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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for DS who was 21 today and got.....

115 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/12/2012 23:16

from us - he has a nexus 10 but its a combined xmas/birthday pressie so he has decided to have it on xmas day.

we have no family. not a one on either side. so im usually very thankful that my friends buy for him. Ive always said they dont need to, and he is now 21 so really it should stop.

really it needs to stop - my friends gave him:
friend 1. a xmas bag which contained various items of smart price/value food - including a smart price pot noodle. a fucking value pot noodle. please - if you cant afford a real pot noodle dont fucking bother....and i had told her that i buy his food.
friend 2. a matalan body warmer. too small and dog turd colour. now ive never quite seen the point of body warmers anyway - where are the sleeves???? what good is a coat with no sleeves anyway? no tags in so suspect it may not be new....and it doesnt even fit me or id have nicked it for horse riding.
friend 3. something useful. a fiver. god bless her.

so. IABU for being an ungrateful cow probably. but really - i find some of this slightly insulting.....id rather they didnt bother tbh than put this little thought into it.
the fiver was very gratefully received - he is a student.
the value pot noodle im Angry at. irrationally so. i buy their kids nice things - wooden stamp sets, hmv vouchers, not fucking value pot noodles.....my poor boy. luckily he is gracious and accepting. he has AS and is lovely. unlike me. im not lovely. im pissed off.

i need more Wine

OP posts:
Narked · 03/12/2012 00:53

If you wanted, we could all send pot noodles to your friend Grin

CuriousMama · 03/12/2012 00:56

Narked great idea, I'm in Grin

Yes I can imagine if you told ds that a stranger from a website wants to send him a painting he'd think Confused but if he would like one I'd like to do it. I haven't picked up my paint brushes since doing that painting Blush

He has a lovely mum and he sounds adorable.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 03/12/2012 00:59
Grin

and thank you narked Thanks for the pm....

nest of vipers my arse. Grin

he has his nexus tablet to look forward to....he cant wait to get his mitts on that, and he has lots and lots of chocolate! he is quite happy!

OP posts:
pookamoo · 03/12/2012 00:59

Well maybe not chocolate then - but he sounds like a lovely DS and I'm glad he has a nice girlfriend and other friends of his own who care.

When I went away to Uni, my aunt was at that time working as a consultant surgeon (and single, no kids, just herself to look after) and not short of a penny or two. She gave me a hamper to take to Uni. Value pasta, value toothpaste, value toilet roll, value cornflakes, and yes, a value pot noodle. Thanks, Auntie. Hmm

When young friends of mine have gone off to university, I have made them a shoebox of bits and bobs with a sense of humour and some useful things in there (paracetemol, pro plus, condoms, tin opener, stamps, spare pants... you get the idea). It really sounds like your friends missed the mark.

But in the meantime, congratulations on being the mum of a real "grownup"! Grin

pookamoo · 03/12/2012 01:00

xpost with Narked. I'm in on that - think I might still have Auntie's one from 1996 at the back of the cupboard. Wink

RudolphTheRedNosedTapir · 03/12/2012 01:02

Value pot noodles Narked? I'm in!

Give him a big 21st birthday wish from the Tapir tribe north of the border then, please Vicar. Thanks

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 03/12/2012 01:03

thanks

im getting my perspective back. slowly im fine really and so is he. he doesnt drink, he isnt really typical of a 21 yr old, but nor is he questioning why anyone bought him a smartprice pot noodle so i reckon he is a better person than me!

cheers guys. Wine

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 03/12/2012 01:11

ooh, this thread has reminded me to parcel up and wrap a box i've been saving up for my Dcousin who left for uni in sept. she loves the chicken flavoured mccoys so i save them out of the multipacks and now the box is full so i have to send it. i could just imagine her face if i sent smartprice ones! Grin

IfYouCanMoveItItsNotBroken · 03/12/2012 01:15

What a shitey gift, for the sake of the few quid it cost, surely a bottle of wine or a funny mug would have been a more thoughtful option. My mum used to give me rubbish like that when I was a studentand had no money left at the end of term, apparently I would have spent the cash on vodka but if I had been presented with that as a 21st gift I would have struggled to hold my tongue. I'm not ungrateful. I love getting cheap or handmade gifts which show someone has thought of you. But that amount of "thought" in a gift is offensive to receive and embarrassing to give. If you put that amount of effort into their kids presents would they care? I suspect so. Your son sounds lovely.

