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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that larger families should be classed as 4 dcs or more?

77 replies

notnagging · 03/12/2012 09:03

The larger families thread is meant to be for families with alot of children. I have bookmarked it as a favourite topic but it seems mostly about going from 1-2 or 2-3. It's all people asking advice. 3 children is not a large family, I have 5 which I don't particularly see as large, 15 is large. The amount of times I've heard '5?! I can't cope with 2'. That doesn't need to be repeated over and over on a larger families forum.

OP posts:
WiseKneeHair · 03/12/2012 10:26

People's definition of a large family is often one more child than they have. I have 3 DC and don't see that as large, however, the thought if four makes me Shock
Surely, however, there is nothing stopping you starting a thread about your family, OP?

Tailtwister · 03/12/2012 10:30

I suppose it depends on your personal experience. A lot of our friends have gone on to have 3 and that seems like the most popular number around here. The largest family I have personally known was 5 and that was considered large at the time (70's/80's).

libelulle · 03/12/2012 10:30

because you sounded utterly dismissive of problems such as deciding whether to have a third child or how to fit three car seats into a car, as if they were somehow unfitting topics for a 'large families' board. That sounded mean and unpleasant, sorry but I don't see how else to interpret that comment.

I post a lot on the prematurity boards because my son was born at 26 weeks. Your comments to me are akin to me going there and saying 'oh no, this board is overrun with comments from parents of 36 weekers, this is not on and the board should be reserved for those with babies born under x weeks'. That would not be acceptable, so why should it be ok to imply that the larger families board should be reserved for families over a certain size? It isn't, and to suggest otherwise IS oneupmanship.

Northernlurker · 03/12/2012 10:32

The logistics start to get more difficult with three dcs onwards. I have three. I don't think of it as a large family but it's certainly not small either Grin
I think this thread is unecessarily snippy tbh.

Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 10:38

We are not talking about premature babies though. You wouldn't post to say what's it like there would you? It's completely different.

OP posts:
Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 10:40

I agree northern lurker. It's a shame it's ended up like that

OP posts:
flowery · 03/12/2012 10:40

"I would love to go on there and get some advice for once rather then giving it. "

Well you're not forced to give advice on any thread, so don't if it's becoming too much.

What's stopping you asking for advice, or are you not getting help when asking?

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 03/12/2012 10:45

Flowery the problem is asking for advice most replies are along the lines of "you have too many kids " or " I don't know how you cope" I was once told I was "fucking selfish" for making my kids share a room Grin

libelulle · 03/12/2012 10:49

It was a direct parallel, let me spell it out. You want to reserve the board for people with a certain number of children, implying that having less than this does not qualify as a 'large' family. This is exactly like me saying that I want to reserve the prem board for parents of babies less than x number of weeks, implying that being born after this is not a 'proper' prem. It's the same.

To me, 3 kids is a large family, therefore that qualifies to post on the board, even if the problems are not the same as having 15 kids. Likewise, 36 weeks IS a prem baby even though the issues and worries are very different to 26 weeks. It is not a competition.

And actually people do often post on the prem boards to ask about what it is like having a prem baby if they are in the position where they might be having one in future or know someone who is having one. Why should they not? Most of the mn boards ARE about asking advice from those able to give it, I don't get why this is a problem. If you don't want to give advice, then don't, and if you have a problem you need help with, then why not post about it?!

libelulle · 03/12/2012 10:49

Well if you don't like the answers you are getting, that's a different issue. But it's got nothing to do with people posting about the problems with having 3 kids.

Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 10:50

I agree dcs. You ask for advice and someone will chip in with 'dont have so many then' or like earlier ' no wonder Britains overpopulated'.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 03/12/2012 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontHaveAtv · 03/12/2012 10:58

I have 7 children and yes that is a large family, but it doesn't feel like it to me because Im used to it. I can see how someone with 3 children face some problems like needing a bigger car, so can't see the harm in posting questions about it.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 03/12/2012 11:00

I don't get why the OP thinks its her decision to choose what is a larger family.

If you feel you have a large family then crack on. MNHQ haven't put a number on it. Why should anyone else.

I have 2, never been on the larger family board. If I were to have another that would be a large family to me.

Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 11:05

I didn't say it was my decision. I also said I have 5 & I didn't see that as large. I shouldn't have posted on aibu, I forgot that it tends to get like this.

OP posts:
BarbecuedBillygoats · 03/12/2012 11:05

I have 4 and feel I have. Small large family. I have friends with 8,9,10 though

I think 4 or more counts though because that's the point things tend to change. Bigger car, people commenting etc

OwlLady · 03/12/2012 11:07

I don't know how people afford more than 2. I have 3
can't afford them:o

Pandemoniaa · 03/12/2012 11:08

I can see where the OP is coming from but equally, don't think it is helpful to get overly-prescriptive about who qualifies for certain sections of the board. To me, having a third child would have felt like having a larger family. It would certainly have meant quite significant decisions would have been necessary about bigger houses/childcare/work and transport.

On the other hand, I had a friend who had 13 children and she was very scathing about anyone with less than 8 children claiming to have a large family. But sometimes, the practical advice you want is as applicable to 3 as it is to 13.

BalloonSlayer · 03/12/2012 11:13

Well I have 3 DCs, which is more than most of my friends and family. I know a couple of families with 4, and one with 5.

I do not consider 3 to be a large family. I'd say 5+

I'd say 3 DCs is quite a small family actually.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 03/12/2012 11:15

I only felt like I had a large family when I had five (I have six now)

When I had three it seemed really small! Even now I sometimes look at them altogether and think, 'nah there's not that many of them really' Grin

Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 11:18

I do the same May, especially when it's quietSmile

OP posts:
HopeForTheBest · 03/12/2012 11:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

libelulle · 03/12/2012 11:23

But your thread title was 'to think that larger families should be classed as 4dcs or more?' - what is that if not you deciding what a large family counts as?!

Someone has a large family if they think they have a large family. To some that might be 2, to others 15. It is no-one else's business to decide that, and certainly not to dismiss their problems or argue that they shouldn't be posting just because you don't think they 'qualify' as a large family.

Original poster
notnagging · 03/12/2012 11:37

Okay libelulle. You win if that makes you feel better. I don't see the need for a fight. Especially as it was left & you keep going back to it again & again. I don't think it's necessary but as you say that's just what I think. I was asking for people's opinions not saying I ruled mumsnet. If that was the impression I gave then it was not what I meant. Sorry for any confusion caused.

OP posts:
libelulle · 03/12/2012 11:40

I wasn't up for a fight either, and I'm sorry if I started one. I have a friend with 6 and it does feel with her like no-one else's problems with their children can possibly be anything compared to hers, so that is why your thread hit a raw nerve!

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