to be pissed off with DHs depression

[CheeryCherry]

So sick of it today, can cope going everything during the week, its become the norm. But it is sending me round the frigging bend doing everything while he lies in bed til tea time on a weekend. We've no money, tons of debt, having to put the house on the market in January but can't find anything we like. Feeling cross with myself for envying my friends who are out and about, booking holidays/concerts/weekend breaks....enjoying themselves. Whereas I just hold the fort and stay in. Want to just cry all day but have too bloody much to do! And DCs getting excited for Christmas, and I just feel pissed off.

Another one here with a depressed DH who drives me mad sometimes: 4.5 years and counting. He's on ADs and sees a CPN every 2 weeks. No progress that I can see. Works full time, doesn't sleep well, often takes to bed on Friday straight after work saying, "leave me alone I want to die." Has attempted suicide and insists he will do it. He's very withdrawn and grumpy. Talks only about himself. Tried to tell him how his behaviour makes me feel: he says he can't help it "Sorry, but I ...". Does any of this sound familiar? Then vent away! It's what MN is for. You have it worse than me - my DCs are away from home. Take care of yourself, it's important.

emess I don't think you can say i have it worse, 4 and a half years is seriously long haul. You poor things, are there any alternatives for him, different meds, different therapy? I guess you'll have tried many things. My heart sinks to think it may all go on anywhere near that long. I guess you do your own thing on a weekend then, if he hides away?

Oh OP that sounds a familiar story. As much as I know being told to pull yourself together isn't helpful or useful from experience I found that not pussy footing around and enabling my DH to stay in bed and be a selfish git actually helped.

It is hard as you have said you have talked about the children seeing him and this didn't appear to help. Regardless of getting his medication tweaked etc have you tried saying to him that you NEED him to do by and not giving him the option? Or that you're going out for a walk and he needs to come along to help you with the kids? Or split the kids up if you think he would find more than one too much at the moment?

I bet he stays up late as well doesn't he ....... could you try and get him to bed earlier so he's not as knackered?

It's a slow process though. Good luck. Don't forget you need to have some time to yourself too as the things you talk about are hard for you too, not just him.