to feel sorry for DS who was 21 today and got.....

[ThatVikRinA22]

from us - he has a nexus 10 but its a combined xmas/birthday pressie so he has decided to have it on xmas day.

we have no family. not a one on either side. so im usually very thankful that my friends buy for him. Ive always said they dont need to, and he is now 21 so really it should stop.

really it needs to stop - my friends gave him:
friend 1. a xmas bag which contained various items of smart price/value food - including a smart price pot noodle. a fucking value pot noodle. please - if you cant afford a real pot noodle dont fucking bother....and i had told her that i buy his food.
friend 2. a matalan body warmer. too small and dog turd colour. now ive never quite seen the point of body warmers anyway - where are the sleeves???? what good is a coat with no sleeves anyway? no tags in so suspect it may not be new....and it doesnt even fit me or id have nicked it for horse riding.
friend 3. something useful. a fiver. god bless her.

so. IABU for being an ungrateful cow probably. but really - i find some of this slightly insulting.....id rather they didnt bother tbh than put this little thought into it.
the fiver was very gratefully received - he is a student.
the value pot noodle im at. irrationally so. i buy their kids nice things - wooden stamp sets, hmv vouchers, not fucking value pot noodles.....my poor boy. luckily he is gracious and accepting. he has AS and is lovely. unlike me. im not lovely. im pissed off.

i need more

[Coralanne]

Point taken. I have never come across any family or friends who would get annoyed with only present. I just happen to like the excitement of shopping for birthdays and then Christmas.

Paradoxically I have never ever liked been the centre of attention on my own birthday. I can still remember how mortified and embarrassed I ws on my 10th birthday when the Teacher had the whole class singing happy birthday to me.

I think this was because my Mum (who was a divorced working Mum back in the day when it was extremely unusual) never really made a big production of birthdays.

She went all out at Christmas though.

[Coralanne]

only one present

[blueballoon79]

I have a friend like that.

She is most definitely not short of money but just tight with it.

We used to buy each other birthday presents. I'd generally spend around £20 and then send it over to her address at a cost of a further £6.00

In return, for my birthday, she'd send a card filled with samples of face cream, body lotion and perfume that she'd ripped from the front of magazines and collected especially. Lucky me!

For DS' birthday she sent a £1.00 gift voucher for WHSmiths one year and a bag of plastic soldiers from Woolworths another year with the price tag of 79p still on them.

Every year it would just be terrible presents with no thought and I got more and more fed up with her embarrassing tight fistedness.

However, I finally stopped buying for her when it was her daoughters 1st birthday and I saved up and bought a Hungry Caterpillar money box which cost me a fortune and posted it up to her at the cost of about £6.00 again, only to receive an e-mail saying "Thank you for the present, it was very sweet but you shouldn't have as I know you don't have any money. Very Kind".

I just decided then and there not to buy anything for her again.

[Jemma1111]

Vicar , if I were you there would be no way I would give your friends presents after this !
What thoughtless tight bastards they are !
I would also be livid and would probably have to ask wtf a pot noodle was a good idea to buy for your child , how insulting .
It just shows they can't be true friends .

[Slainte]

Vicar, I agree with zipzap, ask for the receipt for the gilet so that you can change it to his size. Watch her squirm out of that one

Please don't be so generous with gifts for their DCs. As another poster said, a couple of small items from Claire's accessories will delight the children.

[ohfunnyface]

Vicar I'll buy the pandora charm from you! Full price!

[blackeyedsusan]

all they can afford? you can get a box of chocolates for a pound from asda.

glad he got home, hope he gets back alright.

[YuleBritannia]

Just out of interest, OP. Why is it any of your business what person A gives to person B when you are person C? Unless you are person BC.

[mum2threesons]

Morning, there's no way after what they gave your lad I would give them the gifts you have already bought.
Can you take them back or like some other people have said resell on Ebay or even give to charities or local school for a raffle prize? Then buy them something of equal 'thought'?
Happy birthday to your son.

[BelaLugosisShed]

These people are your friends? I'd be embarrassed to do what they've done, it's cheap and nasty and more than a little bit spiteful.

I'm glad he came home though

[Doingthedo]

It wasn't just a pot noodle, it was a bag of other food including a pot noodle, not quite the same as a lone pot noodle wrapped up!

