At what age should a child be able to sort his own breakfast in the morning?

[DinosaursOnAnAdventCalender]

This morning has been a nightmare. My boys woke up in awful moods, arguing before the alarm had even gone off. Ds2 had a tantrum over not wanting to put his school trousers on (he's 8, far to old for tantrums IMO) and then was stroppy and really quite rude for the rest of the morning.

I am not feeling very well and my morning sickness seems to have reappeared (which at 30 weeks seems very unfair) and toddler ds3 has a chest infection and hasn't slept so all in all it hasn't been the easiest of mornings.

I provided breakfast - blueberry muffins and yoghurt with a banana, pretty standard except that its normally brioche instead of a muffin but we had none left.

Ds2 announced that he no longer liked blueberries and wouldn't eat it. I could have given him a slab of chocolate and the response would've been the same as he was just in one of them moods. He also wouldn't eat his banana (as it had a brown mark on it) and I'm not sure of the reason why his yoghurt was unacceptable but he didn't eat it anyway.

So, as I was busy trying to force medicine and inhalers onto ds3 I told him to get his own breakfast (there is cereal in the kitchen etc) but he preferred to just sit in a strop on the chair and deliberately allow ds3 to get hold of his muffin (after I'd told him not too as ds3 would crumble it all over the floor - which is exactly what happened) so I told him to sweep the floor. Which he did begrudgingly and it took him 15 minutes when it should've taken less than 5.

Time to leave for school and I offered him and ds1 20p toast money for school as they can buy toast mid morning. It was refused. Ds2 went off protesting loudly that he hadn't been given any breakfast.

The school secretary has just phoned me to ask if ds2 has had breakfast - I said he was given breakfast but wouldn't eat it, was offered an alternative but turned it down (to make cereal/take toast money). School secretary offered to give him some toast (for free) as he was complaining of having a headache due to being hungry. I was very tempted to say let him starve and learn his lesson, but didn't and accepted the toast offer but asked her to make it clear that this was a one off and wouldn't be offered again.

So, what age should a child be responsible for making their own breakfast do you think? Was I unreasonable for not making sure he had eaten before leaving the house? Would I have been unreasonable for saying no thank you to the toast offer? He is 8 years old.

My children are younger so no experience here, but I think YANBU - it sounds like he would not be harmed by learning the consequence of not eating breakfast.

I think tantrums and moods can resurface throughout childhood - good luck, hope these ones disappear soon.

The school secretary phoned you up !! Look bad morning I am sure any other morning he would be more than capable of getting cereal etc. I would have been tempted to tell her not to bloody interfere.

YANBU. It's not about the breakfast so much as the tantrum. At 8yo, he's old enough to learn that having a paddy & refusing to eat means you go hungry!

He sounds as stubborn as my 8yo (on Saturday anyway) ds1.

Sounds fairly normal for a school morning and mine are 11 and 8. Both are capable of findingtheir own breakfast BUT if we need to get to school on time there isn't a cat in hells chance if left to their own devices
Even during the holidays or at weekends, both will lounge on the sofa all morning, and complain that they are hungry if I go into the room - neither will get off their backside to go and raid the cereal cupboard or make toast!

4 I'd say

I'd have told the secretary that he could wait until lunchtime and to have a drink if he'd got a headache!

my 7, 10 and 13 yr old get their iwn bfast in the morning, i just put the cereal out. one of them.will help.ds4 who.is 4, he needs he as we have big cartons of milk he cant pour.

My 5 and 6 yr old pour their own cereal, milk and orange juice out every morning. No mess no fuss although sometimes they end up with 3 different types in one bowl which they call a breakfast mix up . I do make them croissants/porridge/pancakes/waffles on a weekend to be nice.

I'm hoping that he just didn't sleep well last night or something which made him grumpy and it will be a one off it's usually ds1 being stroppy lately

I don't think the secretary would've phoned normally for a child saying they were hungry, I think it was the combination of being 'starving' and having a headache.

I know that we were all getting ours from before primary school, and that given half a chance my 2 year old would be getting his own (if I wanted cereal and milk all over the kitchen floor..)

It was a horrible morning, he was in an awful mood, I think it would have been petty and spiteful and not really taught him anything to not let him have toast.

