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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite MIL to Christmas because of her dog?

72 replies

Theicingontop · 29/11/2012 09:29

She has nobody to look after her as she's moved to a new area in London, all her friends (possible dogsitters) live too far away for it to be convenient, apparently. I feel I'm being unreasonable but I don't really know what else to do.

When we lived at our old house she'd come to stay for a few months because she was homeless, and brought her dog with her. We didn't think it would be a problem, even though we had a tiny house and no garden Confused, regardless we had no choice because, well, she was homeless. Anyway the whole time she was with us the dog peed all over our house, on our son's baby toys, on all of our rugs... And our cat ran away, and never returned (I think he found a new family, because I saw him a few months later looking rather fat and happy Sad). Pretty disastrous.

OP posts:
MsIngaFewmarbles · 29/11/2012 09:32

YANBU, your house, your choice of guests

twofingerstoGideon · 29/11/2012 09:33

YANBU. She can put the dog in kennels. I love dogs, but not if they piss all over the house.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 29/11/2012 09:33

YANBU but maybe invite her but say the dog is not allowed then if she wants to come she can sort something out herself.

PickledInAPearTree · 29/11/2012 09:34

Can't she use a kennels?

If you ask her but not the dog the ball is in her court, it should be your problem what happens to him.

ShhBoom · 29/11/2012 09:34

YANBU, if she wants to come she can find alternative care for her dog.

PickledInAPearTree · 29/11/2012 09:34

Shouldn't I mean.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 29/11/2012 09:35

Can the dog not go into kennels? I wouldn't want an unhouse trained dog staying over, though failing that could the dog be crated over night and let out every hour or two during the day to reduce the risk of pee? :(

InNeedOfBrandy · 29/11/2012 09:37

Yes say kennel.

My nan has a dog and is coming over boxing day, her friend is going to walk it around lunchtime and she'll go home fairly early about 6 so ok not great on the dog but for one day it'll be fine. She didn't even expect to bring her dog she already knew I don't like dogs and I especially don't like dogs in my house.

WinterWinds · 29/11/2012 09:49

How long would she be coming for?

If its just the day then no need to bring the dog (i Know of people that wont leave thiers even for a few hours!)

If its going to be longer then tell her she is most welcome but you cannot accomadate the dog. She could use a petsitter or book the dog into the kennels.

I wouldn't want a pissy dog in my house either and i'd be even more annoyed if i'd previously lost my cat due to said dog!!!!

tiggytape · 29/11/2012 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shellywelly1973 · 29/11/2012 09:52

YANBU!!! Boak!!

sixlostmonkeys · 29/11/2012 09:59

If it's just for the day then invite her but tell her to leave the dog at home (the dog will be fine)
If it's it's for longer then discuss the use of kennels or a crate.

I really do think it will be best to sort something out that would mean she isn't on her own at xmas. Last year a friend of mine had a neighbour for xmas because the neighbour's own family wouldn't have her because of the dog. It made me think.

CrazyCatLady13 · 29/11/2012 10:03

I was in a similar situation up until recently (the dog passed away). My parent's dog was nasty, and actually killed one of my pets. After that I said my parents were welcome any time, but that they couldn't bring the dog.

This meant that they didn't visit me for a year, but after that first year of just me visiting them, they then started finding a dog sitter (seriously!) rather than leaving the dog alone for a couple of hours. My parents wouldn't even leave the dog for 10 minutes to go to the shop!

My sympathies go with you, but personally I don't regret saying that the dog wasn't welcome. After a while my parents understood and we found a way around it.

I'd say to her that she's welcome, but that you can't handle the dog (because of the reasons you gave in your post).

HTH

firefliesinjune · 29/11/2012 10:07

My Mum had to move in with me last year as she couldnt afford to live alone. She bought her dog who pooed and weed all over downstairs (not allowed upstairs) it took 9 months for it to be trained otherwise. I have 2 DC under 4. It was a lot of hard work.

My Mum had got the dog because she was lonely, and though it was a right pain I did not want to separate them.

Could your MILs dog be let out a lot whilst she stays? Could it sleep in a crate at night to avoid accidents?

My Mums dog now sleeps in the kitchen where we have a stone floor - accidents dont matter so much now as they are easily cleaned.

