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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think sexual bullying...

71 replies

BalthierBunansa · 01/12/2012 23:19

should be addressed more in schools? I feel it is highly ignored when discussing bullying in school (or at least from my experience and I was in school not all that long ago) and is seen as not 'serious' or something that 'doesn't happen'. When I was in school I was groped and had vulgar sexual comments shouted at me and when I reported it, the school saw it as a 'isolated incidence' (when a lot o students were experiencing the same as me) and mostly ignored it. I would hate for that kind of attitude to prevail in secondary schools today.

OP posts:

SinisterBuggyMonth · 02/12/2012 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 02/12/2012 12:26

It is interesting FromEsme. When I was at high school the boys mostly wore very baggy trousers, which was shit, as you couldn't really check them out properly
Interesting also that my strongest memories of sexual bullying are from middle school, when the boys, aged 12 or so, began looking at porn mags, and then trying to get girls in quiet areas of the playground and rip their tops up and try and get their pants down.
This "game" among a certain element of boys was called "run and rape"
Think "kiss catch" but with added aggressive and very scary groping.
At that point, no-one was wearing short skirts etc-we were kids.

And yes, in high school, the majority of sexual innuendo and bullying came from teachers, for sure. The boys didn't really care at that point what we wore. If you were deemed attractive you would get attention, no matter what.
It was the teachers who would make lewd comments about the girls.

Back2Two · 02/12/2012 13:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/12/2012 13:08

The "in game" for girls when I was at school was called "gas pedalling"

It was where a group of girls (usually in the last two years of school) would chase the younger boys around the playground, force them to the floor, then whilst being held down by one girl the other two would spread their legs and "pump" the boys testicles until they cried or screamed.

Another game but this time from primary school was when girls would run up to random boys and kick them in the balls.

Of course any reaction from the boys from either of these would be taken straight to the teachers where the boys would be told that you don't hit/chase/swear at girls.

Mosman · 02/12/2012 13:14

School uniform is part of the problem. Girls cant wear trousers, have to wear skirts and shoes they can't run away in and unflattering shirts that invite being tightened.
Scrap it altogether and let the DD's wear ankle length skirts with DMs underneath or jeans I'm sure would be a step forward.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 02/12/2012 13:15

God some depressing stories on here. I can honestly say I had no experience of this at school from fellow students or teachers (girl's school though not sure how relevant that is?) and would be horrified if my dd encountered such attitudes and actions.

Lovebunny - you're not 'bullied' on Mumsnet, you are disagreed with, disregarded or challenged because you talk such offensive shite.

Back2Two · 02/12/2012 13:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 13:28

Mosman "School uniform is part of the problem. Girls cant wear trousers, have to wear skirts and shoes they can't run away in and unflattering shirts that invite being tightened."

Not sure if that's true for all or even most schools. We were certainly allowed to wear trousers or a long skirt and whatever shoes we wanted. If anything, we weren't allowed high heels as far as I remember. School shirts were the baggiest most unflattering possible.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 15:47

school uniform is brilliant in the school to which i refer. girls can wear shirts and ties, with trousers or a skirt, or both, or an abaya/jilbab or shalwar kameez. everyone wears a blazer, and there are jumpers, sleeveless jumpers (tank tops to you) and headscarves if you want them. there is no need for anyone to be uncomfortable, or exposed.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 15:48

Lovebunny - you're not 'bullied' on Mumsnet, you are disagreed with, disregarded or challenged because you talk such offensive shite.
rubbish. its a bullying culture here and you can't cope with anyone who doesn't agree with you.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 02/12/2012 16:06

I get your point Back2.
The stakes have been raised. I do wish schools would be a lot less wishy washy about things like mobile phones, and just ban them altogether on school premises.
Of course it's bad for girls, and boys, to think that the physical image is everything, and than porn =sex. I guess all we can do is talk to our kids, stop them using chat rooms, not let them have laptops in their rooms and generally try and teach them that sex is a thing to be respected.
I just get so pissed off when people bang on about what the victims of sexual assault are wearing.
I am sure, for example, that the boys in BonyBackjefferson's story were not wearing slutty school trousers..!

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 16:19

If it's a bullying culture, why stay? I've never understood that when someone says they feel bullied on the internet. Go somewhere where you DON'T feel bullied then!

I have seen bullying on MN, everyone lining in to give a kicking to someone who has already been kicked a fair few times. This, lovebunny is not bullying. It is people disagreeing with you and you saying it's bullying somewhat muddies the water.

I would also like to see mobiles banned in school, more trouble than they're worth.

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/12/2012 16:45

The problem with getting mobiles band is that you have to stop the parents as well as the pupils.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 02/12/2012 16:56

Well, if it's a school rule, then the parents have to abide by it, I suppose.
Schools are so scared to DO anything about anything.
It's like with regular bullying-there never seem to be any consequences for the bullies.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 17:06

schools do act when informed of bullying.

banning mobiles in school won't work for some. parents want their children to carry a mobile. my daughter took her mobile to school when she was a pupil and she's 30 now. we have to learn to live with them. we let children use them for internet research and to take photographs of their work. they love to do that - they can show their mums what they've been doing in class.

Ifnot, you'd be surprised how many parents think they don't have to abide by the rules...

WithTheDude · 02/12/2012 17:10

Oh please, schools don't act. You only have to spend 10 minutes in the education section of MN to see hundreds of desperate threads by parents asking for support because their child is being bullied and the school is doing nothing about it.

Or, the number of teen suicides caused by bullying in the news.

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/12/2012 17:15

thats the problem, when parents don't abide by the school rules.
We have two public phones and if in real need the pupils can get the office to ring their parents. Yet the parents still allow pupils to bring in mobile phones and kick up a major stink if the phone is confiscated.

Re the bullying, schools have to be so carefull as to what they do, if they exclude and the pupil comes back on appeal there is little or no chance that the pupil will ever be excluded again.

lovebunny · 02/12/2012 18:27

Oh please, schools don't act.
every state school has an anti bullying policy. ask to see it and insist they live up to it. the problem is that most people don't tell, when they're bullied.

FromEsme · 02/12/2012 18:31

lovebunny oh well, if they have a policy then they must be acting on it

People kick up fusses again and again and again. And plenty of parents also DON'T kick up a fuss - what about the children of parents who just don't care? It goes on.

I was bullied for much of school (not sexual) and nothing was ever done about it. They had an anti-bullying policy too.

Wanttowrite · 03/12/2012 20:17

Is it just me that things the girls in school dress up for the other girls and it isn't about being attractive for boys? They are just trying to out do each other. . .

3littlefrogs · 03/12/2012 20:23

My son's school did sod all about the bullying. Denied that it could possibly be happening.

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