Hopefully the lesson is learned that if he doesn't eat breakfast, he won't feel good at school, and I don't think withholding food will help with that (in fact, I think giving him the food will re-enforce that he should have eaten something earlier)

around 6 I would say. dc (nearly) now gets his own breakfast (cereals) which helps a lot in the manic morning rush.

I think you did exactly right. And I think you said exactly the right thing to the school secretary. Bet he'd told her a sob story!

He is 8. Well old enough to sort himself out in the morning. You should not even be around to argue whether hes putting his trousers on, just get on with the things you have to do.

Make him a morning routine list (print of on computer so it looks official) eg get dressed, teeth, hair, breakfast, clear up breakfast dishes, school bag, pack lunch in bag, quick room tidy etc and stick it on his bedroom door. If he does it all with no fuss he gets to do whatever he wants when it's all done until it's time to leave.

I did this years ago along with a list for myself, so they could see we all had to get stuff done in the morning.

And no tv, computers etc ever in the morning.

Mine are 8 and 9 and have got their own breakfast at the weekends for about a year.

I don't think what you did was unreasonable at all and would probably have done the same.

He had to her all about how he had no breakfast and had to do housework instead I think the secretary must have children though as she didn't seem to be indulging his half true fantasy and just wanted permission to give him toast. She was very nice on the phone and seemed quite amused.

I'm glad I haven't been unreasonable, the guilt has been trying to creep in for the last hour poor little starving ds2 with middle child syndrome left to forage for food but I feel reassured now, thank you!

They do normally manage to feed themselves most mornings as long as there is easy food (like croissants or brioche ) around as if they use bowls or mugs they have to wash them afterwards and they feel that's to much effort to put themselves through. It only takes seconds!

My 5 year old makes breakfast for himself and his 3 yr old brother.

I also expect them to get school stuff ready the night before, eg letters signed, homework, sports kits. I probably sound strict, but we have lovely chilled mornings, because everyone is used to their routines.

4 dc 14, 12, 10 and 7.

mine are 5, 7 and 9 and can all get their own breakfast (the 5 yo can mkae her own toast) They all get their own at weekend if they want it before I come down.

On a school morning they are expected to get out their own cereal bowls/toast plates etc and all expected to get a cup and drink out. We help 5 yo with pouring.
If they are having toast we usually make it for them.

What you did sounded just as I would handly it. In fact had very similar with dd1 last week. I told teacher she had refused point blank to eat any breakfast. She was allowed to take something out of her packed lunch at break. I would hav etold secretary that he can go hungry as it was his choice and he is old enough to need to understand consequences.

I think though you can't change the routine on them at the last minute, so if you want them to take responsibility for doing it, then you need to set it up - cups bowls etc in an accessible place, and sell it to them as a mark of responsibility and growing up, and then say from tomorrow/monday you can get your own breakfast. You can choose what you have, there is a list on the fridge, you can choose any 2 items from list (or whatever suits you)

To be fair, ds2 is normally up and dressed and eating something by the time I come downstairs at 7.30am, then he will watch some rubbish on citv with his coat and bag next to him. I have no idea what went WTO g this morning. I hope it's a one off. I don't think the neighbours would've appreciated me shouting "I've only just woken up please leave me alone" before 7am this morning

Ds1 has to be dragged out of bed but once he's up he gets ready quickly. Apart from the 15 minutes he spends in the bathroom trying to get the Harry Potter bits of sticking up hair to lie flat. I don't know why he bothers, it never works.

Mine are 11 & 8 and have sorted breakfast for a couple of years now although ds has only in the last 6-8 months started using the toaster rather than getting cereal

I leave stuff out the night before in cereal canisters. They fetch milk/fruit juice from the fridge. I used to leave bowls put but now they get them from the cupboard.

They are allowed to come down for breakfast once they are dressed. Breakfast has to finish at 7.55 am strict as we have to leave the house at 8am

If they run out if time because of messing about - tough.

DD1 (9) is quite capable of getting her own breakfast but since she blithely told me "it's okay, if I don't have any breakfast I just tell my teacher I haven't had breakfast today and she gets me something from the staff room" I always ensure she has something before she leaves the house, even if it isn't very healthy!

ISeeSmall

No computers/screen games after dinner here either.

Sounds like attention seeking to me is he feeling a bit left out ? If have probably put 20p in his pocket even if he said he didn't want it. The school sounds lovely