MyNutcrackerSuiteAudrina · 03/12/2012 01:38

Bloody hell, OP, that is terrible. And I thought I was hard done by with the over-sized brass key I got for my 21st which was neither use nor ornament.

Interestingly, an image search for "large brass 21st key" produces this as a result which makes me feel a bit more grateful.

Have more Wine

ll31 · 03/12/2012 01:48

i dont know,is this the son you give out abouta lot? is it down to that?

cynnerthenaughtyreindeer · 03/12/2012 01:57

I feel terrible for your DS, Vicar. I have a dd who has a Christmas Day birthday. Relatives often present a gift and say this is for your Birthday and Christmas. She is also lovely about the situation, but I get pissed on her account.
I do not present their child with a gift in July and state " Happy birthday and Merry Christmas!".

DaveMccave · 03/12/2012 01:57

He's 21 not 12! It's pretty odd that YOUR friends buy for him tbh.

For my 21st I got nothing, and didn't mind a bit because I was an adult and certainly didn't feel sorry for myself, a few cards was enough.

I agree the pot noodle present is a bit crap, what else was in the food bag?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 03/12/2012 04:04

cynner are you serious? do you honestly expect people to go out and buy two separate presents and wrap them both to hand over to the same child on the same day? how do you know they aren't spending twice as much on the one present to make up for what they would spend if her birthday was in july and a present at xmas? you sound greedy TBH.

and of course you dont present the child with a present in july and say merry xmas. it's not xmas in july. but it IS xmas on xmas day!

CheerfulYank · 03/12/2012 04:23

CuriousMama that is an amazing painting of Roland!

I would do what zipzap said and ask for the receipt for the bodywarmer. Then you can get him something he'd actually use!

cynnerthenaughtyreindeer · 03/12/2012 05:17

Oh FFS Santa..I do expect relatives to acknowledge my child's birthday and Christmas as being two separate celebrations.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 03/12/2012 05:23

they do acknowledge it. they say "this is for your birthday and christmas"

it is greedy to expect 2 presents from one person on the same day. if they were a month apart you would have a point. what is the problem with spending double and getting one far better present?

MyBaby1day · 03/12/2012 05:30

A pot noodle? Shock, that is unbelievable, so sorry for your DS, some mean people around!. Still hope he had a nice 21st and he'll enjoy the future with his mates!!. x

Coralanne · 03/12/2012 05:32

I agree with you. Even though he is 21 he is still your "baby" and I know I would feel so sad if anyone gave things like that to my DS.

You sound wonderful as does your DS. Wish him a wonderful birthday.

Coralanne · 03/12/2012 05:38

Santa my DGD's birthday is on the 16 December and yes I have bought her a birthday gift "La La Loopsy" and accessoriesGrin, wrapped it in birthday paper. A birthday card and I will also have a helium filled balloon ready for her.

Christmas day she will get a christmas present wrapped in christmas paper.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 03/12/2012 05:43

16th of december isn't christmas day though. even if it was, it's your choice to buy her two things. I think it's greedy to expect two things and get annoyed when this doesn't happen.

Coralanne · 03/12/2012 05:48

Don't you think that everyone deserves to celebate their special day?

Even my friend's DS who celebrates is birthday on boxing day (28 this year)
gets two presents from me and a birthday cake. I have known him all his life and I love doing this for him.

He gets his Christmas present on christmas day and his birthday present on boxing day.

Coralanne · 03/12/2012 05:50

Occasionally over the years I have given him a more expensive gift because I knew that that was what he wanted but always on his birthday something small plus a card and cake.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 03/12/2012 05:57

who is saying they cant celebrate their birthday? i'm guessing any parent of a child born on xmas day, get's them cards and a cake and sings happy birthday and get's them a birthday present. expecting other people to provide 2 presents for a child on the same day is grabby IMO. fine if they want to, but if they dont you shouldn't get annoyed with them. it's up to the giver what they buy and how much they spend on a present for someone else. i'd be really pissed off if i'd doubled up and bought one really good present for a child only to find out the parents expected another separate one.

YouSeveredHead · 03/12/2012 06:18

Choosing to wait til Xmas for his present, thrilled at 'only' a card from his girlfriend and gracious in revving a pot noodle wannabe? Well done for raising a lovely young man

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