AIBU to want to have 'private areas' in my own home?

[TrustMeImANinja]

I genuinely do not knkw if IABU and Im shocked how strongly I felt about this.

We recently lost a bottle of full Calpol, not being something we want misplaced we were trawling the house for it. DH went up stairs and I can hear him going through my underwear drawer (our baby likes to open drawers and put items in). A cross feeling shot through me, I dont want him going through my underwear drawer! Theres nothing to hide, knickers, an old photo of him, a scan pick, some condoms in an unopened box. None of which I mind him knowing about. Just that I fucking hated him rustling through my privare drawer. I feel the same with my handbag. If hate for anyone to rifle through that either.

Am I being ridiculous? I fear I am.

I have been with him for many years, nearly more than half my life but this still pissed me off.

I didnt say anything but I wanted to scream "STOP GOING THROUGH MY DRAWER!"

AIBU? After all these years and all these kids do I have to accept that private areas are now free for all?

YANBU. But please can someone recommend an Organised Mum Diary? That is exactly what I need to sort out my life!

You didn't know it would bother you. So he didn't know. He was looking for something and it possibly could have been there.

Don't see what the issue is myself.

Yanbu.

I really don't mind DH doing any of the above - he sorts washing/opens post/ gets stuff from my bag/answers my phone. But that's me - there are many other things I find difficult that other people would find totally fine (like if he serves my dinner ip for me - weird I know)

It's all about what you're comfortable with, and him knowing and understanding that.

Ip?? Wtf is ip? Clearly I meant up.

We don't have any privacy at all. Both open all the post, see all the emails etc so it strikes me as weird, BUT so what? We are all different

...I don't even get to sh** in peace!

It's perfectly reasonable to have private space. It's not reasonable to assume DP knows which are though unless you've made it clear.

I don't have anywhere private from my DH. It had never even entered my head to think about until I read your post.

Given he rifles through my underwear when I am wearing it, it really would't bother me if he did whilst it was in a drawer.

Seems really, really odd to me. But each to thier own.

I suppose I consider my phone, e-mails, facebook etc to be private and would be pissed off if he went through those, but not through a drawer or my handbag etc.

Just odd to me.

I suppose in times of stress (looking for a bottle of calpol) it wouldn't bother me but otherwise my knicker drawers are private

Even I don't want to rifle through my handbag.

Gawd only knows what lurks at the bottom.

There are no parts of my home I wouldn't be happy with DP searching, and he is welcome to go through my bag. However I would be cross if he'd been rummaging through my laptop or phone (not just using it, actually going through and reading files/texts/emails). I can't really explain why that feels like a greater invasion of privacy.

Actually I found a chewed-up bit of rope in my bag the other day, so apparently the dog had been having a rummage .

I'm an odd bugger I don't think people should even touch stuff I leave around in my house if its not there's so yanbu

Dont you have a place he knows not to go because there could be a present for him in there? An expectation of privacy is perfectly reasonable.

Yanbu. Since having dd and now DS I feel that nothing is my own anymore. Sometimes when I'm sitting bf-ing DS and dd comes and starts playing with my hair out of the blue it feels like not even my own body is my own!
DH and DD know that my bag is MINE. No one can go into my bag to retrieve ANYTHING without asking. My underwear draw is also my own. Apart from those two things I have no privacy in this house. I even have children following me when I'm having a poo. :(

I ask to go in DW's handbag.

I put stuff away occasionally so know of no drawers closed to me.

I tend not to root through her desk, as I have my own, but I've never been told not to. I have a couple of locking file cabinets that she is not permitted to open - work stuff.

Yes he does put washing away. But opening a drawer, putting something in and closing it again is totally different from rifling through it.

My reaction probably was a little strong, but I knew that which is why I didnt voice it. Self control and all that .

True enough OP. There must have been a reason he was having a good old look mind! Don't be surprised if you get underwear for Christmas!

How weird, other than telling DH to keep out of a certain cupboard due to his presents being stashed away, it wouldn't occur to me that certain parts of the house that we share should be private, I go in his bedside drawers all the time, if I ever want a screwdriver/other miscellaneous crap, that's where they'll be. I've got things that are "mine" like my bags/jewellery box etc. but I couldn't care less if he had a rummage, he's got his stuff like his camera bag and if he objected to me having a nosey, he'd get this face > .
I open his post too - on here that seems to be the crime of the century .

So it's only me that writes impressive things on our wall planner hoping that people will read it then- ds- County trials- 5.30- buy new boots. Dd, grade 8-11.30. Remember to book accompanist. Drinks-Ed and Justine- 7.00. Don't forget wisteria cutting.

We don't have privacy areas.

We rummage through each others drawers and i open his post. I open the post because if I don't be opens it and puts it back in its envelope. this makes filing and paying bills difficult. I'm also home first most days.

seeker

What a good idea!

rofl Seeker!

I think it's a little odd to be bothered that he was looking in there as he was looking to see if the calpol was in there rather than just have a nosey... but even if he was just having a nosey it wouldn't bother me, as long as he didn't mess it up!

I suppose many of us have drawers, cupboards, bags or whatever that are 'ours' and have a certain expectation that stuff in there isn't for anyone else to use/take/rummage through - but on the other hand if my DH had a reasonable expectation he would find something in there that he needed/wanted/was looking for, it wouldn't bother me as I wouldn't be with someone who disrespect 'my' stuff.

I'm not sure I've explained that at all well - I know what I mean

Your anger at him over this does seem out of order though, yes. He was looking for medicine - surely nowhere is out of bounds as long as it's found?!

It never was found.