[melika]

In my eyes, after 18, relatives kids get nothing. They are adults. They must learn to make money.

On the other hand, if there was a party, say for their 21st, I would try to buy them a great present or money. I had an 18th party for my DS and there were some family who didn't even bring a card. What arseholes, it's not like they can't afford it!

I would be pissed too, maybe you should tell your friends it stops at 18.

[ThatVikRinA22]

Who asked what else was in the bag... There is an everyday value pit noodle, everyday value pasta, everyday value savoury rice, a spaghetti sauce mix, some biscuits. and some wine gums. An eclectic mix of the very best value products going by the look of it.
It's fine and I can laugh about it today. He has gone back to uni but is calling with flowers for his gf who he says is feeling a bit down. See? He is actually the least materialistic person I know. I think we've reached the milestone at which present buying among my friends stops anyway - the bodywarmer pals son is same age, so it all stops this year. I'm fine now. Just had a little ranty moment last night, but only on here and in my own head. I will continue to buy for them and theirs as I've always done.
Sympathies to the parent of the kiddie with a Xmas birthday... birthdays should be separate!

[PassTheMincePies]

FFS, just read through all this and the way everyone's making out, I completely thought it was a lone pot noodle wrapped up in paper! Which would be a bit of an insult
As part of a hamper/food parcel though? What's wrong with that? Maybe she thought she was doing him a favour as he's a student, and putting together some staple student food, kind of like the Christmas hamper things that some people do at Christmas for their relatives?
If it was part of a collection of foods, maybe she wanted to do that and just didn't realise it had to be Harrod's/Waitrose insert fancy name here finest food label only.

[PassTheMincePies]

Cross post, take too long to type! Still sounds like a collection of foods for a student though

[ThatVikRinA22]

Yes a collection of foods for a student, but I'd already told them I buy his food. I still think that a few value packets of rice n noddles Is a bit crap for a 21st but if iabu I will happily accept that. I'm over it today anyway. He had gone back to uni and left here anyway...he is home for Xmas in a week.

Unfortunately there Is nothing in it he would eat ( cept maybe the wine gums) I'm sure we will find some use for it or give to a food bank.

[melika]

Ha ha, theshriekingharpy, that would get message across! but I think the friendships wouldn't last too long after that.

[HullyEastergully]

I think you are mixing up feeling sorry for him because he didn't get many presents (because he chose xmas), with being cross with the friends.

I think the foods from one friend sound just what most people would think a student would appreciate, and she probably DID put thought into it and couldn't think of anything else.

The bodywarmer is a bit more odd.

Tbh, if it were my dc, I would have got bits and peieces to make up for a likely lack.

[LaCiccolina]

I don't understand at all. His 21st birthday crept up on everyone? He sounds happy with ur gifts so what's the issue? Are u cross the gift shopping bag was value food so if it had been waitrose it would be ok? I thought it a nice idea. I got a bit of that when a student and found food always welcome...? It's not nec a 21st birthday gift ie silver key to the door, but what bloody use is that? And why should someone else buy him a 'to b remembered' type present if urs is a joint Xmas one? Bit double standards there. Hope the wine helped u calm down. As u say gifts change or stop at this age. He sounds a lovely boy so well done there. He sounds happy and sorted so at 21 all u can ask for! Hope week goes better...

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

A few basic items of food sounds as though she was trying to be helpful and practical for your student DS - as someone said though perhaps idea could have been better thought through - such as throwing a few beers in with it all, and putting it in a wee hamper, perhaps with a student cook book ?

[Latara]

If i knew a 21yr old lad i'd buy him:

a box of mini toblerone or other 'man' chocs; with alcohol but i'd find out what he prefers first (usually Stella or similar?).

or if i was spending more then eg. a Superdry beanie (£14.99, my Dad may receive one for Xmas).

Your friends need telling - buy decent stuff or don't bother.

[Latara]

Or an itunes voucher, a Waterstones voucher for student books etc.

[Latara]

Ps. not wanting to make you feel bad but i'm pretty skint & i gave my sister some nice pressies last week (her birthday), & buying some for Xmas too, just not spending so much on the Xmas pressies.