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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think sexual bullying...

71 replies

BalthierBunansa · 01/12/2012 23:19

should be addressed more in schools? I feel it is highly ignored when discussing bullying in school (or at least from my experience and I was in school not all that long ago) and is seen as not 'serious' or something that 'doesn't happen'. When I was in school I was groped and had vulgar sexual comments shouted at me and when I reported it, the school saw it as a 'isolated incidence' (when a lot o students were experiencing the same as me) and mostly ignored it. I would hate for that kind of attitude to prevail in secondary schools today. Sad

OP posts:
OpheliaPayneAgain · 01/12/2012 23:21

It is addressed.

BalthierBunansa · 01/12/2012 23:23

Really OpheliaPayneAgain? My school must have been unique...

OP posts:
lovebunny · 01/12/2012 23:25

sexual bullying should be addressed and so should undue sexual provocativeness. some schoolgirls look like comedy prostitutes and they think they look attractive...

WithTheDude · 01/12/2012 23:30

It is supposed to be dealt with but isn't. Girls are still routinely sexually bullied by boys and male staff members.

Way to go with the victim-blaming lovebunny: 4 posts in. Must be some kind of record.

Pilgit · 01/12/2012 23:30

No Balthier I had the same experiences and from my knowledge of teenagers today it isn't seen in the same light as the schools in question would rather not see that it exists. I am sure that this isn't true of all schools and I can only speak from my own experiences and conversations. I am also sure there is greater awareness of the issues overall but there will always be instances of this.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 23:30

It would be addressed at dds school and was addressed at the school I attended .

Smellslikecatspee · 01/12/2012 23:32

I'm with the dude.

Oh and Bunny have one of these Biscuit

porridgewithalmondmilk · 01/12/2012 23:32

It's on the PSHE programme for our year 10's :)

hatesponge · 01/12/2012 23:37

It was rife in my school and actively encouraged by one of the teachers (who was later sent to prison for sexual offences involving children, albeit not pupils at our school). The other teachers largely turned a blind eye.

I would very much hope that the situation is better now, but I doubt it.

BalthierBunansa · 01/12/2012 23:40

porridgewithalmondmilk it's good that it's on the programme, but really I think it should be addressed much younger, preferably Primary School.

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missymoomoomee · 01/12/2012 23:43

Yes Lovebunny girls who dress like 'comedy prostitutes' deserve everything they get eh Hmm

It was rife when I was at school too, but they have addressed the issue in my sons school, he is in year 6.

socharlotte · 02/12/2012 00:09

and lots of girls do the same to boys- but is that ok?

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 00:16

did i say they 'deserved everything they get'? no, i don't recall saying that. but every day i see certain girls in the most ridiculous get-ups that would be more at home in an 18s comedy film than in the classroom or walking to and from school. they don't have to make themselves look like that - they do it because they want to. and they want to because it brings them sexualised attention, in school and out. that isn't safe and it isn't a good thing to do.
just in the same way that sexual bullying ought to be addressed, so ought ridiculously provocative sexual behaviour.
this isn't victim blaming. if you'd seen them you'd know.
keep your biscuits - you know where they can go.

BalthierBunansa · 02/12/2012 00:32

Socharlotte I'm pretty sure no-one said it was...

OP posts:
hatesponge · 02/12/2012 00:35

It's not as simple as girls 'inviting attention'. And frankly even if some girls do dress provocatively (and if they do, its the fault of the school, proper uniform policies should ensure both boys and girls are suitably dressed, no makeup, jewellry, etc) then that doesnt mean they deserve to be or are asking to be a victim of this stuff.

I was targeted from the age of 11, mainly because at that age I was already fully developed with a woman's figure.

But I didn't wear short skirts, heels or makeup. At that age I had waistlength hair in a french plait, and still played with dolls. I never wanted any attention - I was still a child and had no interest in boys.