I understand its a right pain but recently I feel time spent together is precious. Make it happen.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/11/2012 10:15

I would invite her but insist that the dog is not welcome and suggest it goes into kennels.

Incidentally, what action did she take when her dog was peeing all over your house? Did she clean it up? Try to train it? Or leave it all to you?

InNeedOfBrandy · 29/11/2012 10:43

I don't know whether this is cruel or not but it's not summer.

Could the dog stay in her car, then she can go and walk it for a hour here and a hour there. A dog walk would be a lovely reason to have a walk on christmas day and she wouldn't feel that it's so abandoned all by itself.

DewDr0p · 29/11/2012 10:46

Could you find a kennels local to you?

It really doesn't sound at all practical to have the dog in your house.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 29/11/2012 10:53

Do you know how the dog behaves at other people's houses? Does he always wee in strangers houses, or could it just be that he was marking your old house because of the smell of the cat?

I don't think I could leave someone at home alone away from their children and grandchildren on Christmas Day for the sake of having to clear up a bit of dog wee.

It would only be for one or two days this time, not months. If your MiL is willing to make the dog stay outside for some of the time and will keep good control of it then I think it would be mean, and very unchristmassy to not let them come.

GreatUncleEddie · 29/11/2012 10:55

Can you restrict the dog to one room or area with a hard floor?

PimpMyHippo · 29/11/2012 10:56

Definitely kennels - if my elderly rescue dog can survive in boarding kennels, any dog can! They have heating and provide comfy beds and everything, it's not the canine concentration camp some people seem to think it is! Or if she's not convinced by that, there are pet-sitting arrangements where your dog stays with a host family in their own home - the one in my area is called Barking Mad, I'm not sure if it's a national thing or not.

D0oinMeCleanin · 29/11/2012 11:00

I'd put up with it but then I am used to dogs urinating in my house and this house was decorated with that in mind (I used to have an epileptic terrier who would become disorientated for a few days after a seizure and would wee everywhere and now I foster dogs who have not always been in a home before and might need toilet training)

However YANBU if you can't cope with it. Some kennels will let you pop in and out through the day, so if you could find one close enough you still go on walks with the dog and then drop him back at the kennels.

Or (and this is what I would do) you could encourage MIL to toilet train the dog before and during her stay, but that would depend on whether the dog was actually having accidents or whether he was marking territory. If it was marking you could try a DAP collar, spray or plug in which would help the dog feel calmer in your house and should reduce the marking.

Like the above poster I would feel awful leaving a member of family home alone on Christmas for the sake of a bit of carpet cleaning, but it's your house, your rules.

Original poster
Theicingontop · 29/11/2012 11:56

Well OH is being much harsher than me about it, I'm rather apologetic in general towards my MIL because she scares me a bit, she has a rather pushy personality Sad

She's the sort to not leave the dog alone for a minute, she goes with her everywhere, on trains, buses, to the corner shop. We do have a garden now, but we also have a cat... Which I'm afraid will do the same thing as the other one. My son would be heartbroken.

I do feel very bad, because although she can be a rather unpleasant houseguest (think; drinking too much wine of an evening and being a cow, taking unannounced naps in the day and leaving her DD to her own devices) she's had a rough year, I don't want to be the reason she has a shit Christmas.

She's broke, doesn't have the cash for kennels.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theicingontop · 29/11/2012 11:58

She wants to come Christmas eve until boxing day.

OP posts:
flowery · 29/11/2012 12:02

In these circumstances I would offer to pay for kennels.

D0oinMeCleanin · 29/11/2012 12:08

You could offer to pay for kennels but it doesn't sound like she would be willing to leave the dog in kennels.

How was the dog with the cat? I know the cat ran away but did the dog do anything to cause this?

I don't let my cat out after any changes for around a fortnight depending on how well he takes to the change (change being a new foster dog, a house guest, lots of workmen in and out, Christmas etc.) and you can get Feliway collars that would help your cat accept change more. Not all cats are bothered by dogs or a change in their home environment.

How did the dog wee? Was he making big puddles every now and again or was he frequently making small puddles on things?

Is the dog crate trained? Would MIL crate train? How is MIL generally at training/controlling the dog?

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