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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong? Me or my friend

71 replies

bengal38 · 30/11/2012 18:00

My son has a best friend who he has known since he was 6 years old. Now that they are both at secondary school I had an arrangement with the mum of his best friend and another friend (who has a son who is close friends with my son as well) where on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays Mum B would take the boys to school and bring them back and on Wednesdays and Thursdays I would take the boys to school and Mum A (sons best friends mum) would pick them up. Mum A also has 2 boys in my daughters school of which 1 is in the same class as my daughter. Last Saturday Mum A asked me if the boys could walk to school and come back home together. I said no as there are no buses that run there and back and also it would take them 30 mins there to walk and 30 mins to walk back. I also told her that I would be taking my son there myself and back. She told me that was fine. Then on Tuesday morning Mum B text me to say if I was taking my son to Mums As house as on Monday morning she waited for me to turn up and I made her late. I text her back to tell her that I did actually tell Mum A that I would be taking my son there myself. She then text me back after 15mins to tell me that Mum A told her that I never told her that I would be taking my son to school and picking him up and if I wanted to continue for Mum A to take him to school I had better let Mum A know or Mum A wouldn't be doing it for me no more. I am now really left upset because Mum A and Mum B are ignoring me when they see me at the school. I did try to say hello to them both but they both just ignored me. I invited Mum As 2 younger boys to my daughters birthday next weekend (before this had happened) and she said she would bring them. But should I confirm with her if she is bringing them or just wait and see? My husband thinks I shouldn't bother asking her as she probably wont see them but her son who is in my daughters class has said to her today that they will be coming.

OP posts:
exexpat · 30/11/2012 18:02

I never usually say this, but that OP is completely impossible to follow - could you break it down into paragraphs and maybe summarise what the actual problem is?

curiousuze · 30/11/2012 18:03

Holy wall of text, batman! Any chance of some paragraph breaks?

Dead69Girl · 30/11/2012 18:08

what exexpat said, sorry op i cant read it

toddlerama · 30/11/2012 18:09

Sorry, don't understand.

baublesandbaileys · 30/11/2012 18:10

I feel dizzy!

TaggieCampbellBlack · 30/11/2012 18:12

Lost the plot near the beginning but at secondary school age they are capable of walking half an hour.

PurpleCrutches · 30/11/2012 18:13

I really don't get the problem Confused

EllaEllaElla · 30/11/2012 18:14

OP you should just go and speak to both Mums - messages can get confused by SMS. Sounds like a mountain out of a molehill - just speak to them.

curiousuze · 30/11/2012 18:14

Agreed Taggie; a 30 min walk at secondary school age? Totally reasonable. I used to do it every day.

SquirtedFrankinScentsInStable · 30/11/2012 18:15

So, you three had an arrangement to share transport to and from school?

Your friend wanted her boy to walk there and back and asked yours to walk also to be company and you declined.

You then took your own boy and didn't offer any lifts? Is that it?

If so, YABU.

LindyHemming · 30/11/2012 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missmapp · 30/11/2012 18:17

I was walking over a half hour journey to school at secondary age. I have struggled to follow message, but it seems there has been a misunderstanding.

This is probably why phonecalls are better than texts sometimes.

pictish · 30/11/2012 18:17

I can't make head nor tail of the OP, except one thing, and that is to say that a 30 minute walk isn't too much to expect of your son.

quoteunquote · 30/11/2012 18:18

My son has a best friend who he has known since he was 6 years old. Now that they are both at secondary school

I had an arrangement with the mum of his best friend and another friend (who has a son who is close friends with my son as well) where on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays Mum B would take the boys to school and bring them back

and on Wednesdays and Thursdays I would take the boys to school and Mum A (sons best friends mum) would pick them up. Mum A also has 2 boys in my daughters school of which 1 is in the same class as my daughter.

Last Saturday Mum A asked me if the boys could walk to school and come back home together. I said no as there are no buses that run there and back and also it would take them 30 mins there to walk and 30 mins to walk back.

I also told her that I would be taking my son there myself and back. She told me that was fine. Then on Tuesday morning Mum B text me to say if I was taking my son to Mums As house as on Monday morning she waited for me to turn up and I made her late.

I text her back to tell her that I did actually tell Mum A that I would be taking my son there myself. She then text me back after 15mins to tell me that Mum A told her that I never told her that I would be taking my son to school and picking him up and if I wanted to continue for Mum A to take him to school I had better let Mum A know or Mum A wouldn't be doing it for me no more

I am now really left upset because Mum A and Mum B are ignoring me when they see me at the school. I did try to say hello to them both but they both just ignored me

I invited Mum As 2 younger boys to my daughters birthday next weekend (before this had happened) and she said she would bring them. But should I confirm with her if she is bringing them or just wait and see?

My husband thinks I shouldn't bother asking her as she probably wont see them but her son who is in my daughters class has said to her today that they will be coming.

monstermissy · 30/11/2012 18:18

Let the boys walk, in high school 30 mins is fine. They are older now they dont need lifts to and from school.I think maybe the other mum thinks you are over protective and its stopping her son from going about stuff on his own. Maybe?

ENormaSnob · 30/11/2012 18:19

So you normally take the boys on a tue but didn't pick them up this week as the other mum asked if they could walk? Confused

quoteunquote · 30/11/2012 18:19

Just apologise for the lack of communication, and make a fresh start for the children's sake.

kenanddreary · 30/11/2012 18:20

I had to give up after about 4 lines of your text. It's really very confusing Confused.

Please try to summarise - then you might get some good advice Smile

JammyDodger1 · 30/11/2012 18:20

Right, think I've sort of got it
On a Monday and Tues and Friday Mum B takes and picks up.
(Op is Mum C)
Mum C takes on a Wed and Thurs
Mum A picks up on a Wed and Thurs
Mum A asked if they could walk to and from school on a Wed and Thurs but why as Mum C was down to take them so why did she want to change?
Is the real problem the party? or the school run?

EggNogRules · 30/11/2012 18:22

Mum A - pick up and drop off Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays
Mum B - pick up Wednesdays and Thursdays
You - drop off Wednesdays and Thursdays

Mum A seems to be getting a raw deal. I take it that there are three DC in this arrangement?

Mum A ( of 3 DS) wanted your two secondary school aged children to travel to school under their own steam. You said no and then arranged for you to take your only own child to school and not take part in car pool arrangements.

On Monday Mum B (not involved in drop off on this day) waited at Mum A's house for an unexplained reason.

Why didn't you offer to take both boys to school on Monday?
Do you know why they are upset?
Have you called them to talk about travel arrangements and party attendance?

toxtethogrady · 30/11/2012 18:23

wow is there a klaxon going off somewhere, gathering the paragraph police together for this thread.
Hmm

Pancakeflipper · 30/11/2012 18:24

You should have checked with MumB and double checked that MumA's son didn't want a lift if you were going to school.

Why can your son not walk to school? 30 mins is fine. Is it health issues ? Is it trust? Maturity? Unsafe?

diddl · 30/11/2012 18:25

No paragraphs aren´t the problem-I just don´t get it!

OP-do you want to take & collect your son yourself everyday?

If so-do so & let the other mums know.

Job done!

Think that you are being a bit precious not to let him walk for an hr a day though-unless for some reason he can´t.

Pancakeflipper · 30/11/2012 18:25

Regarding the party - Don't text. Either phone or wait and see.

JammyDodger1 · 30/11/2012 18:26

Egg did you sit and write it down like me? I gotta get our more