AudrinaAdare · 02/12/2012 00:47

I was sexually assaulted wearing something like this in the eighties aged thirteen by a boy a year older at a family party. I had breasts therefore was fair game.

As a former teacher I have seen children of both sexes turn on the charm and smile and do all the things we are programmed to do as social creatures but I'd be a fucking weirdo if I ever described this behavior as provocative, sexual or flirting.

WithTheDude · 02/12/2012 09:19

Lovebunny : suggesting that girls bring on sexual bullying by their clothing is victim-blaming. It gives men a free pass at being violent because they know handmaidens will always defend them. Your implication assumes that all men are sexual predators incapable of controlling themselves and that prostitutes deserve to be sexually violated.

Do you really mean to say all of this?

3littlefrogs · 02/12/2012 09:36

Agree that the way girls dress is no excuse for sexual bullying.

Any bullying in school should be addressed.

However, the way some young girls (year 7 up to year 9 usually) feel the need to wear their school skirt hitched up so high that their underwear is clearly visible is disturbing. I see them coming out of the local school on my way home from work most days, and honestly, you can see everything.

I think schools, and parents could do a lot more to explore the reasons girls do this.

However much we protest that girls should be able to dress as provocatively as they like, and that this should make no impression on passing boys/men, I am afraid this isn't the case in real life.

I would be appalled if my 14 yr old dd went out in public dressed the way some of the local schoolgirls dress, fortunately she agrees with me.

This, however, is a separate issue from the sort of groping/assault described by the posters above.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 09:46

read my posts.

i didn't at any time say that girls provoke sexual bullying by the way they dress. its far more likely to be more modest girls who receive such bullying as they are less likely to answer back.

i said that an equivalent problem, which also needs to be addressed, is the way some female pupils dress, which is inappropriate in normal life and even less appropriate in school. it puts them at risk, in school and on the way to and from school because it begs for sexual attention. hopefully when they're at home, they wear something different.

i know them, i'm one of the people who has to talk to them about how they dress,

they are not the same girls who are victims of sexual bullying - or not now, anyway. sometimes they have had such attention in the past and taken it to be a sign of how desirable they are. no matter what their intentions in dressing like poor quality porn stars, they send out a message that they (and by implication, other girls) are available. and don't tell me that people shouldn't read it that way - if you'd seen them you'd understand that there is no way to avoid it.

if you want a climate where sexual bullying by the name-calling and groping you mentioned, is unacceptable, you have to balance that by promoting a culture where neither girls nor boys make an obvious display of their sexuality. keeping school uniform rules would cover that. (so mums, when it says 'plain black skirt, knee length' don't think you're being clever and getting one over on the school by buying her a black lycra mini skirt. and a white school shirt is not the same as a fitted shirt that she can barely cram her bust into. she's entitled to look nice? no, she isn't. its school. she should be in correct uniform.)

you read into what i write exactly what you want to see. you are actually quite happy with bullyng - you never hesitate to bully me on mumsnet!

so have a biscuit, get a hat, and leave the bastard. think what you like. Xmas Grin

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 09:50

Nope lovebunny you are the one who needs to re-read your posts. STILL victim blaming.

What we need is not for girls/women to dress less provocatively but for boys/men to stop thinking they can view a woman in a certain light because of how she's dressed.

Is a "modest" girl really less likely to answer back? I don't know if that's true.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 09:55

what a load of rot, fromesme.

Peevish · 02/12/2012 09:58

Lovebunny, stop victim-blaming. Sexual bullying and dressing like 'comedy prostitutes' (in itself a rather nasty expression) are two entirely separate issues. And yes, we've all seen the girls you mention, and still don't think the issues are related.

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 09:59

Yes lovebunny I KNOW your posts are rot, I think we'd established that.

Back2Two · 02/12/2012 10:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

McChristmasPants2012 · 02/12/2012 10:05

dressing like poor quality porn stars
look like comedy prostitutes

I hope you are not working in the school, because i think it is acid how you refer to young girls is shocking.