have to say I am quite hurt by the attitude towards me from nolittle-iam neither selfish or entitled and what does worlds smallest violin mean? Is that directd at my ds2?? Bit harsh Sad

OP posts:
YoHoHoAndABottleOfSherry · 03/12/2012 21:35

NoLittle you really can't see how saying "it's not a feeding park" is rude? Belittling the OP for wanting to respond to her small baby's needs? Implying that sitting comfortably in a car is somehow an inappropriate place to feed a baby - and perhaps that feeding a baby should only be done in some sort of "feeding park".

You're very keen for everyone to consider your needs, but you are utterly dismissive of the needs of a tiny baby, who is still at an age where nearly all his nourishment will be coming from milk. Saying things like "it won't kill the baby to wait 5 minutes" (you don't know how long he has had to wait while his family got back to the car, got everyone else safely strapped in, stowed everything in the boot etc etc - probably more than 5 minutes).

If you can't show any compassion or consideration for other people - other disabled people no less, who are just as entitled to use the BB space as you are - how can you expect them to show consideration for you? You're basically saying you don't care how much difficulty the family has to put themselves through, as long as they vacate their space immediately in case you need it.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 03/12/2012 21:36

But feeding is not a health issue for Baby ds as I've understood it, so it was wrongful use under the guidelines for the bb

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf · 03/12/2012 21:38

What guidelines! Link please because if cannot find anything online that suggest the op has misused the bb at all.

aufaniae · 03/12/2012 21:40

YANBU! Anyone who think you were is having a logic bypass!

Your baby needed feeding, before you drove away. Had you found a cafe to sit in for example, while you BF your baby, you would have taken longer but no one would have had any idea how you were spending your time.

I imagine feeding your baby in the car was probably the quickest way to get your baby fed and the car started. And anyway, there are no conditions on how fast you must shop or how, while in a parking space. (Can you imagine?! "No browsing, or chatting! Or stopping to feed your baby! Essential items only!")

Anyone who thinks you WBU is probably a bit dim really hasn't thought it through IMO.

merrymouse · 03/12/2012 21:42

Presumably going to the shopping centre and seeing father christmas wasn't a disability issue either. They could all have stayed at home and left the space free for somebody who apparently needed to use the shopping centre for a less frivolous purpose. [hmmm]

EasilyBored · 03/12/2012 21:42

Isn't it in the best interests of the OP's older children, not to have to sit in the car with a screaming hungry baby?

The OP hasn't done anything wrong. The person at fault here (other than some of the horrid people on this thread) is the shopping centre, who have not provided enough BB spaces for their customers. I would suggest writing a sternly worded letter to them, rather than shouting at the OP.

Sometimes I go to my local shopping centre for the sole purpose of window shopping and going for a walk with the baby if it isn't raining. I don't give a rats muff if I am taking up a space that someone else needs/wants. Thems the breaks. Leave the house earlier.

EasilyBored · 03/12/2012 21:43

If it is raining, rather.

SamSmalaidh · 03/12/2012 21:44

Nolittle - but having the other children (including the badge holder) safely in the car rather than for eg. sitting on the floor in a busy shopping centre while the baby is fed is a health issue.

takataka · 03/12/2012 21:45

dont be so fucking ridiculous nolittle OP said at least one of her children are liable to collapse..caring for a tiny baby has a knock on effect on the rest of the family of course...drag them back into the shopping centre/drive them round looking for a fecking 'verge' to stop on, when they might need feeding??? Hmm You have no idea what *OPs kids needs even are...how dare you say she is 'entitled'

its not like she just pulled into the space to feed baby is it? that time could equally have been spend strapping other kids in/loading up bags...in fact OPs OH was doing this whilst Op was Bfing baby...other shouty woman was an impatient entitled arse

takataka · 03/12/2012 21:47

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RyleDup · 03/12/2012 21:47

I can't see anywhere in the guidelines that says that is wrongful use. Op is using the car to keep her children who have disabilities safe.

we have a double buggy a single and have to watch dd1 very carefully as she often collapses it was just too busy for us inside the shopping centre and ds2 was v grumpy

The baby needed feeding. The children who are entitled to the badges are in the car, being kept safe in a contained environment, whilst the baby was being fed. The op had payed for the space, and it was still in use. End of.